Made MIL cry?!

[Didntmeanto6]

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

She doesn’t have children? Yet she knows she won’t ever be making her adult children a packed lunch or doing any mum things once they’re adult or have a partner?

You are both bad. But you went overboard. Do you have sons? Maybe one day your DIL will be like you. What goes around comes around.

I actually think she got the same as what she was dishing out, if she didn't like it then she shouldn't do it.
I agree with you not apologising, that's what allows her to continue to think her behaviour is OK.

Somehow I doubt you would be.

Didntmeanto6 · Today 12:04

@peasandpetals
I'd be thrilled someone else was doing the packed lunch
Why would I be thrilled, this isn't my job, she isn't taking a task for me and making it easier? Why doesn't she come to my house and hoover my floors, then maybe I could be thrilled

Good grief, can you just imagine the international incident that would be made out of MIL daring to plug in the hoover? Surely that would make News At Ten. It far exceeds making a cheese butty....

...women spending loads of time with their mums fine but men doing it being considered weird

Yep. Going by past threads, there are many women in this forum who see or call their mums every day, and that's never questioned. A man does the same, and he's a mummy's boy or a man-child. It's illogical and ridiculous.

Nope, definitely no children, she said as much in her post at 10.37am

No I don't have children but I'm thinking of it, we would definitely need to move if this was the case, I can only imagine the hell it would be

YABU. You started it by commenting on her making his lunch. So what if she wants to and he’s happy to accept?

Don’t give it if you can’t take it.

Maybe mothers do love their sons more, in fact they most certainly do.
But I'm interested to know why they want to tell their sons' sexual partners this.

But she didn't actually say that according to your OP.

Maybe she's interested to know why her son's sexual partner feels the need to tell her to stop making meals in her own home.

@5128gap
woman who is intolerant of other women
Please don't try to portray me as something I am not to fit your position. I'm not a woman who is intolerant of other women, I'm a woman with a close relationship with my sisters and my own mother, and who has good female friends.

I'm intolerant of one particular woman who tries to take space within my romantic relationship, tries to belittle me, and then acts like the victim when I react.

"He didn't reply to my text saying he needs to solve this problem"

What problem?! You made her upset with a snide, unnecessary comment and now he's supposed to harangue his mum in to apologizing? Good luck is all I can say.

If you don't like it, leave. But they're close and you're not going to change that. I made a balanced comment before but you're just digging your heels in. You. Were. Rude. End of.

it’s what mums do!!

😆😆😆

I can't believe the number of people who think it's perfectly normal for a 40yr old man to have his lunch made by his mother, my kids have been doing their own since they're 10.

Well stop reacting then.

See what I mean? Also the assumption that he 'has to' which would never be labeled at a woman seeing her mum every day

I would see my mum every day, or most days if I could. What on earth is wrong with that. How patronizing and horrid to call someone 'little man' for being close to his family.

I honestly think you are both at fault. Maturity needed on both sides.

My mum would make me dinner at that age, why not? I’m sure lots of mothers make their adult children dinner or a snack. I don’t get why that’s an issue. If MiL was inviting herself on their holidays or date nights etc then that would be weird. Making food for your adult child is not weird or creepy in itself.

This is a really strange way of thinking.

My mum makes me lunch when I visit her if we don't go out somewhere. There's nothing intrinsically weird about it at all.

As I said unthread, you're projecting your dislike of her onto otherwise arbitrary things like someone making someone else a sandwich.

So don't involve her.

OP: AIBU?

Majority: Absolutely. Yes. Of course you are!

OP: No, no I'm not.

Majority: Why ask then?

I don't think bickering will help the situation.

I would avoid bringing up her relationship with her son. I mean, her making him lunch doesn't directly affect you as such.

I do find it a little strange but for the greater good I would just leave it be and try to be amicable (if you can).

Exactly!

her insinuating she loves him more

It's not a competition and doesn't need to be said out loud but... surely a mother does love their child 'more'?

You've got kids OP. You love them unconditionally right?

Whereas you've said he's welcome to end the relationship and go back to his mums to be her 'pet' if he wants to.

I mean... she does love him more!

And I think it's normal for a mum to be the person who loves their child the most. Again, not that it's a competition and it doesn't need to be vocalised. But it's weird you seem to have an issue with the fact that in principle she believes she loves him more than you do. She does.