To feel this down about early getups

[Itsthemornings]

So we have a nearly 3 yo and newborn. Nearly 3yo wakes at 5 or half four every single day. Thought this might have got better when he dropped his nap but it hasn’t.

Nothing seems to make any difference, and I don’t really understand it as he’s tired but can’t get him back to sleep. It’s always been tough but now with a newborn the level of sleep deprivation is horrendous.

If you had an early waker, when did it improve? I don’t want him to stay in bed until 9 or anything but 6/half 6 would be fine.

They could have worms. It sounds bonkers but they could be being woken by them.

I’ve got the same age gap (two years, 9 months) and YEARS of early waking. With no breaks. Im trying to help. I’ve made suggestions you’ve ignored. You are being quite rude.

@SunnySkeg 330 is horrendous, how did you all cope!?

It is shit, hopefully he’ll
respond to bribery soon.

I haven’t ignored them. I’ve said they don’t work. You’re the one ignoring me

You need to do the rousing when you go to bed or in the middle of the night, and do it for several days

DS was like this at that age. The Gro clock didn't work for him either. Got rid of it after a few weeks.
I can't remember what improved his early wake ups actually. I remember shouting very loudly one morning when he tipped his lego out and woke me up. Sympathy from me.

We had this with 2 babies together

Years of stupidly early wakings

It did get better but bloody hell what a slog

When it was really bad we used to go to bed at 8/8.30 - it was transformative for us and I recommend it to anyone who will listen!

Between me and lots of others there have been a dozen suggestions you haven’t mentioned. It is shit. I’ve walked it for years (with no help from my husband). It gets better. But there are strategies that help it be less shit. It sounds like you just want to rant. So rant away.

going to bed very early is also an excellent suggestion.

I'm afraid it took years to improve in our case. Nothing worked. That's one of the reasons we stopped at one!
When DC was 4, we started on insisting that they should make sure not to wake us up and wait for us to wake up.

I wish I could @SkatieKatie but cluster feeding …

@Userhay OK, let’s have a look.

At your child’s age I’d say “if you can stay put till 6am CBeebies will start and you can get up and watch.” I explain he isn’t really interested in CBeebies.

@Itsthemornings is that possible? Ok. My mind is blown. not helpful.

Option 2, set up a cool track with his brio/whatever for him to play with when he wakes? I’m sorry but I have no idea what a brio is?

Option 3 is just get up and lie on the sofa. I was up by 5am for years and years. Sometimes we’d just go out for a walk (sounds a bit mad but I found it easier than being inside) I didn’t actually see this first time round but that would be really dangerous here at that time in the morning, main road with lorries and huge trucks. Plus, it’s really not practical with a newborn.

What about putting an audiobook on and letting him listen to it in bed with you? I did respond to this and said he wouldn’t understand an audiobook.

He won’t be waking up early to try to upset you - so people are suggesting things that might keep him occupied for a bit. But age almost 3, children do want to connect with their parent and a few minutes of good connection can (sometimes) be enough to help them to go and play independently for a bit. I completely understand this and I haven’t suggested he is purposefully trying to upset me but what I have said is that it’s pretty miserable.

I wasn’t suggesting 3 hours of CBeebies. But I was surprised that any child doesn’t like CBeebies at all can I just say this is the third time I’ve had to tell you he doesn’t like CBeebies.

I was going to ask the same. What does he like to play with/listen to/watch? he is happiest outside but we can’t really unleash him at 5 am with a tiny baby.

I get you don’t want advice but people can suggest things that might help. If you can explain what actually happens when he wakes that would help? You get up and then what…? I didn’t respond to this as it’s too variable. It depends on who gets up with him and so on but I do outline in another post that I’ve tried a number of things with consistency and they haven’t worked.

“I have no choice that doesn’t involve outright abuse anyway.” Maybe you didn’t mean this to sound the way it does, but if you were my patient I’d be quite concerned by the way you’ve phrased this. so assuming you’re a doctor - if I went to see you and burst into tears because I’m dying from lack of sleep and you were incredulous that my child didn’t like CBeebies and I had to keep repeating this and said I’d tried so many things and said the only things I haven’t and wouldn’t try are things that are abusive and you’d ‘be concerned’ I’d be confused.

