Made MIL cry?!

[Didntmeanto6]

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

OP has already said that he does a lot for his mum. The work he does on the house for her, as the fact that he checks in on her every day, is probably something she appreciates a lot. She probably wants to do something for him in return. Like make him some lunch.

Making him a packed lunch is...well...probably more for her, make her feel needed.

Her PA comment about doing it because she loves him, and subsequent comment, was immature. She sounds emotionally immature. I would just accept that.

I think your response was immature too though. I think you would've been right to clarify what she meant by the comment though - was she implying that you don't love him? You decided to just play along with her silly PA game though. I would stop doing that.

Better still - don't comment at all - she likes making his packed lunch, he likes eating it - it is between the two of them.

Regardless of the dynamic between the OP and MiL, judging by a number of posts on here from others I never knew until today that providing food for your adult children was creepy and weird. Christmas must be a minefield.

She said that she was the first woman in his life and you responded that you will be the last. However, she was stating a fact, your response is not necessarily true though, is it?

Does it really matter if she makes him a packed lunch or gives him food to bring home?

She is his mum, I would have loved to have had a MIL that thought that way about her son.

It’s really not worth getting annoyed at, just ignore it and bite your tongue. Your DH obviously likes it, so let him, and as long as you aren’t acting like his mum, then who cares.

Poor man.

Ok maybe I'm misunderstanding, but I read it as the MiL was making a pack lunch for her son to bring to work. That's what I meant when I said my kids made their own lunch.
If we were eating in the house I'd make anyone lunch I'd they wanted it. Usually we all look after ourselves for lunch though.

He knows that she isn't the problem. You are.

I hear you.

Whilst I think you lost control, snapped and perhaps gave her the reaction she needed to play the victim ,I can understand how these things grate on you and get under your skin.

My mil at one time was unbearable, lots of sly digs, downright nasty comments, gas lighting etc... she put the phone down and screamed at my husband when we first announced I was pregnant and when I lost it through a traumatic ectopic pregnancy she was as happy as Larry and joyful.

However as we have both matured and I have had several kids she has been a doting and loving grandmother to them particularly my oldest who looks the image of my husband.
She has started to care for me too and often buys me thoughtful gifts...we will never be particularly close and there's a lot of things we don't agree on as she's from a completely different generation ( much older mum and was told she couldn't have children until my husband came along at 40)

I just had to stop reacting and let her get on with it to a point as my husband was put in-the middle.

Rise above it and ignore it, let her show her love for her son without interference and maybe things will work out.

OP isn’t a mother. As a mother I would lay down my life for my child even when adult. Would I do the same for a husband or partner? No.

I can only go on how you've presented yourself and your MiL on this thread. You couldn't witness a woman making sandwiches for her son in her own home without telling her off. A tolerant person would not be that petty.
If there's a long list of examples that demonstrate your MiL to be in the wrong and you to be tolerant, then you have chosen a poor example here.

Why should he? Adults don’t have those type of conversations over text!

Don’t think so. OP’s made herself look quite bad enough without the Mil’s input.

Maybe mothers do love their sons more, in fact they most certainly do. But I'm interested to know why they want to tell their sons' sexual partners this.

She didn't say "I love him more than you do" though did she? That's the subtext you read into what she said.

Just as many of us read the subtext of your 'I'll be the last' comment as being about the fact that when she dies, you'll still be around.

You said she was self centred for making that comment about her own mortality based on the subtext she read into your comment.

Are you not self centred then for making her comment about loving her son about your love for him based on the subtext you read into her comment?

Maybe you'll get closer to her, when she insists she has to move in with you in old age, and your fella is unable to say "no".

To be honest you're insulted that she insinuated that she loves him more.

Just going by your post it doesn't sound like you like him let alone love him.

I'm thinking now how it must feel to watch your children be in an unhappy relationship with someone who unkind.

You didn’t say anything that hasn’t been thought a million and one times over, but it was really mean of you. The comment about ‘the last’ was awful even though it’s true.

I couldn’t be with my husband if he spoke to my mum or dad like that and he wouldn’t like it one bit if I did it his.

You picked him OP 🤷‍♀️

I couldn’t give a shit if my MIL made my husband a sandwich. Let her fuss over him. You sound jealous of each other.

Op if she really does say things in that tone and you're sure it's not you being triggered, maybe you could just address it directly. Say 'MIL I feel upset when you say that, as it sounds like you're saying I don't love him because I don't cook for him- I really do love him so if that's what you meant it's hurtful.' That would be non passive aggressive and would allow you to clear the air. If you had said this then I would expect her to apologize or clarify that's not at all what she meant. As it stands you have sunk to her level and then way lower so whoever started it (maybe years ago) this is where you're at now

Yes, I had a similar reaction and I’m the mother of sons.

I loved that my late DH loved and cared for his mum, and that she loved him too. Their relationship boded well for how he'd treat women I reckoned. And I was right. He was a wonderful husband and a wonderful dad to our two daughters.

I hate these mummy's boy accusations. Similar ones are never levelled at women who care about their mums..

Jeez..you sound jealous of your MIL.

If she wants to make him a packed lunch, that's up to her!

Saying ''I will be the last woman in my husband's life'' is really nasty.

Plus- you don't KNOW that.

You could die before your MIL, or he could leave and find another woman.

Well she'll love it as long as he tells her some of its for her!!

My DP used to bring home soup his df cooked and told me it was made for his lunch the next day. Turns out it was for us to share, and he'd already had some while visiting!!
Greedy bastard. Your comment just reminded me of the 3 times he did it
I can laugh now but at the time I was (wrongly) mad at his df for not thinking about feeding me too!

Well he has sent a message to say he will go to her house this evening to talk with her, he will eat with her.