Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at sick colleague

262 replies

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:31

This might sound bitchy, have name changed and will change some details so it’s not too outing to the person, as I’m just looking to vent and see if it’s reasonable as my other colleague is so OTT sympathetic to the point it winds me up.

colleague has been working at company about 18 months. Has had around 10 episodes of sickness with the last one being a week long. The company don’t seem to be following regular sickness rules (we go by scoring) and she is so far over the threshold it’s unbelievable. She has said it’s all for the same stomach issue and it’s under investigation and our manager has basically told HR they don’t ever need to flag it.

im just shocked tbh never have I had an employer be so unbothered. In my last jobs they would be trying to get her out and I get that sounds harsh but it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit, even doing some from home but it’s just nothing.

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 10/08/2023 12:48

I’m definitely not trying to be ableist

You should give it a try then, you are a natural.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/08/2023 12:48

You seem very hung up on fact it’s not got a label. She’s clearly got a serious illness and is undergoing ongoing appointments. If they put a label bowel cancer on it would that affect how you viewed her? The time off work would be the same.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 10/08/2023 12:49

You sound delightful 🙄

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/08/2023 12:49

Yikes i would hate to have a colleague like you. I was off for almost 8 months with hyperemesis, not many people knew, i almost died twice and lost one of my twins, if my colleagues complained like you are because of stress THEY were having without knowing the full scale...

continentallentil · 10/08/2023 12:49

OP, use your intelligence a bit here.

It sounds like she has an established condition here - perhaps something like colitis or who knows what. That’s why it isn’t being flagged.

IF her absence is creating problems for you, then go see your manager and/or HR and ask them to make provision for it.

You aren’t 12 and you don’t need to personalise it.

SerafinasGoose · 10/08/2023 12:53

I would just assume there is something about your colleague's condition that you don't know, OP. And that's as it should be.

It may well be that your employer is operating within the dictates of the law.

If you are finding a disproportionate increase in your workload that is over and above your contractural obligations, then I'd treat this as a separate matter and flag it with your line manager.

AnSolas · 10/08/2023 12:53

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:34

Why would it be if there is no diagnosis and just an ongoing issue that’s being investigated? I feel for her but there’s sick policies for a reason even if sicknesses are completely legit and it’s just affecting the company and work load of others

You are objecting to your company being a good employer when it come to sickness.

For you that is a good thing

If you have a problem with taking on extra work that is between you and your manager.
If it is unmanagable your manager needs to get a temp or a parttimer to act as cover

Hintofreality · 10/08/2023 12:54

She may have cancer, and HR might be trying to protect her privacy.

JenniferBarkley · 10/08/2023 12:55

Sounds like she has an ongoing condition and her employer is being supportive - I would be glad to be working for a supportive employer in the hopes I would also be supported if I developed any health problems.

Original poster
RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:55

Manager told me I was just fortunate the work load hasn’t been up to the amount it can be for one person and so yes they accept I’m taking on the amount she would be doing; it’s still perfectly reasonable for one person but then everyone else gets to do less as they have 2 people working on it

OP posts:
SunsetOverParadise · 10/08/2023 12:58

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:55

Manager told me I was just fortunate the work load hasn’t been up to the amount it can be for one person and so yes they accept I’m taking on the amount she would be doing; it’s still perfectly reasonable for one person but then everyone else gets to do less as they have 2 people working on it

If you think you are doing more than you should be doing then that’s the issue you need to take unbridgeable with. Your previous comment about the nature of the illness of your colleague and how that is being tackled has nothing to do with you. Separate the two things out. You seem hell bent on vilifying your colleague.

SunsetOverParadise · 10/08/2023 12:59

*umbridge!

dhilez · 10/08/2023 13:00

Mind your business and stop being a busy body.

If you’ve got a problem with your workload that should be raised to your manager, otherwise you should keep your nose out.

Remaker · 10/08/2023 13:02

I started a new job and a few months in I started to get sick a lot. A colleague was constantly mentioning it. Wow you are always sick. Sick again! Goodness I’ve never known anyone to be sick as often as you. I was previously a very healthy person but she refused to believe this.

