Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at sick colleague

262 replies

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:31

This might sound bitchy, have name changed and will change some details so it’s not too outing to the person, as I’m just looking to vent and see if it’s reasonable as my other colleague is so OTT sympathetic to the point it winds me up.

colleague has been working at company about 18 months. Has had around 10 episodes of sickness with the last one being a week long. The company don’t seem to be following regular sickness rules (we go by scoring) and she is so far over the threshold it’s unbelievable. She has said it’s all for the same stomach issue and it’s under investigation and our manager has basically told HR they don’t ever need to flag it.

im just shocked tbh never have I had an employer be so unbothered. In my last jobs they would be trying to get her out and I get that sounds harsh but it affects every one, especially me. We are in an office role so we are sitting down all day I’m sure there could be some adjustments made just so the workload is taken off me a bit, even doing some from home but it’s just nothing.

AIBU to think 10+ episodes is silly in 18 months? Or at least silly for a company to still entertain it?

OP posts:
Icannoteven · 10/08/2023 13:52

So you think that people with chronic illnesses or disabilities should not be allowed to work? Because that is what you are advocating.

I read the other day that thirty percent of working age people have a long term illness or disability. Employees are going to need to find solutions and be flexible I’m afraid.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 10/08/2023 13:56

This sounds very much like

'Waaaah life's not fair, other people get an easy ride and I want one too'

Your manager is managing it. HR are liasing and the work is being done.
By your own admission it is manageable therefore the only thing left is You don't like it because you want an easier life.
Sometimes you all have to pull together and this lady doesn't want to be chronically unwell.

That said if things change and the workload IS too much speak to your manager and let THEM manage it. It's in the name!

daliesque · 10/08/2023 13:58

I sympathise. We hired someone recently who claims to have ME. She made a point of telling everyone and saying that she had to self diagnose because of medical gaslighting blah, blah, blah.

She was hired to do a specific project and was given as much flexibility re working hours, working from home etc that she needed.

In the last two months she has worked precisely two days. The rest of the time was either sick leave or annual leave that she demanded for childcare purposes but hadn't disclosed at interview (it's a standard question - have you any leave booked and if she'd said yes we would have accommodated it and taken it into consideration with timelines etc.).

She has now handed in her notice and we are all cheering.

lanthanum · 10/08/2023 13:59

Her sickness is none of your business, and they would not be allowed to discuss it with you even if they wanted to.

If your workload is unmanageable, you bring that up, without reference to your colleague. Ideally, be very specific, eg "I can't manage all these tasks by the given deadline; can one be given to someone else, or one of the deadlines moved?"

Apart from that, you just get on with your work, enjoying your good health.

PodgePie · 10/08/2023 14:01

It can take years to get a diagnosis for Crohn’s. If it is something like that then it’s great your employer is supporting her because it’s an incredibly debilitating, untreatable illness. Rather than blame her for what it sounds like is a really difficult (and possibly embarrassing, painful) problem, why don’t you ask for more support in your role?

Windowcleaning · 10/08/2023 14:03

You need to focus on your workload in discussions with your manager.

Is it too much for one person? Show her/him. List out what you have to do and how long each thing takes and show that it takes over the number of hours that you are contracted. Or as pp says above, if you have three tasks due by the end of the day and only time to do two, ask that another task be allocated to someone else.

It might be in this process you discover that there are ways you could do your work more efficiently

roses321 · 10/08/2023 14:03

Y'know... there is no need to blast OP on this ffs. Can we just not? She's asked a question here, so ffs at least give the answer with a modicum of decorum instead of being a bunch of bitches.

MikeRafone · 10/08/2023 14:04

sounds like its your manager that is your problem not arranging the work load or getting in cover

slore · 10/08/2023 14:05

You don't know this woman's health issues, but her employers do. It's between her and them.

You're not entitled to know or judge.

Hufflepods · 10/08/2023 14:06

roses321 · 10/08/2023 14:03

Y'know... there is no need to blast OP on this ffs. Can we just not? She's asked a question here, so ffs at least give the answer with a modicum of decorum instead of being a bunch of bitches.

The irony.

BlackOps · 10/08/2023 14:08

Because legally you don’t need a diagnosis to be protected by the disability discrimination provisions in the equality act.

How utterly ridiculous - self-identifying into disability is as fucking annoying as all other self-identifers

Viviennemary · 10/08/2023 14:09

They should just get rid of her She will most likely have no come back as she has been there less than two years. If this continues you will end up ill yourself. So either take sick leave or look for a new job where you are not expected to carry people.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/08/2023 14:09

@RoseElla - if you ever get a chronic illness, or one that drags on and on for ages before you get a diagnosis, you will be glad you work for an understanding employer.

As previous posters have said, you need to focus on getting your managers to give you the help you need, to cover this person’s illness absences, rather than blaming your colleague for something they have zero control over.

