AIBU to be pissed off at sick colleague

[RoseElla]

This might sound bitchy, have name changed and will change some details so it’s not too outing to the person, as I’m just looking to vent and see if it’s reasonable as my other colleague is so OTT sympathetic to the point it winds me up.

colleague has been working at company about 18 months. Has had around 10 episodes of sickness with the last one being a week long. The company don’t seem to be following regular sickness rules (we go by scoring) and she is so far over the threshold it’s unbelievable. She has said it’s all for the same stomach issue and it’s under investigation and our manager has basically told HR they don’t ever need to flag it.

im just shocked tbh never have I had an employer be so unbothered. In my last jobs they would be trying to get her out and I get that sounds harsh but it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit, even doing some from home but it’s just nothing.

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

Yes, OP, YABU to be annoyed with your ill colleague. Her illness is none of your business, you don't know all the details and, in any event, your employer clearly knew there were health issues before she was hired.

If it is your workload (which you agree is currently fine for one person to do) that is concerning you, then it is a matter between you and your manager.

Sorry, review and ask THEM to come back with a proposal on how to manage” 🤦‍♀️

Yes YABVU. If you have workload issues speak to your manager and other than if you want to show some sympathy or if she asks for advice keep your beak out of your colleagues health.

she is quite open about it and has said they aren’t sure what the issue is and are still investigating

Have you ever been in the hospital system for investigations? Sometimes it takes years. I’ve been under cardiology for 16 months, although struggling for 2 years, so far I’ve had one appointment and one test. I’m still waiting to hear about that and it was 2 months ago.
I waited 14 months for a colonoscopy, and that was pre covid times when the waiting lists were shorter. Things take time unless you are lucky enough to be able to pay private.

I had someone working for me in my team with a disability. They had periods when they’d be off- Bradford factor was piss poor. BUT, they were disabled (hidden) and our company, being healthcare related, wasn’t going to sack someone who’d worked with them for years because of developing a health issue- not a good look for them.

My job as manager was to ensure that workload was managed. That I produced the data to track hours worked by team based on attendance and productivity, vs the hours of work needed. Our work load varied considerably so I would forecast this forward and use this to hire temps for peak periods etc or if I knew this disabled colleague was going to be off for a while

it was my job to listen to my reports concnets and gripes about workload, a it is with very manager. To take it seriously. Investigate to see why. Then fix it.

You have a management problem, not a colleague problem

You have no idea whether she is diagnosed with anything or not and you have no idea of the terms of her contract. YOU do YOU

Yep. And this is how the Equality Act works. It’s not necessary to have a formal diagnosis to be treated as having a disability as long as you have medical evidence to support that the way in which you are affected qualifies under the Act. And it’s obvious from the OP’s post that if she’s correct and there is no diagnosis yet (don’t know how she actually knows this though), her employer is treating her as disabled based on how she is affected and the evidence to support that.

Maybe it's infertility related. I disclosed my ongoing fertility treatment on my current role and had lots of time off. I lost 3 pregnancies in that time and had a severe reaction to one medication. My colleagues knew it as "stomach issues" as understandably I was a mess inside. I was protected under UK law during this time and had to have considerable mental health support. Constant questions from colleagues that are nosey AF led me to disclosing my issues, then I had to face comments such as "you took 6 weeks off for a miscarriage...that doesn't effect work just move on", "if you didn't take a test when your period was due you wouldn't have known and done this to yourself". I thought I was doing the right think telling people and maybe someone else there would be in a similar boat, but no. I just got awful comments.

I know this might not be the case but a lot is disguised under "stomach issues" and it can be a very long, painful process. Just a thought....

Ignore- don't be that person. Not your call, or your business.

The sickness point systems are awful and lead to people sacrificing their health because they are afraid to take time off. And they lead to this mentality that anyone being ill is an inconvenience, instead of having a small amount of decency for a colleague clearly having a tough time with their health.

Her sickness is nothing to do with you. If the workload is too much then the issue is poor management. Be angry and frustrated with management, not the person with an illness out of their control.

FFS you are so judgemental. Get on with your own bloody life. You’re lucky you are dealing with a health issue like that, I know of people that it’s taking years to get a proper diagnosis and it’s not fun for the individuals living with the health issues. God forbid you don’t ever suffer with something like that poor person is dealing with.

