AIBU to be pissed off at sick colleague

[RoseElla]

This might sound bitchy, have name changed and will change some details so it’s not too outing to the person, as I’m just looking to vent and see if it’s reasonable as my other colleague is so OTT sympathetic to the point it winds me up.

colleague has been working at company about 18 months. Has had around 10 episodes of sickness with the last one being a week long. The company don’t seem to be following regular sickness rules (we go by scoring) and she is so far over the threshold it’s unbelievable. She has said it’s all for the same stomach issue and it’s under investigation and our manager has basically told HR they don’t ever need to flag it.

im just shocked tbh never have I had an employer be so unbothered. In my last jobs they would be trying to get her out and I get that sounds harsh but it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit, even doing some from home but it’s just nothing.

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

I can see why you're fed up, but you're directing your anger at the wrong person. it's not the ill person's fault that she is unwell, but it's cheeky of your manager to expect you to suck it up and work harder every time, using the excuse that you're actually working under half capacity (which doesn't explain why she hired a new person, so she's actually lying to you)

I'd just suck it up and earn some brownie points by pretending to be willing. After all, it's not going to be forever.

It is clearly very lucky you have never had to go through investigations such as these then. As someone who has had bowel investigations for over 2 years to still be unclear on what is causing it but hospital knowing my levels, pain and a host of other side effects, make it clear that you can have investigations without a label for quite some time. It is often a process of elimination, rather than simply straight forward diagnosis. And for what it's worth my employers (who have been amazing) list it as a disability as by their definition it is, and even though many colleagues know the basics of what it is going on with me I assure you only HR and my managers know the extent of it all.

It is unfortunate about the work load for you but that is not down to your colleague's medical situation and you YABU to claim it is unreasonable when you have no clue what is going on with her.

it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit

You can see from all the responses that YABU in terms of being concerned about someone else's working arrangements.

Unless ... their absence is having an impact on your ability to do your job. That's not so clear from your posts.

From what you say in your posts, your manager seems to think that your current workload is OK. Do you think you have evidence of an overload of work stemming from your colleague's absences? Can you document that?

I know how annoying it is to have to cover for a constantly absent colleague. But if the person is genuinely ill, and not a hypochondriac, or skiving, then it's irrelevant to you unless you're then forced to do extra work. The workplace/management rely on everyone else staying healthy to take on extra. If you are doing extra, then that's what you need to focus on documenting.

Please reflect on why you feel so strongly about this to discuss it on an online forum? Is it because they’ve taken so much time off and it’s impacting your workload? Is it because it seems unfair? Are you someone who has been fortunate enough not to need time off work sick?
I think this is more about you than them.

I used to work somewhere, and a member of staff in the team office next to mine was off very regularly over a period of several years. Everyone assumed they were exagerating their illness to get a lot of long weekends and time off work. HR got involved, the rest of the team were under a huge amount of extra pressure, manager was pulling their hair out.
Eventually they got a diagnosis (having been to GP and A&E multiple times) after one of their bouts of sickness. Cancer. They died just a few weeks later.
So yes, it is awful for the people picking up the pieces, but you never know what's happening.

OP, let's say that next week you get diagnosed with cancer, epilepsy, Crohn's disease or some other illness that may mean you go off sick (it could take months, even years to get a diagnosis for some things so you may have periods of sickness not knowing what's wrong). How would you like your workplace to manage your sickness? Do you think you should be fired?

I think you’re missing the point of your own post OP. Look at your job and responsibilities taking into account the extra work you’re having to do. Is it working for you? It doesn’t matter why you’re having to do it. Plenty of people have their jobs changed under them. Decide if you want to stay. If you want to leave do tell them why though as you may help the next person who lands the position. It is HRs job to make sure that the workload is spread fairly if someone’s off sick and they are not bothering. This happens a lot in teaching. We lost a lot of teachers over it.

The experience is some time ago now, but this thread resonated because of how awful she made me feel every time I returned from sick leave, and the way she constantly questioned my disability. Thankfully there are less dramatic ways to deal with attitudes like this nowadays, as we have the protection of the Equality Act. I still to this day can’t believe I did what I did, but overhearing that conversation was the last straw and it seemed the only way to shut her up once and for all !!

So what is your definition of an "actual disability"?

Because here in the real world, any condition that a person finds DISABLING is a disability.

If your colleagues condition renders her unable to work on a frequent basis, it disables her, thus, she has a DISABILITY.

If I were you, I'd have some compassion and alter your stance. You never know when you might need the equality act yourself

For someone not trying to be horrible, you're awfully good at it. I'd hate to see how horrible you can be when you are trying.

Of course you are being unreasonable, just because the hospital have not found the root cause of your colleagues problem does not make it any less serious.

My mum had an ongoing illness, I won't go into detail as it would be too outing and I may be identified if previous posts were looked up.

However the investigations took ages, people around deemed it not serious when infact it was a very serious illness. Which we all wish had been caught sooner.

You shouldn't put blame on your colleague for your workload, you need to speak to your line manager if the workload is too much for you when your colleague is off. Its down to management to sort not your colleague to be guilt tripped when she is probably going through a stressful time right now.

The Equality Act defines disability as a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on the ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities. Substantial means more than minor or trivial and impairment covers long-term medical conditions and fluctuating or progressive conditions. Formal diagnosis of a condition is not necessary but the person would need medical evidence to show that the way in which they are affected meets the definition under the Act. Some people, including those with cancer, multiple sclerosis and HIV/AIDS, are automatically protected as disabled people by the Act and those with severe disfigurement will be protected as disabled without the need to show substantial impairment.

