To feel that parents with older children shouldn't be using parent and child car parks?

[mickitee]

Several times since having my baby, I've been to car parks where all the parent and child spaces were full, and then struggled with her pushchair in a regular car space only to look over and see a family with older children (8+) getting into a car in one of the parenting child spaces.

Am I wrong to feel that these parks are designed for families with babies and younger children using pushchairs, or who actually need what's the extra space to be able to get their child in and out safely without risking damage to cars around them. If your child is at an age and ability level where they are capable of getting in and out of the car safely by themselves, you don't need the space and are just making life more difficult for other parents.

So, AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

I think there are a lot of unknowns in terms of hidden disabilities with older children, so I wouldn't necessarily be angry about that.

What really boils my blood is middle aged men in sports cars using them. My routine is now to act shocked and frantic and tell them they've left the store without their baby.

Usually followed by them telling me to fuck off. Charming.

I'm not sure you mean SEN here?

If a young person no longer requires a car seat or booster AND is able to walk safely into the supermarket from a 'normal' space. Then yes. But I don't know how you police that. People with no kids park in them.

Don’t you remember being that mum wrestling with a buggy or car seat. What happened to solidarity and helping other women out.

Exactly.

It's easy to forget - gosh, I know I have forgotten lots.

But daily I see a harassed mum with a squalling baby, a big buggy, a tantrumming toddler & I remember how hard it was & how those days could reduce me to tears.

I take on board all the points re SN / additional and invisible disabilities and agree it's no-one's place to judge.

But if you don't need it, why use it and potentially make it harder for others?

Tbf it was a lot easier to get my child into the car as a baby than as an eleven year old, due to both his and my disability.

I have a robust 6 year old who is mentally 18 months. He has a genetic disorder, ASD, and ADHD amongst other things. We have a disabled parking pass and use it because we need it. We leave the mother & child spots open for people who need them. Even though those spots are a courtesy and not enforced by law, I absolutely agree that they are attending for families with young children who need that extra space.
YANBU.

My eldest son has previously rushed up to such a person and said " you've left your baby in the car!" Very loudly.
And left them to it. Much embarrassment.
(He's thick skinned so the F offs don't worry him!)

What age is he and why do you let him do that?

Something like that happening to me in the beginning of my disability journey had me in tears (thank you Tesco customer services, who were fantastic).

My local Lidl have P and c right next to the door and disabled spaces across the road. Are you seriously saying in a situation like that you wouldn’t use P and c? Because when Ds who is a blue badge holder is with me too right I do.

or when a place has no disabled spaces left you would use a normal space instead of p and c?

Exactly. My son has a BB but our local Sainsburys P and C spaces are safer as they don’t require any road crossing to get to the shop. I very very rarely take him to any shops with me as 90% it triggers a meltdown. When I do, it’s ‘park safest not most entitled’. My eldest has ASD and adhd, he doesn’t have a BB and I’ll be damn well parking in a P and C space until I absolutely cannot get away with it anymore. But quite frankly I rarely gave a shit about them before my kids addition needs became evident. There are many people with disabilities or may be carrying passengers with short term injuries such as a broken leg who aren’t entitled to a BB but need the space for that day. It’s a minor inconvenience for most not being able to get a p and c space.

Why not get a delivery if walking is problematic?

I get a delivery for most of my shopping. But ds (14 and a blue badge holder) needs to learn some of the basic life skills at some point so I do try to take him shopping for a few bits when it works well.

Now you are being ridiculous.

4 year olds do not have the physical dexterity or control to reliably open a heavy (for them) car door without knocking it into an adjacent car unless it is at least a door's width away. They don't have the spatial awareness to judge how far away the adjacent car is and to be able to judge how far they can safely open their door.
They are still learning and someone else's car is not an educational tool.

This applies to 7 year olds too, although to a lesser extent.

Whatever though, it is never babying a child to keep your expectations in line with their abilities and not set them up to fail.

Same for me - sort of - in that I wfh and I get grocery deliveries but it's good for me to get out sometimes or I feel like I'm losing my skill for going out and being out of the house.

I have older children but I do have many children. Therefore I have a bigger car which I like to park on the big p&c parking spots.
My children can walk just fine, so we wouldn't have to park close by the store. We just need the extra room for the big car which we wouldn't own except we are a large family.
So my teenage children and the need for our big car are in fact the reason why I choose p&c. In my opinion that reason is just as valid (because child related) as needing the extra space for a pram.

Because I can. And it's easier..
It's literally that simple.

It's jto a charity. It's first there and is within the rules gets it. End of.

A delivery for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread?

I know that in the perfect world I should be meal planning and batch cooking and have gold standard stock control in my larder cupboard so that I never need to pop into the shop, but in the real world that doesn't always happen. Didn't happen before I had an autistic child, definitely doesn't happen now.

Also, even though supermarkets are hard work for her, she needs to learn to use them at some point. Autistic people living independently run out of groceries sometimes too 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dad used to use them when he took his mum to the supermarket. His reason was that his parent was with her child, and as she had mobility issues but wasn't disabled (just old age and bad knees!) the extra space helped in getting her in and out the car.

I’m not minimising ADHD, but if you’re concerned about them throwing the doors open, couldn’t you just stick child lock on?

I’ve got a family member with autism and ADHD and that’s what they ask us to do when we take them out 🤷‍♀️.

OP, some people will need them. Others are just using them because they technically can (and some, like my in-laws use them with their 18 year old because they are ‘still their child’ 🙄). The problem is, you’ve got no way of knowing who has a valid reason and no way of policing it anyway. I agree that it’s annoying when you’re juggling a pram, but it’s easier just to assume everyone has a good reason.

What a selfish inconsiderate person you are. And modelling that stinking attitude to your children too. Shameful.

I definitely wouldn't begrudge this. My mum struggles to get in and out cars as she has bad knees. It is not as easy as people think to get a disabled badge so these spaces give a lot of independance for many

I have a slipped disk. 0 guilt using them with my 6 year old in tow.

This has given me such a chuckle. This thread is peak MN ridiculousness

It's for up to 12s. So who are you to tell anyone who falls into that category they can't use something that's designed for us?

Seriously go find a grip.

Given that there are usually triple the number of disabled spaces to p&c places you are more likely to be able to get a disabled one.

I hate P&C spaces - all they do is wind up parents who like to think that having a child is the same as having a disability.

I’d get rid of most of them and stick the rest at the back. Then increase the number of BB spaces and spaces for disabled people including parents of disabled kids.