We had a colleague with a LOT of sick days here and there. Eventually diagnosed with bowel cancer. Someone used to moan all the time about her being off, until the reason was explained. Don't be THAT person.

A diagnosis can take a very long time, for a multitude of reasons. I was born with 3 disabilities and was diagnosed with one at 21, another at 25 and was finally diagnosed with Epidermolysis Bullosa at 26.

EB is really rare (about 5,000 of us in the UK) and my case is 'mild' which is why it took so long to diagnose (I was misdiagnosed along the way as well).

In some cases, people never get a diagnosis, particularly with extremely rare genetic disorders which may only be seen in a handful of people globally.

You don't need a diagnosis to be considered disabled under the EA2010. It's based on the symptoms and effect on you, not what the diagnosis is. Bar a small number of conditions where you are automatically considered disabled if you have them e.g. cancer.

I have a congenital disability - spina bifida. I worked full time for over twenty years and managed to hide most aspects of the condition until it started to become unmanageable with age onset. It was really difficult, as anyone who has, or knows someone with the condition, will appreciate.

Among my colleagues was an older lady - someone who refused to believe I was disabled to any great extent, based on the fact that she couldn’t see it all. Every time I went off sick - which was quite a bit by the time I had to take early retirement - she had something to say on my return to work. One day I came into the workplace just in time to hear the end of a conversation clearly about me, in which this person was telling another colleague that she knew someone with spina bifida, and I clearly didn’t have it.

The only way I could stop her vitriol was to ask to see her in private. I took her into the ladies toilet and proceeded to undress my lower half and show her the disfigurement to my spine, and the ostomy I was disguising and managing and the padding I had to use. I also showed her the contents of the sports bag I brought into work every day - which had also been the subject of her nosiness - all the while explaining in detail the way in which the spinal injury affected my body function and mobility. She went white, stuttered some excuse and scurried out of the ladies and didn’t speak to me again unless it was about work matters. But the vitriol stopped.

The reality is OP, that you have no way of knowing what this lady is going through and short of her doing what I did, you never will. You need to have the compassion for her that you may one day need someone else to show you. There, but for the grace of God and all that.

Sorry that happened to you 💐

The comment about 'early' pregnancy testing you had was awful. It's important not to delay finding out you're pregnant if you have reason to suspect pregnancy.

It doesn't matter how early a pregnancy is lost, it's still a loss. It could also pose a risk to the mother, whether through an ectopic or though an incomplete miscarriage leading to infection.

If I hadn't known I was pregnant when my ectopic pregnancy ruptured I wouldn't have known I needed to go to A&E (mild symptoms) and could have died.

It's really not your business. You are not being told because it's her business. If you can't manage your workload then speak with your manager.

Refuse to make it your problem. ie don't pick up the slack. Doing so is causing you to resent her and your job.

100%.

I'd push you away too, you shouldn't be raising it it's absolutely none of your business why she's off. That's between her, her manager and HR.

None of your business.

All you can do is flag the workload without mentioning her.

Be careful you don’t drift into bullying behaviour/chat.

Wow your colleague is fucking awful!!!

Imagine if you were sick/disabled/incapacitated by something and it was your workplace's policy to disclose the exactly medical and personal conditions and details to your colleagues just so they don't feel hard done by. As soon as you apply even the smallest amount of critical thought to this situation, OP, you can surely see why it is that you don't know her circumstances and reasons for absence.

*the exact

Exactly......I had to know because my consultant needed to know. We had to make decisions about medications etc for a positive test so I couldn't have done the "suprise pregnancy" crap...like I need meds. People don't get it. It also took YEARS, 2 and a half years for our first, 18months for our 2nd and almost 4 years (and 3 miscarriages for our 3rd and final). He's 6 months now 💙

This colleague might not even be of child bearing age, she may have had a hysterectomy for all I know BUT.....if the OP doesn't know that it's worth considering it an option. This would explain HR and management being supportive by the sounds of things, they'd be in very rough water if it was pregnancy/miscarriage related and they were disciplining left and right. Like I said I maybe wrong but OP I'd stop prying and concentrate on your own workplace issues and raise them again if you think it's necessary.

A firm diagnosis isn’t a necessary pre-requisite of a disability, as HR well know.

So YABU and I’d advise you to keep your trap shut.