You are complaining that a colleague has a chronic health condition and that you have a completely manageable amount of work on your desk. You are the employee management is going to be concerned about, not the employee trying to keep working through the difficult process of ongoing illness.

Probably thinks because she can't see it, it doesn't exist

OP I know you've changed some details but I assume the detail that it's the same condition each time is correct. If that is the case, it is covered by the Equality Act as people have said.

Also - if it's the same condition it wouldn't usually trigger sickness absence protocols - you trigger them for different things, like if you have flu then covid then a sickness bug but if each absence is for the same condition, it's treated as one trigger, not three, if you see what I mean?

If your workload is too much, you need to address that. It is nothing to do with your colleague and everything to do with your manager.

As someone with a similar sounding health issue, my manager has stepped in and quietly informed HR that my illness leave is justified.

My coworkers know that I’ve been seeing a doctor for the last few months. I tell them it’s because my doctor is running tests to see what’s up, but truth is, I know what’s happening. I just don’t want to tell my coworkers what disease I’ve been diagnosed with because it’s none of their business.

If you can’t handle your workload, that’s between you and your manager. Leave your poor coworker out of it. She didn’t ask to be ill.

She might have a medical condition she doesn’t want to divulge so is telling you all it’s under investigation / no diagnosis yet.

The only people who know what is really going on are her and your manager / HR if they say it’s covered then it’s covered.

You don’t need to pick up someone’s slack though, if your day is busy you need to be assertive and explain the the manager that you are only able to do xyz today and unable to do abc because you’re only one person.
You need to highlight the extra workload you can’t manage not the other employee’s sickness, your manager is already aware of it and it has nothing to do with you.

It's really none of your business why your colleague is off and completely not your place to make a judgement about it.

If you feel your workload is too high then you need to talk to your manager about it from that perspective, keeping the conversation very much to YOU and YOUR workload, and not blaming your colleague. It's your manager's responsibility to arrange cover if you are overworked.

I'd be annoyed as it seems from the information you have they may be taking more time off than others would for the same condition. Seems that there is nothing you can do about their absence especially as you note, the condition was declared before employment. Given the NHS waiting list is now almost 1 in 10 of the population, if there is medical treatment that needs surgery I can see why it might not have happened for say 18 months.

Workload being too high whatever the cause is something to raise with your manager.

The only person telling you the condition is undiagnosed is your colleague. Because you don't have access to her HR records nor to the conversation she had at interview or subsequently.

So she may have a diagnosis, she may not. As @Daisy523 has pointed out, sometimes there may be no diagnosis, sometimes there is and the person doesn't want to share it with everyone. Either way the company are supporting her quite rightly - if she has a diagnosis, she's told those that need to know and that is all she needs to do.

Your problem is the workload you're managing. You've had some good advice about how to re-approach your manager to get this sorted out but one thing you can do (and I think it's been mentioned but I'll reiterate) is to stop managing the extra workload. I don't mean dragging your feet, I mean doing what you can do reasonably. Your own work. You then prove they need two people on the job. That doesn't mean getting rid of your colleague, it means getting someone in maybe part time to take the pressure off you (and your sick colleague). Whether that's a temp when she's called in sick or whether it's a permanent part time person on a short contract to spread the load is up to the company. But whilst you're managing it won't change.

No need to vilify your colleague though. They appear to have been upfront with the manager and HR at interview. Just because you're not privy to that conversation doesn't mean she should go. You're not the boss, you have no say in that decision.

Others have given you some ideas about how to challenge it if you think your workload is unreasonable. I think these are good ideas, and you should definitely try them. If you're in a trade union, it may also be worth getting some advice from them on how to handle this situation.

However, if things continue, and you're not happy with the situation long term, then why not look for another job? A) You may find something that suits you better, and where your workload feels more manageable, and B) If management see that you are looking elsewhere, they may be more motivated to tackle the situation (because hiring someone new, and training them (particularly with another staff member who is often ill) will likely create them extra work).

I agree with others on this thread, it's not your colleague's fault, but if you are picking up all the additional work, I can see how you are a bit resentful about this. But ultimately you need to tackle the actual problem it is causing you, not just get frustrated by the situation with your colleague.

"..........so I really don’t think it’s an actual disability"

Oh right. So what do you consider to be an "actual disability", OP? How do YOU define an "actual disability"? Many disabilities are invisible.
I find your post very ableist: I am fed up of reading ableist posts on here, and yours is one of the worst I've seen.

Without knowing what the condition is, how do you know they are taking more time off than others with the same condition ? That’s an assumption on your part and an unfair one - nothing the OP has posted suggests this. From what the OP says, the employer is complying with the Equality Act in that time taken off because of a qualifying disability is not flagged up as sick leave. For this to happen, the sick note provided has to support that.

The OP has clearly never heard of the Equality Act and has no idea that under it there is a legal definition of disability. And from what she says, it sounds as though her colleague’s condition qualifies. Despite efforts to highlight hidden disability, some people still think that unless you’re sitting in a wheelchair bandaged from head to foot, you’re not disabled !!

I had 2 disabilities when l was working. I want off much but one of them was always the reason.

I had no allowances made. It’s not enshrined in law.