Page 22 | to not invite them on this day out

Georgyporky · 09/08/2023 10:02

I do hope OP is having a lovely day out without DH & his dc.

Neonyellowfish · 09/08/2023 10:03

Funhouse8 · 09/08/2023 09:45

Well first of all don't marry someone who is a lazy fucker to begin with. But secondly as stated they are just children who unfortunately are put in that position. I wouldn't want any child to feel unwanted or pushed out, you're meant to be a family. I wouldn't take one child out and leave one behind. It's sad to me that people view step children as a burden and an inconvenience.

Luckily I don't need to worry about that dynamic because my partner is a hands on dad and would take any chance to spend quality time with his children.

Lots of people do stuff with one child while the other child is with someone else or doing something else.

Step mums are not the ones to who should be making sure the kids don’t feel left out. Their dad can do that.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:05

@whumpthereitis he’s offered to reschedule work so he can go on the FAMILY trip out and has offered to be there for his own children? You’d have a valid point if he said “no I’m still working you can take them all with you”.. he hasn’t, so it’s very shitty of OP to basically say “no I want to spend time with who I consider to be my family”..
because that’s how it’s come across, a lot of other posters have stated this also, her DH clearly has taken it this way aswell which isn’t surprising tbh.

OP came on here asking if she’s being unreasonable, it’s mixed responses, everyone is entitled to there opinion.

Funhouse8 · 09/08/2023 10:08

I'm so glad my children don't have to deal with the attitudes of some of the "step mums" on here. Pretty sad for the kid's.

As the poster above said the dad said he would come along and manage them. But the op clearly has no interest in excluding them. And I'm well aware kid's do separate thing's. But at no point would I turn around and say a child isn't welcome. That's the difference. Op asked the question she got the responses.

Funhouse8 · 09/08/2023 10:09

Including not excluding

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 09/08/2023 10:10

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:05

@whumpthereitis he’s offered to reschedule work so he can go on the FAMILY trip out and has offered to be there for his own children? You’d have a valid point if he said “no I’m still working you can take them all with you”.. he hasn’t, so it’s very shitty of OP to basically say “no I want to spend time with who I consider to be my family”..
because that’s how it’s come across, a lot of other posters have stated this also, her DH clearly has taken it this way aswell which isn’t surprising tbh.

OP came on here asking if she’s being unreasonable, it’s mixed responses, everyone is entitled to there opinion.

Because a Disney dad that never parents, lets them run wild or expects OP to pitch in every time (as she has experience of this), never takes them out on his own, will suddenly become the parent of the year on this one occasion? Yeah, right.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 10:11

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:05

@whumpthereitis he’s offered to reschedule work so he can go on the FAMILY trip out and has offered to be there for his own children? You’d have a valid point if he said “no I’m still working you can take them all with you”.. he hasn’t, so it’s very shitty of OP to basically say “no I want to spend time with who I consider to be my family”..
because that’s how it’s come across, a lot of other posters have stated this also, her DH clearly has taken it this way aswell which isn’t surprising tbh.

OP came on here asking if she’s being unreasonable, it’s mixed responses, everyone is entitled to there opinion.

Without even asking whether the hosts are okay with that. The grandparents want to spend time with their children and grandchildren, as is their right.

Yes, it is a select number of family - so? OP probably has a lot of other family members who also haven’t been invited, and that’s okay too. Not every family outing requires every single member of said family to get an invitation.

If the DH wants to be butthurt over that then that’s up to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

aSofaNearYou · 09/08/2023 10:11

Funhouse8 · 09/08/2023 10:08

I'm so glad my children don't have to deal with the attitudes of some of the "step mums" on here. Pretty sad for the kid's.

As the poster above said the dad said he would come along and manage them. But the op clearly has no interest in excluding them. And I'm well aware kid's do separate thing's. But at no point would I turn around and say a child isn't welcome. That's the difference. Op asked the question she got the responses.

Conveniently ignoring OP saying he would not follow through on his promise to watch them himself.

Iwantcakeeveryday · 09/08/2023 10:13

This is all so silly, people are projecting their own crap onto the OP's family, and the SC, assuming what they feel and want. I barely know my stepmum's family, I was fine and felt loved by my stepmum without her needing to pretend I was blood related. Things are different in step families, each one finds their own way and theres no set way it has to be. If everyone relaxed more, and stopped putting pressure on step parents to pretend to be their actual real mum and dad, I think the kids involved would be much happier.

Mamai90 · 09/08/2023 10:14

These threads sicken the heart of me.

