Made MIL cry?!

[Didntmeanto6]

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

You both sound very alike in rushing to say stupid , scathing things to each other.

Engage your brain before opening your mouth.

She doesn’t even make it every day, just “sometimes”.
So we’re probably talking about some cold leftover lasagne once in a while 🤷🏻‍♀️

You both sound bonkers. I presume you don't have any children op?

This!!! Spot on!

When she tells you she makes him a packed lunch say "That's nice" THEN CHANGE THE SUBJECT...

When she says "True but I love my son" smile and reply " its nice when we have people who loves us isn't it" THEN CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

Loosing your temper and stooping to trumping one another is not helpful.

Read up on grey Rock and anger management. Her liking making a packed lunch for her son should not make you loose your temper.

You're both the same, battling with each other to gain control of your husband.

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

That's why they are together😂 my wife is similar in a lot of ways to my mum and I'm similar to her dad

All sounds a bit child like to me arguing about who cares more for him or who is more important, think some growing up is needed to be done.

Sounds like you both wind each other up. Leave her too it if she wants to make him food. She gloats and you fell for it.

@Keepitrealnomists
No I don't have children but I'm thinking of it, we would definitely need to move if this was the case, I can only imagine the hell it would be

Yup

both of you need to stop
placing your worth and value on how well you dh is fed. I bet he’s loving it.

Well if you weren't you were being rather presumptuous. You've been with him 8 years, yet you think you'll somehow still be there and his mother will have disappeared? When she said (albeit unnecessarily) she was first, she was stating a fact. What were you trying to say?

She makes his lunch…take the win, ultimately does it really matter?

You might appreciate her coming around with a cooked dinner when you have a child 😂

She obviously hasn't raised him properly. When my MIL used to ask my SIL "have you fed my lad", she'd reply, no he's weaned and fully functioning. If it carried on she'd ask if she didn't bring him up to be independent. They both worked full time. As difficult as it is, let her get on with it. What does your DH say? I bet he's sick of being in the middle. It's your reactions which is going to damage your marriage.

Actually what I was trying to say about being last is that she should make space for the person who will potentially be with him in his old age, but if she took it to mean to be about her death...Well that's a typical self centered view from her

And you may well not be his last he might get fed up of the childish arguments and you making his mum cry. His mum will always be his mum can't do anything about that!

You both sound lovely 🤨

Your issue is with him, not her.

He's the one you're in a relationship with

My son is in his 30's and single, he's perfectly capable of making his own lunch (he's a better cook than me) but if I'm staying with him I'll make his lunch, not because he's lazy etc but because I want to, I love doing it, its like goings back to when he was very young and relied on me, it makes me happy. I hope any dil wouldn't get upset by this. You were mean and possibly deliberately nasty with your comment about being the last woman in his life, your mil is rather silly to imply you don't love him because you don't do enough for him but tbh if I was you I'd ask her to make my lunch too but if you said that to me I'd be quick to remind you that you might not be the last woman in his life while smiling nicely at you. Looks like your husband married a version of his mother as so many do.

If you stay together...

Being from a Mediterranean country and married to a fellow Mediterranean for over 20 years, all I can say is why does it bother you so much what your MIL says ? I’ve learnt to just let her cook , feed her son and her grandchildren , what do I care ? Let her enjoy them. I enjoy them in my own time. She annoys me at times, she’s very controlling but she’s a MIL not my best friend - I try to keep it in perspective and I don’t want to argue with DH because of his mother - she’s not going anywhere for now and I have more important things to argue with him. I see the good and respect what she does for DH and DC. She takes a lot off my plate when she cooks for them to be honest and looked after the kids when they were little - arguing with her achieves nothing and puts stress on your relationship.

This level of babying would annoy me and she is being goady. But honestly you need to find a way to ignore it because sinking to this level won’t make you feel good in the long run. As pp, this is on your DH though, he wants to be babied.