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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that parents with older children shouldn't be using parent and child car parks?

329 replies

mickitee · 08/08/2023 12:33

Several times since having my baby, I've been to car parks where all the parent and child spaces were full, and then struggled with her pushchair in a regular car space only to look over and see a family with older children (8+) getting into a car in one of the parenting child spaces.

Am I wrong to feel that these parks are designed for families with babies and younger children using pushchairs, or who actually need what's the extra space to be able to get their child in and out safely without risking damage to cars around them. If your child is at an age and ability level where they are capable of getting in and out of the car safely by themselves, you don't need the space and are just making life more difficult for other parents.

So, AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

OP posts:
Shopper727 · 08/08/2023 13:06

I use them if I’m with my 12 year old with asd. He has a tendency to run off or be a bit crazy so being near the door helps so I can get him back in to the car to put shopping away avoiding walking across the the carpark. Although we tend to go at very quiet times as he enjoys coming he doesn’t like it busy and also likes to push the trolley. I also used them when he and his brother were babies as I had 2 non walkers aged under 2 so needed both sides of my car to open to get into car seats. However if it was busy they were safe in the trolley I’d just walk to the far end being close to the shop wasn’t a priority just the extra space. But it doesn’t say parents with older children can’t use them, you’re being a bit unreasonable

RedRobyn2021 · 08/08/2023 13:08

I would be inclined to agree with you tbh.

Sometimes I feel bad using them and my DD is only 2yo

When she was a little baby, it would have made a bigger difference but I always seemed to miss out, but also I had my shop delivered every week to make things easier, I sometimes think about parents with two young children and those big SUVs, trying to get a baby and toddler across a car park to the shop..

RedRobyn2021 · 08/08/2023 13:09

Also the family spaces usually have room to get a pushchair/pram out... it's not fun getting that out with a tiny baby and no room and cars whipping past round the car park

Summerishere123 · 08/08/2023 13:10

It isn't that simple though. I have a child with a global delay. You wouldn't know from looking at her that she has the mental age of a 5 year old and absolutely no common sense!
I had an autistic teenager swing her door open into the side of my car. Her mum was apologetic but said her daughter didn't understand and she cannot park in P+C spaces to eliminate this risk.
I think they just need to get rid of them and make all spaces a little bigger.

RedRobyn2021 · 08/08/2023 13:10

Tbh I've seen people using them who have no kids, those people suck

mintich · 08/08/2023 13:13

Agreed, if I have my 6 and 4 year old, I don't park in them because they can get out of the car easily. But if i have my 2 year old then I use them. However if your child needs help getting out of the car then use them.

redskytwonight · 08/08/2023 13:13

In the UK, by default, disabled people have first dibs on EVERY parking space - P&C included. But I actually think ablebbodied parents with babies shouldn’t need them because you can lift a baby (or two) and carry them safely into the car. It’s more for ND kids or toddlers who walk but might not have the ability to sense danger (or do as they’re told).

Unfortunately this is not the case. There are plenty of disabled people who are not "disabled enough" to qualify for a blue badge, but have more need of the space than an able bodied adult with a baby.

yellowbadgeblue · 08/08/2023 13:14

I used to use them with no kids with me.

But I've got a blue badge now so I'm officially a cripple Hmm so I use the disabled spaces. But if the disabled spaces are full I still use them.

Dupdupdup · 08/08/2023 13:14

I feel like they should be badged like a blue badge - so only those with badges and a specific need can park in them. The specific need could cover those who need wider access in various forms. You apply and pay for it (concessions for those who need it) and provide justification as to why you need them.

And they could go at the back of the store - which stops Steve in his super expensive Jag/Bentley parking in them because he's worried someone will ding his car but too lazy to walk from the back of the car park (which is what really riles me up when i'm struggling to get my kicking and screaming toddler into a car seat with about an inch gap in a usual space).

GameOverBoys · 08/08/2023 13:16

A 6 year old is still vulnerable to traffic and may still need extra room to get out without causing damage. However, I do think once they are out of car seats that’s probably the cut off.

Happyandyoudontknowit · 08/08/2023 13:19

I agree. Obviously there are exceptions for children with ASD or hidden disabilities but the majority are unreasonable. I don’t even use them with my toddler (almost 2) my cars small and have no issues getting her in and out so I don’t like to take the space up

yellowbadgeblue · 08/08/2023 13:21

How do you know people have hidden disabilities?

CandyflossKaren · 08/08/2023 13:23

Yabu

And coming across as entitled!

Freepo · 08/08/2023 13:26

If a child has additional needs which mean they need the extra space then that is of course fine - even if the child is above 12.

But come on, a NT 11 year old does not need a parent and child space.