So mean to do this to kids. That's why if DH and I ever split we'd never get into new relationships until they were much older. I would never want my children to be treated like this. It's nasty.

And your parents would prefer you did this? Horrible, all of you.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 10:15

Funhouse8 · 09/08/2023 10:08

I'm so glad my children don't have to deal with the attitudes of some of the "step mums" on here. Pretty sad for the kid's.

As the poster above said the dad said he would come along and manage them. But the op clearly has no interest in excluding them. And I'm well aware kid's do separate thing's. But at no point would I turn around and say a child isn't welcome. That's the difference. Op asked the question she got the responses.

Ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 09/08/2023 10:15

Mamai90 · 09/08/2023 10:14

These threads sicken the heart of me.

So mean to do this to kids. That's why if DH and I ever split we'd never get into new relationships until they were much older. I would never want my children to be treated like this. It's nasty.

And your parents would prefer you did this? Horrible, all of you.

Me too. So many shitty,lazy fathers that expect the women in their lives to cover up for how shitty they are, step in, pick up the slack with all the responsibilities but no rights. Truly sickening.

aSofaNearYou · 09/08/2023 10:17

Iwantcakeeveryday · 09/08/2023 10:13

This is all so silly, people are projecting their own crap onto the OP's family, and the SC, assuming what they feel and want. I barely know my stepmum's family, I was fine and felt loved by my stepmum without her needing to pretend I was blood related. Things are different in step families, each one finds their own way and theres no set way it has to be. If everyone relaxed more, and stopped putting pressure on step parents to pretend to be their actual real mum and dad, I think the kids involved would be much happier.

Amen.

ihadamarveloustime · 09/08/2023 10:24

I hope you're having the day you wanted to have today, OP.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:35

🥱🥱🥱 done replying now, he offered to come along, we have one side of the story, I’m sure her DH would shed some light on the situation if we heard his side to😊, OP has chosen to exclude her stepchildren and it’s always the stepchildren that get affected in the long run! They have two households to move between.. OP got with this man knowing he has children, it’s common sense that issues will crop up behavioural or otherwise, yes he got with OP aswell, however it’s not difficult at the start to make out how loving she is towards them is it?

I’ve noticed many women especially change down the line once they have there own child in the picture, to have a family day out and not offer them to come along in my view is nasty, especially if DH is offering to come along aswell..

OPs family have openly said they just don’t want them there.. because basically they don’t look at them as grandkids, if my family said they didn’t want my stepchildren to come along because there a “problem” I’d be saying no thanks because we’re all a package..

just have to agree to disagree on this one lovely’s 😊

aSofaNearYou · 09/08/2023 10:41

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:35

🥱🥱🥱 done replying now, he offered to come along, we have one side of the story, I’m sure her DH would shed some light on the situation if we heard his side to😊, OP has chosen to exclude her stepchildren and it’s always the stepchildren that get affected in the long run! They have two households to move between.. OP got with this man knowing he has children, it’s common sense that issues will crop up behavioural or otherwise, yes he got with OP aswell, however it’s not difficult at the start to make out how loving she is towards them is it?

I’ve noticed many women especially change down the line once they have there own child in the picture, to have a family day out and not offer them to come along in my view is nasty, especially if DH is offering to come along aswell..

OPs family have openly said they just don’t want them there.. because basically they don’t look at them as grandkids, if my family said they didn’t want my stepchildren to come along because there a “problem” I’d be saying no thanks because we’re all a package..

just have to agree to disagree on this one lovely’s 😊

Yeah sure, so everything that supports your perspective is "common sense" whereas everything that doesn't MUST be explained by OP having lied. Not at all biased. Not at all drawing from your own preconception that people pretend to feel otherwise earlier in the relationship, which there is no evidence of.

It is common sense that behavioural issues might arise, yes. It's also common sense that it will be the parents who need to deal with that, unless the step parent has expressly agreed otherwise. There is no "common sense" that it would be otherwise. I'm sorry that that reality is so hard for you to accept.

Also everyone is affected by these situations, not just the step children.

We can agree to disagree, but Christ your arguing skills are weak.

