AIBU to be pissed off at sick colleague

[RoseElla]

This might sound bitchy, have name changed and will change some details so it’s not too outing to the person, as I’m just looking to vent and see if it’s reasonable as my other colleague is so OTT sympathetic to the point it winds me up.

colleague has been working at company about 18 months. Has had around 10 episodes of sickness with the last one being a week long. The company don’t seem to be following regular sickness rules (we go by scoring) and she is so far over the threshold it’s unbelievable. She has said it’s all for the same stomach issue and it’s under investigation and our manager has basically told HR they don’t ever need to flag it.

im just shocked tbh never have I had an employer be so unbothered. In my last jobs they would be trying to get her out and I get that sounds harsh but it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit, even doing some from home but it’s just nothing.

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

With all due respect, your managers’ inability to deal with it properly is hardly the fault of the colleague who is ill.

It can take years to get a proper diagnosis. Their needs (it's not the name but the needs arising from the condition) are still just as valid as if they were diagnosed.

Sounds like it is a chronic condition - probably undiagnosed if they are still investigating. I'm sure it is hard for you when she is off, but it must be much harder for her to be suffering from it.

If I were you, I'd try to be kind and understanding, like your bosses. We never know what is around the corner. It is possible you could become unwell and need several periods of time off work in the future.

Sick/disabled people really can't win. If they don't work (because they know their condition/s might make them less consistent or reliable) they're accused of being shirkers, scroungers, benefit dependents, lazy, entitled, etc. Then if they do work, they're scrutinized and criticised for not being able to have the same level of consistency and attendance as their colleagues.

OP, the fact is you have absolutely no idea what is going on with your colleague. Stick to what you can control, which is your workload and how you personally are coping. If things are getting too much for you in terms of workload, speak to your manager. It's nothing to do with your sick colleague, who is just trying to earn a living as best she can like everyone else.

This is where the real issues arise for disabled/sick people in our society. Not by abject and one off instances of ableism, but by the general, low-level suspicion and resentment we face from colleagues and peers for simply not being able to perform to a high enough standard, and for not being constantly willing to explain ourselves satisfactorily to everyone.

As others have said, it’s likely this would be classed as a disability under the Equality Act regardless of any diagnosis or not because it is affecting her day to day life over a long period of time. Your employer actually sounds very supportive, and rightly so because they need to very careful in how they treat people regardless of their “policy” in order to avoid being sued. I hope you never get unwell and need significant time off!

Whether or not your colleague is ill and her time off work etc is not your issue.

It's a management issue and if you have problems with your workload then you need to address that directly with your manager rather than directing your frustration at your colleague.

Tbh I'd be glad that I'm working in an environment that isn't so quick to oust someone for poor health because none of us know what's round the corner.

I'd keep a record of all the tasks/projects etc you have going on at the moment and see what you can delegate/ take to your manager for review. I'd try to go to them with a solution in how your time could be managed if possible.

YABU. Keep your nose out of your colleagues' business and get on with your own work.🙄

You are being totally unreasonable.

Your manager has told you that your workload isn’t excessive, so why are you struggling? Do you need more training? If it really is too much, lodge a grievance about your workload, but keep your mouth shut about your poor colleague.

She’s not being blasted for asking the question, she’s being blasted for blaming the colleague who’s off sick for the extra work load instead of addressing it with hr manager. And for the ableist attitude in her post.

You have no real idea of what the colleague's medical issue is and you are absolutely being unreasonable. It's none of your business. In fact, I'd say you are lucky to be working for an employer that seems to be good about making allowances for people who have medical problems, chronic conditions or disabilities. You may be grateful for this yourself if you ever become ill or disabled.