Spacie · 08/08/2023 13:29

my nearest Morrisons has Parent and Toddler spaces

yellowbadgeblue · 08/08/2023 13:33

@Freepo I'm not 12, I'm many many years older than 12.

I use them because if the disabled spaces are full, I need to, or I have to go home because I can't exit and enter my car.

How would you propose to police my using of them?

I used them before I got my blue badge, because I couldn't use disabled spaces in the council car park without a blue badge, but I could use parent and child spaces, as a reasonable adjustment.

I even went to the bother of checking with the council and the two supermarkets in my town that it was ok for me to use the parent and child spaces.

I've a blue badge now, so I assume anyone seeing me in a parent and child space would assume I'm allowed by virtue of the blue badge? But not all disabled people have BBs.

WornOutAndWorried · 08/08/2023 13:42

Dupdupdup · 08/08/2023 13:14

I feel like they should be badged like a blue badge - so only those with badges and a specific need can park in them. The specific need could cover those who need wider access in various forms. You apply and pay for it (concessions for those who need it) and provide justification as to why you need them.

And they could go at the back of the store - which stops Steve in his super expensive Jag/Bentley parking in them because he's worried someone will ding his car but too lazy to walk from the back of the car park (which is what really riles me up when i'm struggling to get my kicking and screaming toddler into a car seat with about an inch gap in a usual space).

Do you have any clue how many extra bits of paperwork are involved for parents of children with additional needs already? I spend on average 5-10 hours per month on this stuff. (Not including actual medical appointments etc). Both my children would not usually 'look' disabled. Neither of them would qualify for a blue badge. But in you immense wisdom you want to add to my admin burden and charge for the privilege.

FWIW, we don't often use P&C spaces. But when one of my children is recovering from an episode that means it's safer and better for them to use a larger space/shorter walk to the shop etc then I do.

Perhaps it's best to walk a mile in others' shoes before deciding that they should pay/take on a higher admin burden just because you're occasionally pissed off by someone else being inconsiderate. Because believe me, your attitude is a LOT worse and more ableist than the arsehole who doesn't think.

DinoRoar14 · 08/08/2023 13:43

Freepo · 08/08/2023 13:26

If a child has additional needs which mean they need the extra space then that is of course fine - even if the child is above 12.

But come on, a NT 11 year old does not need a parent and child space.

Doesn't matter if they need it. It's a marketing ploy. And one that's not policed. So anyone is free to use it the way it was intended

yellowbadgeblue · 08/08/2023 13:45

Also. I sometimes borrow DP's car and he has a "nice" car. Mine is nice, but his is a very expensive brand.

Woe betide anyone who dared tackle me for parking it in a parent and child space if I'd forgotten my BB.

Plumbear2 · 08/08/2023 13:45

There are many reasons why people use them. Children,teenagers,adults with autism/other disabilitys that are not obvious to you but very much need the extra space ( more so than a tiny baby) have you ever tried getting a teenager with zero sense of danger and a flight risk out of the car? I have I can assure you it's at least 100 times harder than getting an immobile baby out the car. These should advistised for use of anyone who needs extra space

Biker47 · 08/08/2023 13:45

Am I wrong to feel that these parks are designed for families with babies and younger children using pushchairs, or who actually need what's the extra space to be able to get their child in and out safely without risking damage to cars around them.

They're designed to be marketing gimmicks for supermarkets, that's all.

yellowbadgeblue · 08/08/2023 13:47

Your baby won't always be a baby.

I will always be disabled, and in actual fact I'm getting worse.

What would you do if there weren't parent and child spaces? I have to go home as i can't get out of the car unless the space is wide enough to open the door fully.

FluffyDiplodocus · 08/08/2023 13:50

YABU, I used one this morning at the supermarket with my kids because my son is autistic, the car park was busy, and all the disabled spaces (we have a blue badge) were occupied. At some stage I just know I’m going to get a comment from
someone!

CuntRYMusicStar · 08/08/2023 13:51

I tend to assume everyone has a valid reason for using whatever space they're parked in - I'm not a traffic warden.

It makes everything much less stressful when I'm not worrying about what everyone else is doing. When my dc where small, if I couldn't lift the car seat then I would lift them out and put them in the pushchair at the back of the car. Ds is a bolter with adhd so I still use the p&c spaces if he is having a scatty day - he is 8. If everything is under control then I won't. But I certainly don't walk past other cars huffing and tutting - I can't be bothered to waste the energy.

RedRosette2023 · 08/08/2023 13:54

I think it’s less about worrying about what everyone else is doing and more about the spaces being available to those in the greatest need.

If everyone is entitled to use them because they want they won’t be available to those they were intended for.

I find I very rarely manage to get one. Not an issue with one child but now I have two at nursery it can be a pain. The eldest can climb through from one side.

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