So many child haters here

[Sabrinasummersamples]

So many threads on here seem to attract the same sort of answer along the lines of
-In my day we'd have got a smack. Never did me any harm. Give em a clip round the ear.
-kids today are entitled shrieky brats
-kids should stand for adults
-kids shouldn't be allowed in restaurants

Yet often those same posters are the first to call "agism" when people disagree.
Why do so many people hold such contempt for kids?
I mean I know kids can be annoying but honestly you could say that about any group of people. Plus we were all kids once 🤷

Parents and children can't win.

Kids are either noisy, shrieking and annoying, or sat engrossed in tech not communicating
The vast majority of children we know don't fit into either of those camps.

They behave appropriately for the situation, generally, and are reminded by their parents of what's expected if they don't.

That false dichotomy comes up on a range of threads where someone expresses frustration that their coffee date was impacted by screaming noisy children with ineffective parents. The inevitable replies "you'd be equally moaning if they had an iPad". Or someone expresses their irritation that their meal out was accompanied with over half an hour of Peppa Pig from the family on the next table who not only didn't bother with headphones but turned the tablet up loud. Inevitable replies "you'd be complaining if they were running around and playing though".

Do people really have such a low bar where the only form of expected behaviour is loud, disruptive behaviour as the parents shrug their shoulders and say "oh well it's just kids"?

I read it as the previous poster illustrating that there is nothing that would make some people happy. If they were speaking and laughing they'd be "shrieking" if they were colouring they'd be making a mess and being too disruptive, screen times sat slumped on a screen, and we've had plenty of why are they even allowed out AT ALL?

Yep I'm not white English and my partner is his side of the family are really self centred and I'm surprised they even bothered to have kids - totally materialistic and only care about money and how much who earns. It's got to the point where I'm going to start making excuses to not see them, when invited for future family gatherings etc.

I however believe children are blessings and it's down to their parents/family to help mould, parent and shape them into polite well behaved members of society.

This ^

The sense of immense entitlement and free will given to very small children that instead need guidance and boundaries is scary.

It's just priceless isn't it, blaming the bad behaviour of children on people who don't have children.

I have children. There is, however a definate increase in shrieky children at the moment. Very high pitch ones at that. One person decided it would be a good idea to take 5, shrieking, running little girls into a Supermarket today and did nothing to stop them. Was very painful for me and my autistic 9 year old son. Her excuse was that its the Summer hoildays, well that doesn't stop them from actually behaving themselves, does it?

I completely agree @Sabrinasummersamples Although you won't get much support on here, which is absolutely spectacularly ironic, seeing as it's mumsnet. There's a lot of child bashing and a lot of belief that people who have got children are actually secretly unhappy and massively regret having their children.

And then an absolute ton of posts appear from people who are child free, saying they are soooooooo much happier than the women they know with children, 🙄And then another load of posters pop up saying how happy they are being single and how miserable their married friends and work colleagues are.

I don't understand it and do often hide these threads as soon as I see them - because I find them exasperating and infuriating, and I just see them as click bait and goady to be honest with you, and genuinely question how many are real and genuine. Because in real life I know no-one like this. It really is a mumsnet thing.

Exactly. Some people - especially on here - just simply hate children. As I say though, I don't see this in real life. People love children, or they just like them, or they are indifferent. I don't know anyone in real life who hates children like some seem to on mumsnet. And I find it quite bizarre.

Yes, that was a particularly impressive reach.

Having children forces you to accommodate your children. I don't think it generally makes you less selfish or more tolerant when it comes to other people or even other children. On the contrary, I think many parents treat others worse in order to accommodate their children.

In fact, I remember reading that oxytocin (the hormone that in a simplified way is called the love hormone) increases the love that you have for people that you consider to be your in-group (e.g. family) but does the opposite for how you feel about people who are not in your in-group.

Having said that I have two young kids and having them hasn't changed much how I treat others though I definitely do prioritise their needs over that of others.

