Page 19 | to not invite them on this day out

QueenBlue · 2023-08-08T09:03:58+00:00

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5. They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it. The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative. DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child. Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8. My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

ludocris · 08/08/2023 19:42

@Georgyporky indeed. Saves me typing it out every time I respond to posters like yourself.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 08/08/2023 19:45

RedHelenB · 08/08/2023 19:27

This

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But he's not going to do that, he'll come along then leave all the work to his wife. She'll be the one queuing for rides, organising food etc for all three children, he won't do a thing. He's lazy and disinterested, read OP's posts. If they went together and he went off with the older children and they met in the middle for lunch, that would be fine - except it won't happen that way. She'll just have her day with her family ruined by having to parent his kids while he does his usual zero.

SpainToday · 08/08/2023 19:45

Seems a shame for half siblings not to share cousins and grand-parents and aunts and uncles when they live together half the time but 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ludocris possibly because each half sibling already had their own quota of cousins/grandparents etc and simply doesn’t feel the need for any more, it’s not necessarily anything negative?

phoenixrosehere · 08/08/2023 19:46

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/08/2023 19:36

This is basically what I want to say too.

It is shit that their dad isn’t going to take the time off and work flexibly just to spend time with them by himself. Really shit.

But could you really walk out the door to a theme park - an activity if anything more suited to them than to a 5 yo - and wave to them say watching telly whilst their dad works?

Let him bring them but make it clear he does all the wrangling for them, and he takes them AND the 8 yo if he wants on the more exciting rides, whilst you have fun with your tiny on the younger rides.

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The trip isn’t about her DH or his SC though! It’s about OP’s parents spending time with THEIR grandchildren and daughter that they don’t see often. It was a pre-planned trip that her parents are treating them to.

Her DH could take them to the amusement park if he wanted to and have them on his own but he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to spend time alone with his own children and only wants to go along with OP because it means he has three other adults to step in (mainly OP) leaving her to not get the time with her parents, child, and nephew. The nephew nor the grandparents really know the SC and having them along changes the dynamic

Would some of you expect the same from the ex-wife’s parents to include OP’s child who they likely don’t see or know much either?

ludocris · 08/08/2023 19:57

SpainToday · 08/08/2023 19:45

Seems a shame for half siblings not to share cousins and grand-parents and aunts and uncles when they live together half the time but 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ludocris possibly because each half sibling already had their own quota of cousins/grandparents etc and simply doesn’t feel the need for any more, it’s not necessarily anything negative?

Again, we're both just projecting our own experiences on this. What if the step-children don't have any grandparents, or grandparents who give a shit about them? Or any other cousins of their own? That would be a shame wouldn't it? And yes I'm sure someone will say why does that mean the OP's family has to take them on? Well they don't of course, but isn't it preferable to be inclusive and make step-relatives, especially children, feel part of the family?

Honestly, they're just children at the end of the day. I agree with the PP who say the OP's DH doesn't sound overly proactive, and if that's the case it's shit. Still seems a bit mean-spirited to leave them out of something so fun.

FrancisSeaton · 08/08/2023 19:59

Ahh another woman who acts the cool stepmom when she meets a man with kids promises she will always welcome them into her life like her own then cuts them out when it suits as soon as she gets a child of her own with him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/08/2023 19:59

phoenixrosehere · 08/08/2023 19:46

The trip isn’t about her DH or his SC though! It’s about OP’s parents spending time with THEIR grandchildren and daughter that they don’t see often. It was a pre-planned trip that her parents are treating them to.

Her DH could take them to the amusement park if he wanted to and have them on his own but he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to spend time alone with his own children and only wants to go along with OP because it means he has three other adults to step in (mainly OP) leaving her to not get the time with her parents, child, and nephew. The nephew nor the grandparents really know the SC and having them along changes the dynamic

Would some of you expect the same from the ex-wife’s parents to include OP’s child who they likely don’t see or know much either?

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I kind of see that but also feel bad for the SC because they are children and they didn’t ask to have a crap dad!

Hopefully their Mum takes them to nice things (or their maternal family) but obviously I don’t know that.

SweetStrawberrie · 08/08/2023 20:00

oh OP I think this is mean!

Their dad should take them elsewhere if you really do not want them joining you.

I couldn't imagine being in a situation like this though - actively avoiding my DH being present at a family day out. Even if I didn't see my family much.

DinoRoar14 · 08/08/2023 20:01

FrancisSeaton · 08/08/2023 19:59

Ahh another woman who acts the cool stepmom when she meets a man with kids promises she will always welcome them into her life like her own then cuts them out when it suits as soon as she gets a child of her own with him.

Was this in writing?
Blood oath?

SweetStrawberrie · 08/08/2023 20:02

I think this is why people really need to have a long think before they get involved with people who already have children.

FrancisSeaton · 08/08/2023 20:02

Their dad is so crap the OP had a child with him knowing full well he has a responsibility to them 🤔

ludocris · 08/08/2023 20:04

Right… but can’t you see as an adult that your step mum would of wanted to spend some time with her child and DH sometimes, specially as you lived there.

Do you base yourself on this character? vm.tiktok.com/ZGJgV4hK9/

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/08/2023 20:10

SweetStrawberrie · 08/08/2023 20:00

oh OP I think this is mean!

Their dad should take them elsewhere if you really do not want them joining you.

I couldn't imagine being in a situation like this though - actively avoiding my DH being present at a family day out. Even if I didn't see my family much.