@MillWood85 - are you saying you would prefer to be tough on someone with a genuine illness so your other staff don’t complain? Would you manage out - aka bully - someone with a chronic illness? You say you’d want your other staff to see you were dealing with the situation - couldn’t you do that by helping them manage the extra workload instead of being harsh towards someone who doesn’t deserve it

Dinopawus · 10/08/2023 14:09

Is this a reverse? Surely mature employees understand that other people's sickness is a) confidential and b) may be covered by legislation and good HR policies.

MrsPinkCock · 10/08/2023 14:10

BlackOps · 10/08/2023 14:08

Because legally you don’t need a diagnosis to be protected by the disability discrimination provisions in the equality act.

How utterly ridiculous - self-identifying into disability is as fucking annoying as all other self-identifers

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with self identifying.

It has everything to do with whether you meet the legal definition of a disabled person.

Hufflepods · 10/08/2023 14:11

Viviennemary · 10/08/2023 14:09

They should just get rid of her She will most likely have no come back as she has been there less than two years. If this continues you will end up ill yourself. So either take sick leave or look for a new job where you are not expected to carry people.

If what continues?? Working a normal workload for one person in OP's role?

andthat · 10/08/2023 14:12

@RoseElla Your frustration is mid-directed. Your issue isn’t with your colleague, it’s with your manager who seems not to give a shit that your workload is unmanageable.

Call a meeting with HR and your manager and have it on the record that you need support with workload management.

CruCru · 10/08/2023 14:12

I wonder if the other posters on here have ever had a colleague have a lot of time off for an undisclosed reason. I have … and it was awful. I ended up doing her work and my own.

When it is poorly managed (and it usually is - it’s easy to tell your staff that they will just have to cope), it affects staff morale.

I remember telling my manager that the problem with him saying “well, we’ll all just have to step up and pull together” was that this effectively translated into “Cru, you’ll just do everything, won’t you? Ta”.

roses321 · 10/08/2023 14:13

Hufflepods · 10/08/2023 14:06

The irony.

Show quote history

not really... i'm well aware of my grumpiness because why should asking a question result in such nasty responses.

DiddlyDonut · 10/08/2023 14:13

YABU

HR are aware. I'm sure you're colleague would rather not be unwell so frequently too.

ASGIRC · 10/08/2023 14:15

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:34

Why would it be if there is no diagnosis and just an ongoing issue that’s being investigated? I feel for her but there’s sick policies for a reason even if sicknesses are completely legit and it’s just affecting the company and work load of others

YOU dont have to know if there is a diagnosis or not. Your colleague might not be sharing things with you, because its none of your business.

Im not sure why you want your colleague to get in trouble for being ILL!

I hope it never happens to you and you are not fired if you get ill for an extended period of time... SMH...

Rosscameasdoody · 10/08/2023 14:16

RoseElla · 10/08/2023 12:34

Why would it be if there is no diagnosis and just an ongoing issue that’s being investigated? I feel for her but there’s sick policies for a reason even if sicknesses are completely legit and it’s just affecting the company and work load of others

What you know as a colleague and what HR know about any disability are two different things and you have no right to full disclosure. And just because there are ongoing investigations doesn’t mean there is no diagnosis.

It sounds as though it’s being treated as a disability or health condition under the Equality Act 2010. Employees with qualifying conditions or disabilities have protected rights under the Act from day one of employment, so length of service is irrelevant, and they can’t just ‘get her out’ - they have to make reasonable adjustments to see if the condition can be managed at work. And time off due to the condition is treated differently - it’s not counted towards normal sick leave totals, so not flagging it up sounds about right.

It sounds like Crohns, which is a horrible and unpredictable condition, and I doubt there is any suggestion of her playing the system, because to be counted as disability leave and not sick leave, sick notes would have to reflect that.

PumpkinPie2016 · 10/08/2023 14:18

Sorry but you are being unreasonable. Regardless of what your colleague is saying, you really don't know the full story.

I have managed two people with significant health conditions - the rest of the team may have thought they knew the full story but they didn't.

One had colitis and sometimes had very bad flare ups, meaning she could not come in and teach. It really was a case of her pretty much sitting in her bathroom all day some days.

The other had a period of about 6 months suffering with mental health issues caused by significant trauma. He was in whenever he could be, but there were days when he couldn't manage it. No one except me, the headteacher and HR knew the reason why he was struggling and there is no way he would have shared details with anyone else, and that was entirely his right. Thankfully, with a lot of support, he became much better and is a very valued part of the team who no longer has absences.

If your workload becomes genuinely unmanageable, you need to go back to your manager or HR and discuss it again.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/08/2023 14:19

YABU. Her sickness absence is not your concern. And you have said yourself that the workload is manageable for you, so I'm not really sure what you're complaining about? That you want her to work through her illness so that you can sit around twiddling your thumbs?

You are not party to the conversations that may have taken place between this woman and your employer, so you have no means of knowing why they are handling it as they are, and no need to know this either.

If your own workload gets too much, then raise it with your line manager, but until that point, keep your beak out of other people's business.