Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

So sorry. Dementia is such a cruel disease. Watching my mum disappear incrementally broke my heart.

I think the people bitter about others inheriting are being massive hypocrites personally. If they found out tomorrow, completely unexpectedly, that a distant aunt or whomever had left them 200k, are they saying they'd donate it all to charity then? seeing as its so morally unfair and against their strong ethical principles, surely thats the right thing to do.

Bollocks they would.

I agree but I am saying its not being acknowledged. Its all about money isnt it?

Yep, some people are definitely not acknowledging that inheritance is a privilege or this thread. I'm not sure why in a conversation about inheritance we should be talking about health privilege etc.

Well, the people on this thread for example. Several people are claiming they’re no better off at all even though they have in some cases 6 figure sums of money. It’s simply not true. All other things being equal, the person with a load of money is better off than the person without any.

I think the people bitter about others inheriting are being massive hypocrites personally. If they found out tomorrow, completely unexpectedly, that a distant aunt or whomever had left them 200k, are they saying they'd donate it all to charity then? seeing as its so morally unfair and against their strong ethical principles, surely thats the right thing to do.

Who is bitter though? My 6 fig inheritance helped me on the ladder, I can recognise that privilege that is the difference.

And it wasn't earned it came from huge house price inflation.

You can inherit and still be in that position. Inheritance can often take months, even years to come through. You don’t get the money instantly someone dies. So though there may be some mental relief knowing that in the future you won’t have to worry so much, those early days of grief can still be while trying to make sure that you can feed and house your children.

Those who have not inherited may not be "lucky" in that aspect but they may be massively lucky and privileged in many, many other ways

I would argue those who inherit are far more likely to be lucky in other areas of their lives too though as socioeconomic factors impact health, wealth, education etc.

Literally all the people saying inheritance isnt fair, its wrong, its giving people un-earned privilege etc- those people. Its interesting that its only wrong when they arent benefitting from it. If they really think its wrong and morally abhorrent then they'd give it to charity/someone more deserving of it.

@realitytransurfing I think you are struggling with your comprehension. Saying something is unfair, privilege, unearned doesn't equal bitter. Why would you think that?

Its interesting that its only wrong when they arent benefitting from it.

Myself & plenty of others have said we benefited from it but still recognise we are lucky/had that privilege?

Exactly this! ^ In my experience - and from people that I've seen and know - people who don't get inheritances are the ones that come from economically poor families. Families who don't have wealth and don't have land, and don't have assets. Not even a house. Many people who don't inherit come from parents who rented their home.

The ones who inherit, are the ones who come from quite wealthy families with assets, properties, money... I mean, it's pretty bloody obvious, really, isn't it?

For the record, I lost both my parents by the age of 30 and I got fuck-all inheritance. My husband lost both of his by the age of 27 and he got fuck-all inheritance too. We also got absolutely no parental help raising our children, (as we had no parents!) and no financial support or buffer, like our peers did.

I saw many of our peers handed 10s of 1000s of £££ of help from their parents, and them dropping the kids off at their parents for weekends and full weeks while they had a trip away or night out to themselves. Several of them got massive lump sums for house deposits, and yep, big fuck-off inheritances. We had no financial support and no emotional or moral support, no parents by 30, and fuck-all inheritance from anyone EVER.

So don't anyone try and tell me that people who lost a loved one and had a big inheritance are not more fortunate than me. Of COURSE it's shit to lose your loved one, but to lose them and then get half a million quid, leaves a less bitter taste in your mouth than losing them and getting jack-shit.

I am hiding this thread now because it's making me angry and upset, that someone sitting with a sum of money in the bank in the mid 6-figures, and who has been left property, is trying to tell me they are 'no more fortunate than me......'

Some people on here have accused those of NOT receiving any inheritances or financial help - ever - of being bitter and angry. Are you actually fucking surprised? It's the unfairness of it all. People being handed tons of money that they never earned, and getting break after break, whilst other don't have a pot to piss in.

Anyway I'm OUT. As I said, the thread has pissed me right off. Hiding the thread now.

We are on a thread started by a beneficiary who wants to challenge the view of inheritance as free money/a handout. People are pointing out why inheritance is indeed free money, and in some cases getting a little frustrated with those who refuse to see it as such, and who argue (entirely irrelevently) that someone (who isn't them) has worked for the money; and that being gifted it on that person's death, doesn't make them more fortunate than those who don't recieve an inheritance.
The acknowledgement of the comparative good fortune of beneficiaries, and of the unearned nature of the money is sought within the context of the discussion.