Ultimately I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. And I hope my colleague feels like an absolute piece of shit for the way she treated me. I will be very interested to see her reaction when I return to work in a month or so. I’ve been off for six months having treatment, maybe she thinks she’s entitled to an opinion about that too.

You’ve no right to private medical information about your colleague. Just get on with your own job and get your nose out of other people’s business.

anniegun · 10/08/2023 13:02

It has nothing to do with you. You have said your workload is not unreasonable so I do not know why you are insisting on being involved

Lottaflowers · 10/08/2023 13:03

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

Obviously you do not have the misfortune of being a person who, through no fault of their own, has to live their life blighted by a chronic illness(s). Thank your lucky starts that you are not the person who is ill. Chronic illness is like a lottery you pray you never win. You have no idea how absolutely soul destroying it can be to live with chronic illness and have to take more time off work than everyone else. How isolating it feels knowing that your colleagues wish the managers "would be trying to get her out" as you so untactfully put it.

It is not your sick colleagues fault that your managers aren't re-distributing the workload properly.

roses321 · 10/08/2023 13:05

Yes you're being unreasonable. I understand it but there could be something going on that is quite serious and that you don't know about - as a result my advice is to keep your counsel and your judgement neutral. It could be stomach cancer or it could even be something else totally like DV which her manager is protecting her regarding. I think just raise any concerns over workload completely neutrally but your employer are doing the right thing, I often have to cover stuff up if staff are having a hard time with something and it is confidential and nobody elses business.

TheShellBeach · 10/08/2023 13:05

You say you're not being bitchy, but actually, you are, OP.

You have no idea what health conditions your colleague suffers from - neither should you - it is absolutely none of your business.

Teaandbiscuits60 · 10/08/2023 13:08

Be careful here. I feel that colleague is covered by disability law and no you do not have the right to know about it. If you’re unhappy at doing more when she is ill, suggest temp staff member is used to cover her from an agency and take the pressure off you. However do not keep on about her sickness she obviously is covered by a law and management are not telling you as they should protect her privacy and shouldn’t tell you. I think if you keep on about her and fixate I wonder if they’ll get rid of you.

Fbshe · 10/08/2023 13:09

Mind your business. Other employees illnesses are nothing to do with you.

DinoSaw · 10/08/2023 13:10

Your workload would drop dramatically if you stopped spending so much time noting your colleagues sick time, monitoring everyone else’s workloads and whinging.

You’ve been told the amount you are doing is within the expected scope. You don’t seem to be disputing that. And yet you are still whinging. So it seems to me someone at your workplace might need managing out, and it’s not your sick colleague.

Crossstich · 10/08/2023 13:12

As others have said it is ilegal to discriminate on grounds of disability. She may have a disability that is causing her illness. I'm sure she would rather not have stomach issues causing her to take sick leave.
In my opinion companies that have harsh sickness policies are not only heartless but also denying themselves a source of possible good employees.
Having said that they should make sure you don't have to take up all the slack when she is sick

Hufflepods · 10/08/2023 13:12

What adjustments do you think would be reasonable for you though? If your employer has confirmed you have a reasonable amount of work for 1 person, what exactly is your issue? How would working from home help?

This just sounds like bizarre bitterness.

ActDottie · 10/08/2023 13:14

You don’t know the full story I’m sure HR know.

amusedbush · 10/08/2023 13:14

Crikey, you'd shit a brick if you heard how long it took me to get a diagnosis! I have a genetic condition that doesn't show up on blood tests, scans, etc. It's diagnosed through physical examination and elimination of every other possible cause.

GPs would grudgingly offer a blood test (telling me they couldn't do anything before they had recent blood results) but it would inevitably come back clear so they would close the case. I was finally referred to an NHS specialist but they rejected the referral on the grounds that they were busy and my (then suspected) condition "has no cure anyway". I paid to go private and was fobbed off with "it's probably just fibro" (spoiler: it isn't).

It took 13 years of periodically asking for investigation and a further 2 years of pushing, chasing and insisting to finally get a diagnosis. You're naive to think it's a quick process for every condition. Also, my symptoms were the same before diagnosis so I was just as disabled as I am now. The label doesn't change how I feel day to day.