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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite them on this day out

1000 replies

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:03

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

OP posts:
whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 18:53

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:52

She is their stepmother.

And? It’s a title, not a job description. She isn’t in any way considered a legal parent, and she isn’t in any way responsible for them.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/08/2023 18:54

@Msbluebozooka What thread are you reading because it’s clearly not this one if that’s what you think !!

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:55

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 18:43

So OP has to make up for him being a lazy dad? Is that what you mean when you say she has to take them on?

Show quote history

Yes, surely he's just as lazy with her child?

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 18:55

LJ125 · 09/08/2023 18:50

This feels cruel to your step-children. In excluding them from your family day out you are signalling loud and clear that you do not consider them to be part of your family, and your parents are doing same.

She isn’t their mother, her parents aren’t their grandparents, and her sister isn’t their aunt.

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:55

It's very odd that when so many have a partner they draw a wall around their old family and don't accept that the partners family are now their family too....why live with anybody just stay an insular island of your own blood and use donor sperm then you have no body to moan about.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 18:56

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:55

Yes, surely he's just as lazy with her child?

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So because she is making up for his laziness to her own child, she has to make up for his laziness to his own children too?

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:57

So, is fiancée but we all hope for more!

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:57

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 18:53

Which OP needs to resolve?! Are you serious?!!

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Of course she has to resolve it by saying to him get off your arse and parent....what do you suggest carry on being pissed off and say nothing or just pull the ohh poor me he's a sexist bastard's card he won't solve it?

Lordlanky · 09/08/2023 18:57

All I ever wanted when I visited my dad in his new family, was time alone with him.

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:58

And thankyou xx

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:58

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 18:56

So because she is making up for his laziness to her own child, she has to make up for his laziness to his own children too?

Show quote history

She's taken them on when she took him on.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 19:00

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:58

She's taken them on when she took him on.

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She took them on as stepchildren, which is merely a title. She didn’t become their parent, and she’s not responsible for them. You are of course free to think she did and she should be, but…oh fucking well really, that’s not OP’s problem.

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 19:00

Well, that's up to her.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 19:00

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:57

Of course she has to resolve it by saying to him get off your arse and parent....what do you suggest carry on being pissed off and say nothing or just pull the ohh poor me he's a sexist bastard's card he won't solve it?

Show quote history

No, she doesn’t have to resolve it. She knows him better than you and she KNOWS he won’t help. It’s better he learns to spend time with his kids without a buffer like OP.

I suggest she goes out with her kids and parents and has a fantastic day.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 19:01

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:58

She's taken them on when she took him on.

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So she has to be a parent than him to his kids that aren’t hers because she has a vagina?

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 19:02

*better parent than him

postitnote8 · 09/08/2023 19:02

Unreasonable. Have the day out with everyone, and in future, you & your mum and sister could make more of an effort to meet more regularly?

BoredPandas · 09/08/2023 19:03

He can’t expect you to include them when they weren’t even supposed to be with you that day! I don’t think you’re being nasty OP, you have a right to spend time with your children and family without the DSC coming too. He can go and do something with them and spend quality time with them himself. My children’s step mum often went to spend time with her family and the child she shared with my exdh and he did something different with our children, mine used to love doing things with just their dad sometimes. I did the same with my family. Having stepchildren doesn’t mean they have to be included in everything you do.

Eggandcresspleasemummy · 09/08/2023 19:03

jannier · 09/08/2023 18:55

It's very odd that when so many have a partner they draw a wall around their old family and don't accept that the partners family are now their family too....why live with anybody just stay an insular island of your own blood and use donor sperm then you have no body to moan about.

And as you very well know, none of this is what the OP is doing. I’ll ask you the question none of the OP bashers want to answer. Do you think the OP’s child goes on every single outing the SCs mother takes her children on ? After all they’re siblings aren’t they, so same thing goes ?

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 19:03

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 19:00

Well, that's up to her.

Who are you even talking to?

postitnote8 · 09/08/2023 19:04

Sorry- meant your family (not your mum and sister)

ludocris · 09/08/2023 19:06

And you, @Ridemeginger, have made some really useful and insightful contributions to the discussion yourself.

cannaecookrisotto · 09/08/2023 19:07

I'm from a blended family. We're all older now and I have a child of my own.

There's 5 of us across 2 sets of parents, all different ages.

My dad met my SM when I was 2. I'm the eldest.

There's been times where we've all just gone and done our own shit.

Dads taken his other kids on holidays, days out, I got to do that with my DM, other occasions I went with them.

He's in a different financial position now than he was when I was younger, he's paid for all my siblings uni fees etc, I paid all my own.

There is absolutely no resentment between any of us and we all love the bones of each other.

Your husbands being a dick and making a mountain out of a molehill. I agree it would be shady for you all to get home and talk about a great day out when the step children have spent the day bored inside with dad, but he should be doing something fun with them.

Your problem is the Disney dad, not the kids.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 19:08

ludocris · 09/08/2023 19:06

And you, @Ridemeginger, have made some really useful and insightful contributions to the discussion yourself.

She actually has though.

SpainToday · 09/08/2023 19:08

Minime88888888 · 09/08/2023 18:12

They are your children, your sister is their aunt, your parents are their grandparents, your nephew is their cousin and - possibly most important of all - your child is their sibling. You are causing division where you should be ensuring harmony, equality and togetherness.

What a load of tosh. The OP’s child is their half sibling but the rest of this is factually incorrect.

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