Made MIL cry?!

[Didntmeanto6]

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

Spot on.

Why are so many people threatened by their husband's mothers?

I think a man who is good to his mum will make a good partner.

This. Isn’t it interesting that dying men often call out for their mothers? Even when their mother’s dead. It’s such a primal bond.

My father called out for his teddy bear. . .

I agree. I wouldn't think much of a man who had no time for his mother just because he found a partner. In fact I'd find that level of coldness and the idea of 'replacing' one woman with another so he no longer needed to bother with his mum, a red flag. A man worth having is capable of relationships with both mother and partner.

Yep. They do say men often marry their mother.

Or it could just be him nipping in every day before work to make sure his widowed mum is OK ?

Ha. She sounds a twat. And I liked your come-back.

But honestly, is the pathetic man-child in the middle, lapping up two women fighting over him, worth it?! What a drip.

My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch.

And that's a problem because..? You actually come across as a bit mean, your comments were uncalled for.

I too would lay down my life for my son- {Or daughter if I had one} and other mothers are the same.

OP hasn't got children ? that explains a lot. She won't {yet} know that absolute unconditional love for one's child/ren.

He goes around most days and helps her around the house. He reciprocates by making him a lunch to take to work.

That’s just being close family, isn’t it? No need to pick a fight.

She sounds overbearing but you were just plain mean.

There's plenty of other ways you can lose him too - but I think you've picked a winner.

Christ, I love my kids and I might like doing things for them sometimes even as adults - but hopefully I won't be snide or competitive about it to sons or daughters in law of the future.

So Packed lunches are fine, the daily visits fine, the ‘first woman’ comments fine, the cuddling mollycoddling after the argument also fine? In isolation you can make excuses for any of this ridiculous babying behaviour but it all adds up. This kind of mother competing for love dynamic is also probably lost on British posters who have more distance in family relationships as a starting point. It’s not the same as close mother daughter relationships either as it’s ‘normal’ for a man to have one ‘woman’ in his life and many close male relationships, and vice versa. The equivalent would be the overprotective father. Why do we have the ‘mummy’s boy’ and ‘daddy’s girl’ tropes?

The OP started the confrontation by criticising MiL for doing a packed lunch. Why would she be surprised when this put MiL on the defensive ? She then made an awful comment about MIL’s demise which clearly upset MiL, and escalated the whole thing. And she’s surprised that this is the result. MiL has nothing to apologise for - seems to me the OP is the one doing the dishing out without any expectation of retaliation from MiL.

There is nothing wrong with a mother making pack lunch for her son. Yes he can make it himself but at the end of the day he is her son. It not like he doesn't have his own life -he is married to you after all. It is not a competition. I think most mothers love their children more. A mother's love is usually unconditional. Love between spouses is usually conditional.

OP, are you happy in this relationship?

Because I wouldn't be marrying him and having children with him if you aren't 100% happy.

Due to the general dynamics of your relationship with her, which doesn't sound great and certainly doesn't sound as if she particularly likes you, my guess is you gifted her a great big stick to beat you with!

She is probably rather happy with your pithy response.

Be careful of being out manoeuvred by her.

''Mum!!'' is the most called out for word on the Battlefields.
{In all languages}

''A Soldier's Song'' by a Falkland's veteran spoke of a mortally wounded young Argentine boy whom they thought was dead- his tag showed that he was 17 on the day they found him- he called for his Mum.

Well she has got what she wanted with crying as he is going to eat there tonight, I have told him to sleep there too.

I have invited a friend for dinner tonight to stop thinking about this. They can have their dinner date in peace.

This

Daddy’s girl is never seen as an insult though. It’s a badge normally worn with pride.

Well, you have a DP problem as much as a MIL. How often does he spend round there every morning @Didntmeanto6?

The first woman comment was in retaliation to the OP criticising her MiL for doing DP packed lunches sometimes. And if this is a case of DP dropping in on his mum on the way to work every day, how exactly does that impact the OP ? So what if she sometimes makes him a packed lunch - it doesn’t mean that’s the sole reason he visits. Did you ever stop to think that the packed lunch thing might be as a result of the fact that MiL is now widowed and likes the opportunity to care for someone she loves ? I would be far more suspicious of a man who put his mother at arms’ length once he married, just to keep his wife happy.

I hope your friend is providing her own go

G

My friends son has recently returned from Australia with his soon to be wife and she is doing HIS favourite dinners for every single of the 8 days he is with her.

She is a busy career woman and is so loving of how much her 35 year old son loves and remembers her ordinary cooking.

It is a happy memory for her that she cherishes, despite having a very full life.