Ridemeginger · 09/08/2023 10:42

If people expect the OP to treat the SC as her own, then she should be allowed to parent and discipline them as her own - which includes excluding them from treat days for repeated bad behaviour. Of course, the hypocrisy in this thread means she should know her place, and have absolutely no say in discipline, consequences and rewards - just put up and shut up; because what the bio parents want, no matter how shitty their parenting is, goes, and this is her punishment for daring to marry a man with children.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 10:42

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:35

🥱🥱🥱 done replying now, he offered to come along, we have one side of the story, I’m sure her DH would shed some light on the situation if we heard his side to😊, OP has chosen to exclude her stepchildren and it’s always the stepchildren that get affected in the long run! They have two households to move between.. OP got with this man knowing he has children, it’s common sense that issues will crop up behavioural or otherwise, yes he got with OP aswell, however it’s not difficult at the start to make out how loving she is towards them is it?

I’ve noticed many women especially change down the line once they have there own child in the picture, to have a family day out and not offer them to come along in my view is nasty, especially if DH is offering to come along aswell..

OPs family have openly said they just don’t want them there.. because basically they don’t look at them as grandkids, if my family said they didn’t want my stepchildren to come along because there a “problem” I’d be saying no thanks because we’re all a package..

just have to agree to disagree on this one lovely’s 😊

Pity you haven't noticed that this man has the time to take his own kids out himself but won't because he can't be arsed.

It's not a step-mum's job to do his parenting for him.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/08/2023 10:44

OPs family have openly said they just don’t want them there.. because basically they don’t look at them as grandkids, if my family said they didn’t want my stepchildren to come along because there a “problem” I’d be saying no thanks because we’re all a package..

You’re just making stuff up - none of the OPs posts say anything like that

namechangenacy · 09/08/2023 10:46

Weird amount of women who are putting the blame on op, rather than dad who activity doesn't want to spend one on one time with his kids doing something nice and is a Disney parent.
I suppose that will be twisted into her fault at some point too 🙄

The bar is so low for some clearly

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 09/08/2023 10:51

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:35

🥱🥱🥱 done replying now, he offered to come along, we have one side of the story, I’m sure her DH would shed some light on the situation if we heard his side to😊, OP has chosen to exclude her stepchildren and it’s always the stepchildren that get affected in the long run! They have two households to move between.. OP got with this man knowing he has children, it’s common sense that issues will crop up behavioural or otherwise, yes he got with OP aswell, however it’s not difficult at the start to make out how loving she is towards them is it?

I’ve noticed many women especially change down the line once they have there own child in the picture, to have a family day out and not offer them to come along in my view is nasty, especially if DH is offering to come along aswell..

OPs family have openly said they just don’t want them there.. because basically they don’t look at them as grandkids, if my family said they didn’t want my stepchildren to come along because there a “problem” I’d be saying no thanks because we’re all a package..

just have to agree to disagree on this one lovely’s 😊

Then why doesn't take them out on his own to make sure they don't miss out? That's what a normal ,decent parent would do.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:52

they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

I know my parents would prefer it too if it were just us.

from OPs posts, not quite sure how else you’d take that?

CrazyHedgehogLover · 09/08/2023 10:54

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus or OP could just not exclude her SC so they could all potentially go out as a family? As I said it’s one of those situations where people will have different opinions, I’ve got mine based on what I’ve read on here, your entitled to yours😊

frazzledasarock · 09/08/2023 10:55

The sainted dad could absolutely organise and take his kids to the exact same theme park on the same day. Turn up and go surprise we’re here too, let’s have lunch then older dc and I’ll be off again doing our rides.

what exactly is needed from OP really if he’s such a brill hands on dad who is going to parent his own children?

OP has nothing to be berated about. It’s a free country and her H is presumably an adult with his own cash and access to transport.

I've never been held back by what my DH is doing.

Uptoyou34 · 09/08/2023 10:56

There is no 'one size fits all' with blended families and that' is OK. Christ.

OP, go and have fun on your day out and hopefully your DH has taken his kids out too somewhere else. I mean, I'd be slightly put out that DH only wanted to come along on this trip if his two were there, why wasn't he so keen before, he has 3 kids after all not 2?

Growing up my Dad & step-mum went on holiday for a week abroad with my step brother & their joint child whilst I was at school (only time they could afford and my mum didn't want me to miss school, all fair enough). I didn't lose sleep over it and my mum took me on 3 holidays a year anyway so I never missed out.

I have a DSD 10 now and my DP & I have taken her on plenty of nice days out together, she knows my family etc. However we also have a joint child 3 and when I take him on days out with my family occasionally, my DSD isn't moping at home crying, she's having one on one time with my DP which she LOVES. When we don't have DSD, my DP comes along too, and sometimes DSD comes along so there's the 4 of us. It varies and that's OK!!!