to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

Don’t you regard them all as part of your family? If DH is there to look after them why shouldn’t they come. It seems spiteful to deliberately leave out your SC and they are just children who will realise you didn’t want them.

Ah, I think I’m reading a different thread to other posters. My understanding is that the OP’s parents have arranged the day out (and have paid for it). The husband wants the SC to come (and has said he’ll work in the evening to get the OP to say yes). But it doesn’t sound as though he has sorted out tickets for them, more that he is waiting for the OP / her parents to buy some extra tickets.

He could sort this out himself (or arrange something else) but he hasn’t. I suspect he’d not planned to take the day off / work in the evening because the OP would normally step in.

YABVVVVVVVVU to exclude step children. I’m horrified that anyone would say otherwise, wow. Thank god my child will never have a step mother!

This!

But your SC ARE your family!
My husband and I have created a blended family. Our parents on both sides regard all of our kids as their grandchildren and don’t differentiate between them.
If you are having a lovely day out and not including your SC then YTA and they and your DH will be well within their rights to resent you for it. You also risk creating a massive divide and your SC showing a great deal of resentment towards your DC, which will be difficult to get past going forward

Your family sound amazing, I’m so jealous! I only have one family member besides my child. Everyone else (on both sides) is dead. I look at big, close families with major jealousy! :)

Nothing winds me up more than step parents not wanting to spend time with their step kids (because YES THATS EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS) anyone that agrees with you are probably those step parents in my opinion. I was the step child and it would have devestated me to be left out like this. Grow up and take ALL of your kids out 🙄

How do you know this won't happen? lol...if you & your partner split, do you control who he then dates? 🤔

Seems your dh sees you as simply staff op. He doesn't want to be on his own with his dc but expects you to ! Does he ever take all his dc out alone? Prob not when he has built in child care

Or perhaps you need to grow up and realise that seeing kids every other weekend, and not being in charge of their upbringing, does not a parent make. They are not her kids.

You’ll get all the step parent haters on this but you are totally not BU, they aren’t your kids and it’s good for them to spend time with their dad and for you to spend d time with your family. Presumably your 5 year old doesn’t get invited when they go out with their Mum?

I'm a stepparent and would have done the same and my dh wouldn’t have expected me to take them.

Have a great day with your family.

This! 1000 times this..

They have two parents and a step mum is entitled to time without them, they aren’t her children ffs.

They are your family and your child's siblings I really hope this is real nobody is this mean surely.

Perhaps, you should grow up and stop projecting your own experiences onto strangers.

OP’s parents arranged this for their daughter and grandchildren. OP and her child do not get to see them often which means they very likely see her DH’s children even less. Are you really saying that OP’s parents can never spend time alone with their daughter and grandchild ever unless the SCs are involved?

OP also said that her DH was perfectly fine with her and their child going off with her parents alone UNTIL he realised where he was going and now wants to drop everything and tag along when he can surely get off is bum and take his kids to the amusement park himself or another fun activity.

Besides, the only way that his children would know where OP and their sibling were going is if their father chose to tell them exactly where they were going and then proceeded to not do anything with them which would be mean on his part, not OP’s.

Unless your parents specifically veto it, it's horrible to exclude them if you know now they're going to be there.

@funinthesun19 yeah cos that's exactly what I said 🙄

A number of posters have said the SC 'aren't supposed to be there' today, or that they'd been 'dumped on' OP. I was making the point that that's not quite what has happened.

Nobody said the grandparents had to foot the bill. Why don't the whole family act like a whole family rather than a them and us? Becoming a step parent should mean embracing the step children as your own not as a second class family not worthy of your company. Dad should be a parent to all a son in law to all and a partner op needs to get him sorted not punish the kids.

Grow up and RTFT. The children only ever go on days out at their dad’s if OP arranges it, and they are a handful.

OP is entitled to go out on a day out arranged by her parents.

This is a DH problem. Tell your husband that of course he can take them to the theme park and he can take them off to go on all the bigger rides - you can meet for lunch - and then you go your separate ways. It is his job to parent his children. The OP’s parents and not the DSS’s grandparents. The DSS have their own grandparents for this sort of thing. The only problem is that I bet he’d still want to mooch around with you, in which case tell him to pick another day.

It's perfectly normal for OP's parents to want to go out with their two daughters and their two Grandchildren only - no husbands. It's just total nonsense that the whole crowd has to go everywhere

How do you propose get her husband sorted? She can’t force him to be a good parent.

What you’re basically saying is OP, as the woman, needs to be a mother to all, including her grown ass husband.

@QueenBlue Push back and point out that he is firmly in charge of what happens to his other children when you are out with your child and your parents. Even go so far as to tell him he is as capable as anyone of taking their own children out for the day. Do not let any moaning or sulking away you or stop you from going again.

I think its perfectly reasonable for you to refuse to take them, but I don't think it's reasonable for you to say your DH can't bring them if he wants to - in fact I don't think you have any right whatsoever to forbid HIM from bringing them. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that if he wants to bring them, he must take responsibility for them and accompany them to any rides etc that aren't suitable for the little ones - you and your parents will be focusing on one another and on your shared child. Then meet up for lunch/ice cream or whatever.

As a stepmum we get a tough time on here OP. YANBU - this is special time with your family, and step kids don’t have a right to come along.

I can’t imagine leaving any child in my home out of a theme park trip, whether they were related or not. Honestly, this is part of the territory when you have a child with a man who already had children, they’re a package deal. You need to suck it up, and so do your parents