Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

Tbh i find it hard to scoff at the money doesn't buy you happiness thing, it always feels like something that doesnt know poverty would say...BUT i do agree with you that yes it doesnt buy you happiness, but being given a huge amount of money, especially half a mil like in the original post is a big big leg up. No it doesn't buy happiness but it absolutely is a HUGE advantage. 500k would buy a house right out in many areas. It would open up private therapy, support with childcare, of travel. There are so so many advantages in life to having money.

1. The thing is everyone's parents will die. Its sad but its going to happen to everyone. Were not talking about dead parents leaving money vs alive and supportive parents really we are talking about dead parents leaving in this case significant money and dead parents leaving someone with nothing.

I would argue that both parental support and money are advantages in life and one being preferable to someone doesn't negate the fact the other is also an advantage in life. Personally i dont have either. Its really insensitive to tell someone whose parents have just died that they were lucky to get money, but that doesn't change the fact then when the inevitable happened (because it happens to everyone), as incredibly sad that it is for most people, it is lucky that someone was given a lot of money vs not getting anything.

Excuse all the typos. Im tired and DD interrupted me twice 😂

This

@dramoy - So if you work hard all your life and are careful with your money do you think you should get to leave it to your children or would you rather just give it back to the government?!

It depends what your parents are like. In my case I would have rather lost my parents young and gained inheritance then endure the abuse and end up in poverty. It's probably hard for you to understand because you obviously had nice parents that you would prefer to keep over money.

@Happilyobtuse but you can leave up to 1m before your descendants pay tax. That's plenty in my view. And the vast majority haven't worked hard for that, it's driven by inflated house prices.
So much moralising with the "work hard", "save money". Plenty do this & wont have much of estate to leave for a number of reasons.

I am confused though, you mentioned someone in their 60s inheriting from their parents but would rather have their parents back. Presumably parents were in their 80s/90s so seems odd to use that as an example? Have I totally read your post wrong?

It is really sad when younger, DHs mum was in her 60s and she had just retired, and he totally would have taken her being around over inheritance. It was around £150k so not half a mil though.

Sorry missed this, for some reason when I selected show all OP posts it didn't show anything

YABU. The bereavement happens regardless. The money is a windfall. I find it a bit odd when people talk about inheritance being unfair just because you haven't earned it yourself. Providing for your children / family is surely a normal and reasonable thing to do, whether they get that benefit when you are still alive or not.

I can see your point but realistically inheriting money does make a difference and does make many things eg buying a house easier.

My friend inherited £120k from grandparents, she didn’t need to save for a House deposit.

Another friend was given £400k from her parents as an early inheritance so she didn’t need to get a mortgage!!

Both lump sums changed their lives.

I think there was a thread asking "is it possible to decline an inheritance"

whether it is possible or not, someone actually creating a thread about it, will I guarantee, already has a decent stash in the bank, or the inheritance is for £100 and they're virtue signallers just wanting to make the point on MN.

@dramoy - Well no one said one is not lucky to receive an inheritance how much ever it is. And yes it is just dependent on the family you were born into etc. but that is pretty much like everything else in life, like access to education, good health care, or physical attributes like looks etc. I am very grateful for my inheritance but I also know that I would rather have my parent back in a heartbeat. And ppl who are jealous about this would be jealous about everything. Life isn’t fair or the same for everyone and trying to make it so is almost impossible!

I agree. I don't have an issue with the fairness/unfairness. Life's not fair. But if you are fortunate enough to receive an inheritance then you are lucky.

Well no one said one is not lucky to receive an inheritance how much ever it is

have you even read the thread?!

I am very grateful for my inheritance but I also know that I would rather have my parent back in a heartbeat.

This sentiment is also shared by people who don't inherit..

And ppl who are jealous about this would be jealous about everything. Life isn’t fair or the same for everyone and trying to make it so is almost impossible!

Well at least you've acknowledged it's unfair & inheritance is a privilege so we agree!

I lost an uncle. We weren't particularly close, but I was one of the few relatives still standing.

