Made MIL cry?!

[Didntmeanto6]

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

This comment says far more about you then the op

Yet another poster conveniently overlooking OP's opening statement that she's put up with eight years of digs from his mum inferring she's a shit homemaker and doesn't look after her son. It's amazing how you all know her MIL better than she does.

I wonder if the responses on this thread would be different if it wasn't a sandwich. If it was 'my MIL says she occasionally washes my DP's underpants when he goes round every morning and when I said he could do it himself, she said it's because she loves him.' 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP it sounds like you were really rather unkind.

Stop taking the bait, the MIL will get bored.

It seems your partner is between a rock and a hard place.

I'd defend my mum over my partner in this situation.

You're not in a competition to see who loves him most and who can prove it through the means of packed lunches. Grow up.

MIL didn't say she loved him more. She said she loved him as a mother does. You were then petty and passive aggressive with your milk comment, before basically saying she's going to die (with an implication that you can't wait because then you'll have your DH all to yourself). You can't make deliberately mean comments and then whine when your mean comments upset someone.

Read her OP again! The issue is not the sandwiches, but the dig that followed.

If my MIL wanted to make my husbands lunch I wouldn’t be standing in her way. One less job for me…not that I do or would do it anyway. Really wouldn’t bother me and if it makes her happy then what’s the harm?

"OP is not coming across as unpleasant, she’s coming across as having a backbone that a of women on MN could do with."

There's having a backbone and there is having a nasty tit for tat argument that is never going to convince the other person and makes the whole situation worse.

OP could show backbone by calmly letting her MIL know her comments are hurtful (though in this case, she started the problem by complaining about MIL making the lunches), not by attacking her back in an unpleasant way.

It’s the mother who is the drama llama with all her “I love my son” and “I am the first woman in his life” I mean it’s literally Oedipus/Hamlet/Brazilian soap opera.

Everybody is obsessed with the lunches. It's not about the lunches. It's about what came after the lunches discussion.

Have to say, I can't see what was sooo heinous about the comment OP made, the one about being the last woman. Some of you are taking grave offence to it but I'm not sure why?
MIL: I was here before you.
DIL: And I will be here after you.

What of it?

Which wouldnt have happened if you hadn't said he could make his own lunches.

Exactly.

who loves him most and who can prove it through the means of packed lunches

Which is why I don't make him packed lunches

I’ve heard many women (albeit usually rich ones) say they’re a ‘real daddy’s girl’. No man would actually say I’m a real mummy’s boy.

My thoughts too! Or Greek.

she started the problem by complaining about MIL making the lunches

Nope, she just pointed out to MIL he was capable of making his own. Except I doubt he is. He sounds like a massive man-baby.

It sounds like you’re both just rude tbh 🤷‍♀️

They’re not hurtful, they’re just irritating and there’s nothing wrong with OP reminding a MIL that she’s not actually married to DH even though she’s trying to behave like it.

What happened after the packed lunch was that she said she loved her son. You then chose to become passive aggressive. Instead of saying 'if your way of showing love for your son is making food then crack on!'
The real problem seems to be that you have some kind of guilt around not making your DH his lunch and you think you're in competition with MIL for his love. Otherwise MIL making lunch and saying she loves him would have zero impact on you.

But he can! What on earth is wrong with OP pointing that out?

It does seem like he's replaced his father and his mum's pretty clingy and dependent on your DP. I'd have quite a bit of caution in this relationship if you're already not happy for MIL to have a huge part of DP's life. Make sure your contraception is water-tight otherwise you're going to have MIL as a permanent fixture.

Personally, a man who can't sensitively enforce boundaries isn't attractive to me, so I'd soon find this all rather off-putting.

Nothing, if she’d said it in a polite, jokey way.

Instead she said it in an arsey way because MIL makes her feel inadequate and she doesn’t like that.

Seriously!?? So unless you're married a relationship doesn't count?

who loves him most and who can prove it through the means of packed lunches

Yes MIL is performing a pick me dance through the medium of packed lunches.

What happened after the packed lunch was that she said she loved her son
No. What happened after the packed lunch was that she said she loved her son more than me which is why she was doing something for him that I don't do.

When someone uses that construction in my language ("me, I....") it's to make a difference between themselves and you. It's not ambiguous.