But the grandparents are the hosts, not the OP. Why should their plans change because op's husband is a lazy lout?

whumpthereitis · 08/08/2023 20:13

ludocris · 08/08/2023 19:57

Again, we're both just projecting our own experiences on this. What if the step-children don't have any grandparents, or grandparents who give a shit about them? Or any other cousins of their own? That would be a shame wouldn't it? And yes I'm sure someone will say why does that mean the OP's family has to take them on? Well they don't of course, but isn't it preferable to be inclusive and make step-relatives, especially children, feel part of the family?

Honestly, they're just children at the end of the day. I agree with the PP who say the OP's DH doesn't sound overly proactive, and if that's the case it's shit. Still seems a bit mean-spirited to leave them out of something so fun.

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That wouldn’t be/ isn’t the responsibility of OP, or her parents, to solve.

And no. The grandparents have invited their children and grandchildren out for the day because they want to spend time with them.

Anyhoodaloo · 08/08/2023 20:22

Who's paying for the theme park? If it's your parents then I wouldn't expect them to pay for your SC that they don't even know.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 08/08/2023 20:22

FrancisSeaton · Today 19:59
Ahh another woman who acts the cool stepmom when she meets a man with kids promises she will always welcome them into her life like her own then cuts them out when it suits as soon as she gets a child of her own with him.

Aah another man with children who acts the responsible type and marries then expects the new wife to do all the parenting of his existing and future children

aSofaNearYou · 08/08/2023 20:28

Seems a shame for half siblings not to share cousins and grand-parents and aunts and uncles when they live together half the time but 🤷🏻‍♀️

A shame for who? Some children (including these one's by the sounds of things) are very domineering and dominate social occasions. When there is a middle aged child (like the cousin in this situation) they often ignore the younger child and fawn over the older ones.

I can't see that it's particularly in the younger child's interests to share their relatives with other children who won't be sharing theirs in return.

funinthesun19 · 08/08/2023 20:37

FrancisSeaton · 08/08/2023 19:59

Ahh another woman who acts the cool stepmom when she meets a man with kids promises she will always welcome them into her life like her own then cuts them out when it suits as soon as she gets a child of her own with him.

Such silly nonsense and jumping to so many conclusions.

SweetStrawberrie · 08/08/2023 20:40

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/08/2023 20:10

But the grandparents are the hosts, not the OP. Why should their plans change because op's husband is a lazy lout?

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Would just personally find it a bit bizarre if my parents had an issue with my DH and his kids coming on a family day out. Seems a bit them and us. Grateful we don't have this dynamic.

Hate the idea of any child feeling less than, despite who's fault it is.

Comes across mean from a childs perspective who don't understand adult dynamics/drama.

funinthesun19 · 08/08/2023 20:50

SweetStrawberrie · 08/08/2023 20:02

I think this is why people really need to have a long think before they get involved with people who already have children.

And I think people who are already parents should think before they choose to have children with someone else if they don’t want a difference between their children.

CherryBlossom321 · 08/08/2023 21:10

Despite some of the hysterical, dramatic responses you’ve had here, no, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Go and have a lovely day.

namechangenacy · 08/08/2023 21:35

Fuck my life this isn't a trip to Disney.

Op should be able to her dc to spend time with their biological grandparents without the day being completely ruined by unparented children. Or is it only the DSc that matter...

Ops isn't insisting that her dh comes without the step kids. She's actively wanting her dh to do something one on one with his children which I imagine should be something he would jump at given the certain situation. If he was a decent parent.

Before I get jumped my dd has a sm, and I wouldn't object to her sm wanting to have a day out with her parents and her dc, leaving her husband and my dd to have a nice day together.

We have to stop blaming women for issues caused solely by shitty men who are shitty dads.

namechangenacy · 08/08/2023 21:41

"I kind of see that but also feel bad for the SC because they are children and they didn’t ask to have a crap dad"

I'm not being funny but why is the bar higher for op (as the step mum) than the man who actually procreated to create these children and has not only parental responsibility for these kids but a large hand to play in why these kids are acting badly ?

Does anyone feel bad for ops child who never gets to go out with his bio grandparents without (in this case step) unruly kids ruining the day ?

If ops child hears about fun days out with DSc mother/ bio grandparents ? They would be told that life isn't always fair and told to suck it up.

Just because a women married a man, it doesn't mean that everything and every event is or should be about the DSc preference.

Again fuck me it's not a once in a life time trip.

ludocris · 08/08/2023 21:42

That wouldn’t be/ isn’t the responsibility of OP, or her parents, to solve.

Literally predicted this response in the post you quoted @whumpthereitis

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/08/2023 21:57

namechangenacy · 08/08/2023 21:41

"I kind of see that but also feel bad for the SC because they are children and they didn’t ask to have a crap dad"

I'm not being funny but why is the bar higher for op (as the step mum) than the man who actually procreated to create these children and has not only parental responsibility for these kids but a large hand to play in why these kids are acting badly ?

Does anyone feel bad for ops child who never gets to go out with his bio grandparents without (in this case step) unruly kids ruining the day ?

If ops child hears about fun days out with DSc mother/ bio grandparents ? They would be told that life isn't always fair and told to suck it up.

Just because a women married a man, it doesn't mean that everything and every event is or should be about the DSc preference.

Again fuck me it's not a once in a life time trip.

I’m not putting the bar higher for the OP! That’s very much not the kind of person I am.

Unfortunately, the OP’s husband isn’t here asking for advice, and sounds unlikely to take it if given.