Even after paying CGT, it was a life changing amount. It allowed for me to pay off my both of ACs mortgages - which has given them a massive leg up. I didn't feel particular grief, but I was very, very grateful to him.

Eight years afterwards, my Dad died, I was genuinely grief stricken, but recognised he was very elderly, and very unwell.

Again, another very large inheritance, from his house. With that money, I've paid for 3 grandchildren to go through Uni, with no debt at the end. Which should help them.

I also now have very healthy savings and investments.

From this I have a very comfortable lifestyle, which I freely acknowledge and am grateful for.

Having said all that, I lost my DH in April, and this has left me poleaxed. Again, I inherited some money, but also "survivors benefits" on his pensions.

I am grateful, for the first two inheritances, but I'd give up my healthy bank accounts if I could have a fit and happy DH back. But, I can't.

So, I do acknowledge that the money has enabled me to grieve without financial stress, arrange the funerals I wanted, and to look after my kids and grandkids.

Money doesn't buy happiness, I'm desperately unhappy at the moment, without DH - but it does take away the day to day strife of being short of money/poverty.

You’re moving the goalposts. You claimed initially that inheritance is money that has been taxed, generally in the uk at the present time it will be from huge increases in property prices. This is unearned income.

now you’re trying to claim this increase in value is something to do with maintenance or “wise choices”.

in reality it’s just inter generational privilege. Some of the wealthier older generation have made a fortune on rocketing asset prices and this will benefit their children too,

I think there was a thread asking "is it possible to decline an inheritance"

I just find it weird that so many find the inheritance painful but keep it. I was very grateful for mine!

Kindly, my parents also died in my early 30s, and me and my sister have no inheritance. It's not a race to the bottom - but everybody is nearly guaranteed to lose someone close to them in their lifetime, but not everyone inherits. So, some might call that luck. Morbidly so.

I would be happy to receive enough to pay for my DM funeral, but as it stands neither will have the money for this when the time comes. I will have to have her house cleared to boot. I miss her already money or no money. Sorry for everyone who has lost anybody.

It is absolutely a normal and reasonable thing to leave money to your kids. Equally it’s a normal and reasonable thing to give your children large amounts of money for housing or education etc if you can afford it. But equally it’s not fair that some people get nothing from parents and others get millions. But that’s life.

I inherited about 50k from my dad. It let me go part time earlier and I’ll retire earlier, and I’m v. grateful. DH will inherit about 750K from his mum. We are doing well financially, not mega wealthy, but comfortable with no debt or mortgage. The inheritance will let us have a holiday home if we want it (we don’t have children to leave it to) and we’ll leave our estate to a charity we both like to benefit others, and donate some of it to them whilst we are still living. Will I miss my mum in law when she passes? Surely I will. She is 90 and has had a rich and long life, free of health issues and long may that continue. Will I feel guilty about inheriting money? No. Do I know it gives me an advantage that others may see as unfair? Yes, and that compels me to give some of it away for the benefit of others, and I’m very grateful to be able to do that.

You do not inherit debt. It is repaid from the estate. If there is no estate it is not repaid. If the person who died had no money to pay for a funeral you can get help from the government. On the financial assessment bit it specifically tells you not to include your own money

A number of PPs are conflating what it means to inherit from parents who lived a long full life with what it means to inherit from someone you loved deeply who died prematurely. You are always luckier than someone in the same situation who did not inherit, but the two situations are very different. The second is much, much more difficult.

There is never any winner in this argument. Because inheritance, like with most things in life largely comes down to luck. Even if the parents you inherit from started with nothing and worked for every penny, there is still an element of luck when it comes to inheritance. How many siblings it is divided between? And how much is left when they die? Some end up spending so much on nursing home care in old age there is barely anything left at the end.

Life isn't fair and never will be. Why does a good person get cancer and die young whilst a paedophile never gets ill and lives to an old age.

Why does someone with little talent for music make it bigtime whilst the gifted musician never gets heard?

Why does someone win the lottery and waste it all away on nothing whilst the person who would have done much good with the money never won a penny.

It goes on and on. Life isn't fair. Inheritance doesn't always seem fair but it's only natural to want your children and grandchildren to benefit from anything you have.