If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

This is exactly our set up too. Very happy but no massive house (yet! 😄)

I've a real mixture of friends.

I've got some who live in large houses like this.

Some work - but not high flying careers iyswim? They've worked around their children going to school (in schools, PT shop work). They are happy and didn't enjoy being at home when kids weren't.

Some work in high flying careers alongside their spouses. Both work really long hours, kids in indie school from 7.30-6.30 daily. That wouldn't be worth it for me but they seem happy and have really luxury holidays Teri e a year and have quality family time. (Advantage of indie is cheaper travel out of season).

I have 1 friend who remained a SAHM. Kids in indie. Did the whole coffees, shopping, pta thing. Husband worked long hours but earned a good amount. She seemed happy. But he had an affair and her world came crashing down. She had no job or work experience and apart form the devastating effect of the affair, having to downsize massively she wasn't able to get a job doing anything above NMW and even with child support her lifestyle changed massively. Much more now both kids are over 18. This one really hit home to me what people mean about the risks of not working.

I always wanted the lifestyle of loads of kids and being a SAHP. Life didn't turn out that way and I've been a LP since ds was 1 and he's disabled. I've worked since then and now earn twice what I did.

I think life can always seem greener. Personally having seen so many friends have massive life changes (as did I) I'd always encourage people to live the life they want but be aware everything is only as it is in the present.

Worked my arse off to retire mid 40s, i love doing whatever the hell i want when i want.

One of our neighbours has had to go back to work he's nearly 70.
(Don't know the reason why)
His wife is home all day on her own. Bored.

I’m at home at the moment, not through choice but necessity… live in an aspirational house which is nice for three reasons - garden/views, plenty of space for everyone to have their own interests, entertaining is great.

However, the cleaning is endless (even with a cleaner), the maintenance also endless - quality of life is lesser due to the money put into house, or you have faulty towers, you can end up living too separately, you collect a lot of clutter.

While it is nice when having children, I’m looking forward to downsizing and having my husband back when kids have left, we’ll have the money to travel and have fun more together.

The grass is always greener no matter your situation. Even with more money you would just buy a bigger house, car, fancier hols, clothes…. And be right back in the same position.

We're sort of in this situation - well our house is fairly ordinary (4 bed Victorian terrace) but in central London so it's big by London standards! Sahm to 2 dc aged 2 and 5, no pets, and we're very happy. DH works in tech and does 50/50 in evenings and weekends. Never works away and doesn't look at work emails or laptop once he gets home, or all weekend. DC1 in prep school and DC2 not in childcare, but doing lots of expensive toddler classes. We are out of the house every day and do days out with DH every weekend. Life is fun, we can afford to do nice things with the dc and there's plenty on offer (though we also spend time doing free things like the museums and playgrounds). Have been spending the summer holidays taking DC1 to fun summer camps, going on days out to London attractions and theatre shows, a family holiday in Europe and exploring the lovely green spaces near our house.

I probably spend less time than needed on running our home - I'm not used to a big house and I prioritise doing things with the dc over domestic tasks. Planning on a big renovation once DC1 is in preschool so that will keep me busy. When DCs are older I'll probably spend more time on hobbies, maybe doing some study for fun (I have 2 UGs and 1 PG), be a bit more organised with the home and finances, and keeping myself healthy.

DH's income has meant we have enough financial security that I was able to take risks when investing so most of our financial assets are down to my financial management, and I have a passive income so we're financially secure, and have maxed out pension and ISA contributions.

That's sort of me I guess. SAHM, two kids under 4, fairly big house and garden, DP earns a lot. We have a cleaner and gardener and babysitter. I don't think I'll do it long term but while the kids are pre school it makes sense for us. I don't feel as if I have huge amounts of free time - I feel as if I'm running around after the kids all the time. I think once they are in school I'll probably look at going back to work or retraining.

I do sort of like the idea of a life of leisure but I think I'd feel pretty worried about lacking independence and potentially being screwed if we broke up.

If the big house had land and stables I’d be game! To be honest if I had land and stables I’d live in a caravan!!
im a sahm to a 3 yo ds and a 10 month old ds. We own an ex council house. I love our house but definitely would love my own bit of equestrian heaven! Maybe one day…. I’ve never put the euro millions on but I’ve just been to the shop and the guy in front of me got a lucky dip so I thought oh sod it I’ll get one … so 🤞🏻 😂

I would be but I'm older, I've done the whole working thing and it's overrated, I'm quite ready to end getting up at 7.30am. Dp is older than me and is able to retire in 3 years anyway. A bigger house (ideally with separate annex) means I could have dsd permanently live with us with carers rather than her living elsewhere where we worry about her. Quite specific reasons I suppose (she has 24/7 care but being able to keep an eye would really help my dp)

I live in a big house in a beautiful area with an acre of gardens all around.
We both have nice cars (not flash but a year old). Numerous pets including a horse. My DH works long hours and I work part time but still have time for hobbies etc. Honestly living in a big house means you have to earn quite a bit to maintain it.
We gave spent around £50 k in two years on replacing essential stuff (roof etc!) and will need to continue to renew and replace stuff. We have to pay for help (gardener, window cleaner etc) as its too much for us to keep up- therefore have to earn enough to do so. We earn about 7.3k a month combined after tax etc. sounds a good amount but it all goes! I’m no more happy here than our smaller home we lived in previously!!