OP I had a long time off work while I was having treatment for cancer (and some short periods of absence once I was back for further treatment). I believe I developed cancer due to a long period of intense stress caused by covering multiple other colleagues who exploited poor management and a generous sick leave entitlement (for example being off every school holiday). So I’ve experienced this problem from both sides. Sadly people do take the mick and it spoils it when people are genuinely ill. However, you can only look after yourself - please take previous posters advice and tell your manager if you can’t fulfil the role xx

YABU

You’ve updated to say your workload isn’t too high for 1. Obviously keep an eye on it and refer to management of need be eg what will happen cover wise if you go on holiday.
As for the rest that’s not something to involve self with.
I’d have empathy and concern for your colleague. It’s awful having a condition and tests and no diagnosis.
l had a serious very rare condition for years. Repeated surgeries. Little compassion from work. A colleague got breast cancer picked up very early - minor op all ok. Work sent flowers, no moaning re time off total contrast.
Life isn’t straightforward feel ill, diagnosis and cured. Lots of people live and work with debilitating and chronic conditions.

Not at all - it's Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hypermobile sub-type).

I had no idea what was wrong with me until I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Through that, I discovered that hEDS is really common in autistic people. The private rheumatologist confirmed I'm hypermobile but said it sounded like I have POTS as well, so recommended I see a cardiologist. Manyyyy months later I did and was diagnosed with POTS, which also goes hand in hand with hEDS.

I went back to my GP with pages of evidence and the hEDS diagnostic checklist. It turns out I met the criteria for diagnosis but the private rheumatologist hadn't checked several things (e.g. on the list is a marker found on the feet but he didn't ask me to take off my socks - I have that marker)

Very wise words, @tattygrl.

It can take so long to get a diagnosis. I have other health issues but my most recent one seems to be endometriosis
I had pain for ages then got a scan, which is showing loads of chocolate cysts of large sizes
In between the scan and referral call I've had 2 periods which have both left me unable to work as I was screaming in pain

I got a referral call this week. For my local hospital.. it would be March. Luckily I can travel so I've taken an appointment for October but that's still just an appointment and not treatment. So every period it's looking like I will be off sick

your work load is a manager issue not a colleague issue sort directly without calling colleague into it if you can - if you are only one carrying the load perhaps push some of the work up if you can

If it was actually the way that poster has framed it, it would be utterly ridiculous,I agree. But thankfully there are caveats. According to the Act, if you don't have a formal diagnosis, you still need medical evidence to show your impairment has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on your ability to do day-to-day activities. Your impairment doesn't have to stop you doing anything, as long as it makes it harder. You can’t just rock up to your employer and demand to be treated as disabled. And under the terms of the Act an employer can refuse to make reasonable adjustment without medical evidence to support the request.

The woman is obviously unwell and having you bitching and moaning about her isn't going to magically make her appear at her desk more often.

If your workload increases substantially whilst she is off, then that's an issue for you to take up with your manager or HR, and definitely not to blame her for. Genuine question...when you've approached someone about this, are you putting an emphasis on "because she's off sick so much, my workload is too much"? If so, your employers may perceive you as troublesome and bitchy., rather than genuinely feeling overstretched.

In the meantime, it's horrible feeling ill constantly, and I mean REALLY debilitating, particularly if she doesn't know what the underlying cause is. Try and have a little more empathy for her, OP.

YABU. HR are following a different policy to the usual coughs/colds/tummy bug, because it's a repeat issue that's being investigated. And surely you don't know if it's actually resulted in a diagnosis yet, as you won't be, and shouldn't be, privy to that information, it's non of your business. How would you feel if you were undergoing investigation for something that is debilitating, and could be serious, only for colleagues to be critical behind your back? Sometimes it takes a long time to get a diagnosis (are you familiar with the NHS?!), and that can't be pleasant for your colleague. Be supportive and kind, if you have it in you, and you're not just a selfish arse. Not everyone is on the take all the time, put yourself in your colleagues position and behave accordingly. You might be grateful for their kindness one day if ever you're in the same position.

It is absolutely none of your business. None, whatsoever. And it will not look good on you professionally to keep whinging about something that is nothing to do with you. Drop it and focus on your own job.

This.

