to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

ludocris · Today 18:13

I don't think it's anything to do with the dad being with them on their own. It's about excluding them from the group that includes their half-sibling and step-cousin.

Step-cousin?? Seriously?? That’s rather like the hairdresser’s neighbour’s vicar’s cousin!

Of course she can. Why is she expected to compensate for the failings of their father?

That's an assumption as much as any other.

It would likely cause jealousy, yes - though dad could counter this with an equally exciting offer if he didn't want his children to experience jealousy - but it's certainly an assumption that the kids will be hurt not to have been included in something OPs family, who they barely know, is doing, rather than just generically jealous that they're doing something cool.

I agree with @SpainToday
The quoted poster has an appropriate username, 😀

You are being very, very unreasonable. You are planning to breeze back in after a lovely day out that you have excluded your step children from. And expect them to be grateful for your family popping in to say hello to them afterwards. Christ, that is sad.
Do you know what blended means?

I think it’s only ok if he does something equally fun with them separately so they’re not missing out. They’re your step kids but I think having step grandkids is pushing it a bit and the day is for your parents really, it’s not necessary that they come

As a stepchild myself when growing up, this happened a lot. Step mum only wanted to have days out with my dad and their daughter. It was hurtful. You have chosen to be a step parent, please try and think of this in the reverse and your child being the stepchild.

And why shouldn’t she be allowed days out with just her child. You didn’t need to be involved in every day out

And I lived with my dad full time.

OP doesn't want the dad there either .She wants to spend time with her parents and sister/nephew , which she barely sees.

What would you have preferred? Going out in a group of 8, or having a 1 2 1 day with your dad?

Don't forget the step cousin. The trauma...

If it was a constant thing you’d have a point. It’s not though, it’s one occasion.

I’m taking 2 of my 3 kids out on Saturday - the other will go somewhere different with DH. Families don’t always need to do absolutely everything together.

The problem in this situation isn’t the OP. It’s tbt fact that her DH is shit and will choose for his older children to do nothing if he doesn’t have the OP to do all the donkey work for him. He could choose to take them somewhere that would be a pain with a much younger sibling - that’s what any decent parent would do with the opportunity.

No she didn't. The kids got dumped on them by mum for some reason.

Well aren't you a peach! I'm not saying that at all. I'm just giving my perspective from the step children's view. As you were.

She's not going with their dad, she's going with her parents and sister.

Step-kids are not full-time as you were - very different dynamic.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings oh no you're not! Apparently that never happens.

Right… but can’t you see as an adult that your step mum would of wanted to spend some time with her child and DH sometimes, specially as you lived there.

Also OP doesn’t want her DH to join in, she just wants to take her child out with her family so it’s completely different.

The stepkids aren't thick. They know they have different grandparents. It's fine. There's not point trying to shove a blended family into a "nuclear" family shaped hole. Just accept it for what it is. Nuanced.

Absolutely!

It's really not. I do it all the time. I take my DC out and DH does something with my DSC. It's good for them to get 1-2-1 rime with him.

Happens all the time in this house 😂

in fact with the eldest 3 who are all now adults, we’d often have DSS and 1 DD going one place and other DD another.

Its madness. If the OP was complain j about her DH not taking her youngest people would be banging on about the elder two being so much older and entitled to their dads attention without the sibling. Yet the dad being a lazy prick and not taking them out is also her fault

Their Dad is working - you know earning cash to feed his kids.

If he's that much of a looser and failing Dad why did she have a child with him?

Agree. Disney Dad needs to do some parenting himself for a change

Not a problem, considering he already offered to switch his schedule around. He can do something with his kids while OP is out.