I get you’re trying to help but please, can you see how unhelpful these suggestions are, irrespective of how well intentioned they might be?

Have you tried putting him to bed much later? I was born in a different European country and now live in the UK. My mum was horrified to hear people put their kids to bed here at 7/8pm. Apparently she put me to bed at 10. I get it means you don't have an evening to yourself anymore and it will be miserable for a few weeks as he'll be tired but I'd take that over a 5am wake up.

With a newborn and a toddler, you really are in the worst of it. It will get better.

Yes the end is in sight but maybe not for some time yet. This used to be me. I remember my son used to wake at 4am/4.30am and I would have to go to work 9am - 5.30pm. I was permanently exhausted. My son is 9 now and it is rare for him to be awake before me, particularly on weekends and holidays. I can't remember at what point it changed but I do know that around the age of 3 I would bring him into bed with me, put the tv on for him and I would fall back asleep. Hang on in there, it does get better.

OP just to say we had this in reverse. DD was ok until she was about 18 months old & then her bedtime started to get progressively later until it was after 11pm 😬. We also tried everything, we even spoke with a sleep consultant & eventually had to come to terms with the fact that it was just her pattern & roll with it. Anyway she got better when she started school & would do 10pm until 8am. We are currently awaiting an autism assessment & I think a lot of her sleep issues are connected to this. But I can relate to the frustration of being told constantly that we need a wind down routine, black out blinds & white noise. Also can relate to neither consistency or inconsistency making much difference!

Occasionally @Grumpy101 more by accident than design but it doesn’t make a discernible difference and then he’s horrid the next day.

@LarryandLeon i honestly think it’s as simple as some things work for some children. We’re definitely going through a challenging phase with ds1!

Brio is wooden train track. Brio or duplo were the main toys my children liked at that age.

I didn’t know you lived on a main road.

I think you’re being quite unfair. You’re not my patient, I’m not at work and I’m just offering ideas that helped me.

At just turned 3 my children both would listen to audiobooks, “read” books to themselves or watch some tv. I’d have to get up and be with them or they’d sometimes be happy to play in bed with me or in their rooms.

We lived in London when they were small but it was a residential area so I often did just get out of the door v early because I found it easier and it helped my children. Or I got them in the car and drove to a 24 hour supermarket and did some shopping.

Again, I’m not at work, you’re not my patient. I don’t offer personal experience at work (almost never).

I can only assume your child has additional needs you haven't mentioned OP? If that's the case, I'm not sure parents of NT children can tell you when things will get better.

Sorry, my point is that although I still had to be awake and supervise, I didn’t have to engage hugely so long as I was there. So I could rest/feed the baby etc.

Of course you didn’t know I lived on a main road but I do think I say in my OP we have a newborn.

A train track would hold his attention for ten minutes max. As you rightly say, children this age want attention and input from their parents and this is understandable but it’s brutal at this time in the morning.

I think it’s very unfair to keep insisting you’ve offered all these helpful suggestions that horrible me is ignoring. I accept you might be well intentioned although that post re your ‘concern’ does give me hesitation re that but I do think when someone has repeatedly said no, he isn’t into that accepting is is a good thing.

Not AFAIK

I only suggested it as you said he won't understand audiobooks. Not being able to understand a story at nearly 3 is unusual, as is not having any interest in tv.

@Itsthemornings We took it in turns, it's the only way. I was pregnant during the 3.30 wake up season and just exhausted all the time - we both work full time. Thankfully she started sleeping a bit later (5ish) by the time the baby arrived, and DH took charge of the toddler while I had the baby. Now we're back to alternating.

Now 5 and nothing really worked but I think a clock change when the clocks went back the last time seems to have meant he usually wakes at 6 onwards rather than 5 onwards! He has a gro clock but still comes in and out 800 times to say the sun isn’t up yet!!

If there are no additional needs then he is perfectly capable of understanding audiobooks and groclocks at this time.