Your colleague being off ill is a separate matter from you not coping with by our workload. They are two different matters.

You need to discuss your issues with your manager without bringing your colleague into the conversation . Ask if the other teams who have capacity could take some work off you etc. make the conversation about your workload be about you and how they can support you rather than blaming it on an ill colleague.

Right, you need to gather your own time sheet data then over next 4-6 /8weeks. record everything you do including breaks. State what the task is. Who’s it for, how long it took. Do this for each day. Include everything even photocopying etc, or time walking round a very large site . Don’t do it at end of week as you’ll forget stuff- ideally have a form and fill it in as you go each day as you switch form each task.it’s a pain, it you MUST gather the data

Then check your contract and job description and ensure all those tasks are included in your duties. Also check your contract around paid overtime vs you’re expected to work to complete work irrespective of reasonable additional hours as you are salaried at a senior enough level for this to be included in base pay (a LOT of professionals have this- paid for the work not the hours, and contracted hours are a minimum)

then add up hours each week and plot that on a little chart of total hours by week . If you’re handy with spreadsheets you could sub-divide hours into your main roles so you can see high level areas you spend your time on.

look at 3 things

1. the average hours you work- if it’s minutes over your paid basic time then you have no real grounds
2. if it averages out to a reasonable amount of normal hours, but big increases when colleague is off sick- then you need to give data to manager. This is evidence that, yes, colleague absence is impacting your work load directly.
3. if it’s constantly above your contracted hours- there’s a bigger issue anyway and it’s not all down to sick colleague . So yes you should raise it, but defiantly don’t go in with “it’s because of sick colleague “

do not falsify data- there’s a chance they’ll formalise time sheet for period to replicate data, and then you’ll be exposed. You may be surprised in the reall results as to where the actual issue is. Look for patterns in the variation of hours worked and try to think of why those patterns may occur e.g. month end processing etc.

Send to your manager, with a “I’ve been collecting data on what I’m doing, and will arrange a meeting to discuss. Please see attached”

have a meeting a week later (you organise- if they refuse keep documentation to see that and escalte)
in meeting review data togther so all on same page and come back with proposal on how to manage these additional hours. State clearly that you will either accept overtime payment or time in lieu ( if you will) or that you won’t work more than you contracted hours and which tasks do they want you to stop. Be very assertive: say again and again” I cannot manage all these tasks I have recorded I’m doing in these periods , within in my contracted hours- which tasks do you want me to stop?”. It is your managers job to decide what objectives you will miss and to put that in writing, so it doesn’t come back to you as poor performance. If they don’t put in writing, you must do that clearly stating what was agreed and send to him, and HR person or person responsible for HR/health and safety in the company.

When you talk to your manager use “I” statements “I cannot manage the workload that is being assigned to me “ and NOT “you” statements . Pitch it clearly as you asking him to sort out your issue - “I can’t get through the work and feeling stressed that it won’t get done, please help me by telling me me what you want me to stop “ . That will help prevent them getting defensive . Do not mention your colleauge unless boss raises it as a question, and if so remain neutral and uncritical. Do not in any circumstances blame the colleague - this is a management issue

if after you’ve had that conversation, documented and sent to everyone, and nothing happens then escalate. First to HR person. If that fails then as a grievance. Read ACAS site on legal rules around grievance- they have to respond and certain other things they have to do by law. It don’t go down direivance route till you’ve tried to resolve with management first.

Don’t know where to start with this. From what the OP has said it sounds as though her colleague has a disability which qualifies for protection under the Equality Act 2010. This means that her disability is considered as ‘protected characteristics’ under the Act and they exist from day one - length of service is immaterial. So no, they can’t just get rid of her - she will most certainly have comeback and she will sue them for unfair dismissal on the grounds of disability discrimination.

And everyone has to cover for things like sickness and maternity (also a protected characteristic) from time to time. If the workload is too much, that’s what managers are paid to sort out. It’s not the fault of the person who’s sick or disabled.