to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

Why would op parents and sister want to spend time with her step kids? They are not their family.

Why are so many women so horrified at the thought of a father and his kids spending a day together on their own?

Thanks for that mature response.

Choosing to take a favourite child to a treat and exclude their siblings is nothing like taking an uninvited child to a birthday party.

You are trying to use a straw man argument to justify why an adult should be able to do what they want despite it clearly being hurtful to the dc in their family.

I KNOW! It's so stupid. Like BUT THEY WONT HAVE A WOMAN THERE! HOW WILL THEY COOPE

Dad can then make the effort to go out with his kids then at the same time..

@Neonyellowfish their daughter's step-children are not their family? OK. You're VERY conservative in your definition.

That’s not an issue at all , the issue is a woman making sure her SC are left behind when clearly they would love a day with the sibling on an amusement park . You can paint it as you wish but the reality is her SC are part of the family and if she is not happy with it then she shouldn’t have gotten married to a man who had children

I don't think it's anything to do with the dad being with them on their own. It's about excluding them from the group that includes their half-sibling and step-cousin.

@Cucucucu it helps to read the OP properly. The kids were not supposed to be with their dad, it was not his day. The day out was arranged weeks in advance, on a day when the step kids were not supposed to be there.

The whole point of the trip is that OP and her child can spend some time with her family because they don't see them often due to distance.

Go and enjoy your day out with your parents and sister. I assume it was booked when you didn’t know your SC would be with you! Why should you change your plans?

This is irrelevant because they are going to be there. If OP had an older child who was supposed to be away at scout camp, and that got cancelled, I'm pretty sure they'd take the child with them.

It’s almost like different things work for different families.

Op are you the same person that didn’t what to take the sc on holidays either ? And whose husband was upset ?
I hope these men see through this awful behaviour and ou their kids first

It’s like I said earlier, you can class yourself as related but not really know someone, I gave the example of my uncles not really knowing DH’s uncles. It’s not the end of the world.

You keep mentioning "my family", Your step children are your family, simply put you are part of a blended family.

You said in a comment that your parents and sister haven't really spent time with your step children, it sounds to me as though you are trying to keep everyone separate.

If I was one of the children being left at home I would be feeling alienated and questioning why we were being left out...

Not ouch at all. It’s true. Being tied at the hip is suffocating.

A woman makes plans with her family, and her husband suggests/insists that he and his kids come too. Probably trying the guilt trip card too no doubt.

Sounds suffocating to me, because she’s actually allowed to see her family without him/his kids always being there.

They are there now . My step son was not supposed to go on holiday abroad with us and then his mum had a issue and now he needs to come , it costed us an extra £2000 as all was booked last minute ( flights , visa , extra big car ) , but there is no way I would tell him no . He is family

@Cucucucu I'm also sure they'd also love (if not even more) a day with dad, without having to split his attention on his wife, other child, random extended family members doing something just as fun.

Apologies Annie - what I meant is that some people on MN will blame women for absolutely everything. Hence no, nobody's thinking of the woman!

And I agree the grandparents and grandchild deserve to have their own relationship. The man is given a free pass and his wife is somehow deemed to be responsible for all the childcare. I find this unfathomable, but looking at the attitudes upthread I can see why so many men get away with such minimal input into the housework and childcare. Threads on this site are ten-a-penny written by women at the ends of their tether because their lazy partners expect them to do everything.

Rods and own backs spring to mind.

It seems to be an unpopular on MN but I think if you marry a person with children, you become one big extended family. I don't see there being lines between 'our kids' and 'your kids'. That's why they're called 'blended families' and you move as one unit.

Obviously not everyone sees it that way but that's just my view.

So? They would both be her children, nieces/nephews to her sister, and grandchildren to her parents.

Her stepchildren are not her children, and the relationship between all parties is different. This is a family get together organised by her parents for the their children and grandchildren. OP’s stepchildren are not their grandchildren, regardless of whether you think they should be thought of as such.

Step cousin? Getting ridiculous now

It might be a different dynamic.
But really how can she walk out the door with their half-sibling to go to a fun fair while they are left to amuse themselves in front of the telly while Dad works?

Because we all know he isn't going to take time off to do something without Op.

"Bye kids see you when we get back"
Someone said the kids would only be hurt if someone told them to be hurt. Honestly could you do that to any child?

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays

Just out of interest OP, were you in anyway consulted about having them there on a day when DH is working? Or did he agree to it all and then expect that you'd be the actual parent on the day while he ducked out (at least in the morning)?

I think your atitude ( exactly the same as mine ) is the difference between a blended family that leave no trauma and one that will always have issues . No way I would go out with my bio kids and leave my step kids and no way my partner would do the same . It’s our kids , if they are all in the house then they all get the same opportunities.
No wonder so many children are left traumatised by step parents .