Kids can be very annoying. They haven't learnt social skills yet and young kids haven't developed empathy yet. Of course, they aren't as pleasant as adults. I feel sorry for my kids sometimes that they have to deal with so many little shits on a daily basis but I am also very aware that for others my kids are probably the little shits. (Just kidding. They are lovely 😍)

Can you explain why many of the posts the OP is taking about were posted by mothers, then?

I was on a thread arguing with mums that deliberately tripping up running kids was wrong.

The people that are the most intolerant of kids are very frequently those who have then themselves!

Speaking and laughing isn't shrieking. Ear piercing shrieking is something else alltogether. It surely can't be difficult to get neurotypical children above the age of 4 to walk around a Supermarket/go to restaurant without running around, screaming their heads off? I've managed it with 3 autistic children from about the age of 6 and they never shrieked, just had meltdowns/running off!

Yes yea yea

This👏👏

Surely that's a good thing? Especially as smacking is illegal in a lot of the UK now.

I'm certain people might dislike children less if they were better behaved, less noise, there's really no need for the level of screeching that goes on these days. If parents taught their kids better awareness of others instead of bring up the entitled bunch we see today.

Child haters
Dog haters
World haters

Did someone actually say "feckless"??🤣

I don’t hate children I dislike parents who can’t parent therefore potentially disadvantaging their children. I have seen a parent arguing with a server in a Wetherspoons type restaurant. The parent was trying to argue that the Blue Wicked her 9/10 year old son was drinking was hardly alcoholic so what was the issue with him drinking it as he gets it at home. A mother encouraging her two under 12s to shoplift, the parent who tells their child not to swear by using worse words than the child did or the parent who thinks it’s okay for their teenage children to ignore the hotel staff asking them not to do something for their own safety. What chance do these children have?

I do not hate children. I really do think lots of parents are shit, but I do not blame the children at all.

I have children, small ones. I am a gentle parent and have always gone for attachment parenting. I parent though! I hate all the crap directed at this type of parenting because people use it as a shield to hide behind while not bothering to parent at all. It really does not mean that you just let children do whatever.

I do have standards and my children are lovely wee beings. Though in fairness, I have only really my 7 year old because the baby is just being a gorgeous wee baby without any input from me. My older child is a sensitive wee soul, considerate of people and aware of boundaries. I have misophonia, so he is very considerate of noise. Perhaps too much so for his age. He does not play football in my garden, because the kicking a ball noise is a trigger for me.

I do struggle with children sometimes, but I know I have noise issues. I certainly do not hate children, but I have to work hard to be OK with normal noises, so it is so difficult when people do not step in for mad screeches and screams and just let children completely wild. I am all for children being free, but that needs offset by not doing everyone's head in!

I’m childless (couldn’t have them unfortunately) but have been in teaching and volunteer work for over 25 years with children, teens and young adults. I’ve noticed a HUGE shift over that time in terms of respect and behaviour expectations. I’m a far cry from thinking children should be ‘seen and not heard‘ yet the level of entitlement these days is outrageous - my job has turned from one of nurturing students and developing bonds to fighting parents who are outraged at me setting basic boundaries, so yes, when I’m having a coffee or on holiday and kids are running rings round a restaurant I roll my eyes. Apologies.

There are lots of people wanting to be clear that it's not kids they hate, but useless parenting/feckless parents, but the threads where young children are called awful names - 'fucking brats,' I've seen several times - are fairly unpleasant to read.

I really like children, and I like and appreciate them more as I get older. I suspect that they are profoundly better, more vibrant and joyful company than the MNers who can't stand them.

It's easier for people to think and say that kids are brats etc rather than the parents are bad parents, because that excuses them when/if their children are 'naughty'. You can tell if it's the children or the parents 'fault' though, because if a child is misbehaving and the parent is intervening it's just the child being naughty which is normal. If the parent is laughing/encouraging it/filming it/ignoring it it's the parents behaviour that is 'naughty'.