Can't agree with this tbh. People from poor families also lose loved ones and it's painful. And they don't get any inheritance. So inheritance is, of course, an unearned advantage and should be seen as such. No sense pussyfooting around it.

To be fair, some who do inherit do come from poor families.

My family came from very poor Eastend backgrounds - their "wealth" came from work, opportunities back in the day, and, yes, from house price increases.

So, it's a matter of luck, occupations, and house prices.

And, of course, whether they needed to pay for care, in later life.

Of course, I and my children, have benefitted from my inheritances, but having been unexpectedly widowed in April, I'm just not feeling the joy at the moment..🙄

Im still waiting for my compensation from the universe then.

I lost my Mum about 5 years ago. The inheritance has enabled me to buy a new house mortgage free, keep the old one and rent it out. I've not had to worry about mortgage rate rises, cost of living increases, and have two assets to my name for the future.

All of those thing objectively make me lucky in the current climate.

However, I also miss my Mum on a daily basis, so I am unlucky.

Neither statement is false, they're just looking at my situation in different ways.

It can come across as heartless when someone comments on an inheritance, but they generally don't mean it to. People naturally try to put a positive spin on things, to try and cheer people up. Sometimes it's I'll thought out, or they don't realise that having one thing precludes the other.

Do I want mum back, yes. Do I want to be struggling for money, no. The human brain can conceptualise a world where neither bad option happens. Unfortunately reality isn't so clever.

For those who asked about people wanting to spend my inheritance for me:

”John could do with a new van - you can let him have £30,000, can’t you?”

”Janet would really benefit from going to boarding school for secondary rather than the local comp - you’d like to see her do well, wouldn’t you?” (Janet is DBIL’s child from a one night stand, and while both of her parents are inadequate in their own way, this would be a marvellous solution to her interfering with their social lives. I also overheard Janet’s mother telling DMIL exactly what she and Janet thought of me and my family, so that would be a hard no.)

”Sarah’s not going to get a holiday this year - you could pay for her and the kids to go all inclusive to Lanzarote for a couple of weeks, couldn’t you?”

Someone else wanted a new car…

@Akiddleetivy2woodenchu I hope the answer to all of them was no?! What was their reaction?

Well said! I have young adult DD's and hope to be around for many years to come but if something was to happen to me they would inherit around £300k each, but they wouldn't have a mum of course - I know they want me more.

This.

We get side tracked, some may feel deliberately🤔, by politicians picking at debates about inheritance taxes, which often affect those not wealthy enough to avoid them, when in reality they are ignoring the large elephants in the room.

*thecatsthecats · Yesterday 14:47

What I think is skewiff is where people with no assets/low income are driven to hate those with some assets/decent income, whilst being led and exploited by those with enormous assets/insane income.

My birth family has enough assets so that the next generation can each buy a house, live comfortably and healthily without debt, and pass those assets on so that the next generation can buy a house, live comfortably and healthily without debt. All whilst still needing to work, getting a good education, and generally contributing to society. I don't think that that should be seen as problematic generational wealth, and I don't think that that is the cause of families who can't do that. Taking my family's (already taxed) assets doesn't remove any state dependents. We don't possess an unreasonable amount of wealth. Every family should be able to do what we do.

But big corporations, untaxed billionaires, slum housing providers, mass asset owners - they consume an unholy share of resources that they simply do not need.

And it's awfully convenient to point fingers at those who have enough, and get mad, leaving the polluting exploitative bastards who're really pulling the strings untouched.*

100%. Divide and conqueror the masses, so noone wins apart from those at the very top.

@M4J4 I just laughed. They have no idea how much I have been left (although they know a small house forms part of the estate), so really just being chancers. Re the van, I said “Oh I am sure he can get a bank loan.”

I know a few people who have inherited either life changing sums or had significant financial assistance early in life. I don't have issues with the money received, more the compete failure on their part to recognise the privileged position they find themselves in and the way they act as if it was down to their hard work.

It was all down to hard work, just not their’s.

Yes, you can usually rely on some of the relatives behaving like bees around a honey pot, if they think money's involved.🙄

The people whose first thought is to spend inherited money, demonstrate why they don't have their own money.