to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

If she’s talking about my comment, no it definitely wasn’t !!

It's nothing to do with her being a woman and everything to do with being a decent person.

Thankyou xx

I’ll ask you the question none of the OP bashers want to answer. Do you think the OP’s child goes on every single outing the SCs mother takes her children on ? After all they’re siblings aren’t they, so same thing goes ?

@Eggandcresspleasemummy i think you’ll find that principle only goes in one direction ….

Like it or not his children are your child’s siblings. You are part of the same family. How mean to leave them behind when they are visiting you. My parents treated my sisters stepdaughter as a grandchild and equal to my children, they even left her equal monetary gifts in their Wills when they passed. It’s not their fault their parents aren’t together. It’s not even as if he’s expecting you to take them without him. Honestly some people forget they are supposed to be the grown ups.

I’m a step mum and I’d feel a bit bad about them being left home with him working while everyone else goes out . I see your side too though . In reality it’s for him to make it up to them - either on the day or by taking them himself on another occasion

It’s one day

One.

And their father has time off work son can take them anywhere he wants.

Cant believe so many people are making the OP the bad guy in this rather than the lazy man who is choosing not to bother taking his kids out for the day.

controversial as it might be maybe you should of thought about your future when starting a relationship with a man that had previous children of you make him a part of your family so are his children and they are your child’s sibling

It’s not their fault their parents aren’t together.

What do people even mean when they say this? As if anybody suggested that?

Like it or not his children are your child’s siblings. You are part of the same family.

My MIL and I are part of the same family. Does this mean we have to go everywhere together?

A fact she hasn’t disputed. But family does not look the same to everyone, even in nuclear families.

Why ? Many posters are pointing out that they are siblings and should all be included. So why should it be one sided ? If, as a lot of posters seem to think, the OPs parents are considered to have some familial connection to the SC as part of the blended family, then surely the same goes for their mothers’ parents and the OP’s child. Or would that just be silly ???

But it's a theme park, if it was a trip to the park or soft play or something smaller then it wouldn't be that much of an issue. I don't know about everyone else but a theme park is a once a year trip for us so leaving out 2 kids in the family would not be an option, particularly if they are at their house on the day.

It's not about OHs laziness, that's another issue, it's about not actively leaving 2 kids at home who will be upset about being left out

This made me snort coffee up my nose !!!🤣🤣🤣

@Eggandcresspleasemummy its just the usual MN double standard!

That would be extremely silly for obvious reasons that people seem to be conveniently missing. Such as the OP knowing she was getting in to a relationship where young children would be involved, the SCs mother did not.

Step mum here and I would never take my bio child without my step kids - and my relatives live on the other side of the world so it really is special to me when they come.

Excluding your step children is the first step to creating division and conflict BETWEEN your DC and your SDC. Do this for the sake of your child's relationship with their siblings at the very least.

You’re most welcome.

Her DH’s laziness is the issue.

He could get off his arse, book tickets, and take his kids himself, but he won’t.

The only reason the kids may be upset will be if they’re stuck at home rather than out somewhere for the day, and if they are stuck at home that will be down to their father.

Any decent parent would use this as an opportunity to give them time alone with him, and to have a day without having to consider their 5yo sibling. Their father is too lazy to do that and that is the sole issue.

Ah, thank you @CherryMaDeara . I’m just astonished at the levels of hyperbole and hypocrisy on this thread, never mind that people think children (and their useless fathers) in step families should face zero consequences for being badly behaved/lazy - as if giving in to this and setting zero boundaries is going to engender a relationship of mutual respect and love. Not to mention people extrapolating a one off occurrence of an outing arranged by a non grandparent to the SC as some kind of pattern of abuse on the part of the OP.

Because....they have a shared child he is a lazy dad to.
Because she's annoyed..

The kids are probably playing up for attention from a lazy dad and a step mum who doesn't want to be.

If the sexes were reversed and dad said they are not my children why should I pay for food, clothes, outings etc to a mum who was home on maternity leave for a shared child so having no income would you say too right he's not the dad or be calling him out? ....and I'm not saying op is on mat leave.

That doesn’t make them any less the SCs sibling though does it ?

So you and op are okay with him being a lazy parent with the shared child then.

👏👏👏