Tbh I find family life quite overrated especially as we are all older and grumpier. I find my work ( not all work) so much easier and more linear, if you know what I mean. Not like handling stroppy teens.

I think that’s a key point isn’t it. Having the choice. If you work long stressful hours it really helps to know that you could give it up financially if you needed to. And if don’t work, it probably helps to know you could go back. I think having the option there is really important, even if you don’t use it!

I am in this position, although DH doesn't work long hours to fund me being at home and we have 2 children (aged 3 and 1.5) who attend nursery part time, plus we have a cleaner in weekly and a lovely lady who does our ironing.

I enjoy the freedom it gives me to do as I like to an extent, as well as spending time with the children and DH separately.
I am generally responsible for the majority of household chores (there are a few I have delegated to DH) and the majority of household/family admin. I enjoy the role I have and if one day I suddenly decide I'm no longer happy in this position, I wouldn't hesitate to find a hobby or a job that I would enjoy spending my time on

Not read any replies but usually you'll be told on here that the man working long hours in a high stress job is the privileged one and the wife at home is the one we should pity for having to give up her beloved job and instead suffer the continual mental load of doing the washing and a bit of ironing -maybe not even all that if she has a cleaner as many well off people with big homes do. It's totally equivalent to a FT job, dontchaknow.

She would of course much rather be working 60+ hours a week because sitting at a desk isn't just something you do to pay the rent, it's what we all secretly long to do for the majority of our lives.

Oh, these lucky men that get to work to 65yo and clock 35 more years in the office than us unlucky sods. It's so unfair! 😢

Ha. They are sincere.

I did it for a bit (we were abroad and I couldn’t work), I was going out of my mind. Voluntary stuff helped a bit, but barely.

It felt to me like if would if it were always Christmas or always holidays - I like both but if it’s all the time it’s like torture. To me anyway.

You should read the replies because quite a few responses are rather different.

My former/ex-stepmother used to live in a very affluent area.

used to work one day a week as a therapist so she wouldn’t „get bored“, went to pilates several times a week, did a lot of knitting, gardening, photography and had a very active social life.

she seemed very relaxed. But not necessarily happy…

I live in a relatively large house - 5/6 bedrooms, large garden, 2 young children, yes I am happy but it is hard work sometimes, but I found that before the children when I worked full time too.
We do have additional help (cleaner once a week) and a nanny on weekday mornings. My husband works very long hours (6:30am- 10/11pm), self employed.
The children will go to private school, and I will work in our family business When I have more time for that.
I genuinely love the life I have - of course there are hard parts, stuff still goes wrong, sad things happen, but we live a comfortable life which I am grateful for. I am fortunate because I get to do my hobby still so I still have my own time, even with young children.
My children have a wonderful childhood, something neither my husband or I had, so I feel like for me right now that is the most important thing for me to be doing.

Like the one above my post? 😂

Which one?

We talk about this often. It’s something I have felt anxious about in the past. my husband and I check in regularly about work loads - he does enough child care at weekends etc to be very aware of how full on it is + is very keen to remind me that when I went back to work part time after our first DC I referred to my work days as my days off…

he could not do his job and have a family if he didn’t have support at home from me. His life is so much easier and less stressful than his business partners because I am at home with our children and vs his wife who is a corporate wizard of some sort (I lose track, she’s a badass)

but our shared view is that it’s equal effort not equal output. As long as you both check in with each other + reevaluate as you move through different seasons - then no one needs to feel taken advantage of

I am so glad you say this because I have been a guest in homes of seriously wealthy people - you know cinema rooms, expensive art etc and I was so relieved to get back to my cosy little house. If I had more money I would not use it to buy a big house.

The one above my post. 😂

DH is a high earner for our area (probably just above average for the likes of London).
We have a big house (5 bed detached) but it's not our dream house. It's lovely though and will likely be our forever home.
I'm a SAHM and youngest starts school in sept and DH wants me to stay as a housewife.

I clean and tidy, go to the gym. The things that make me happy are seeing my friends for lunch/coffee, the freedom to take life at my own pace and spending lots of time with my children.

I agree. I also think it depends on what work you do. I am an artist so I love my work and would never give it up.