to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

I knew this would be a stepchildren one as soon as I saw the title. Poor kids being excluded.

Have you bothered to read more than the title?

Due to the age gap between the children, the older ones (step kids) will want to do different things, so it's best if another adult, say... their father.... supervises them, at a time convenient to him.

Please don't give into this lazy man and entertain his bratty kids for him.

Remind him it's your parents invitation to you and your sister.

Because her going and leaving two kids she shares a house with is fucking cruel.

They didn't ask to be come half siblings to Ops child.

What bit of ALL did you miss?

Half a family going out leaving 2 kids behind is nasty.

Nonsense.

The answer to that is their father getting off his arse and taking them out for the day himself.

Him being a lazy fucker is the issue. Not the OP taking her much younger child out on a day trip with her parents and sibling.

There’s another aspect to this, that’s just dawned on me. The day out was arranged for the OP’s child to spend time with their maternal grandparents and aunt. When the DC spend time with their own maternal grandparents, is the OP’s child routinely invited along ? It’s the same thing isn’t it ?

She doesn't share the house with them except on visitng days, they live with their mother. Does their mother ever invite OP's child - their half-sibling - out on excursions with her family?

Father to the children should look after his own children, not OP's responsibility 100% of the time - she does it 90% of their time when they visit their dad, she's allowed time off. AND allowed to expect DH would do his share with HIS children.

The age difference makes this an ideal opportunity for the father to do something with his older children without them having to consider their younger sibling.

Thats a very normal thing to do.

The DH is just a lazy fucker who doesn’t want to deal with his children.

Exactly which is why it would be fine for the GPs to take ops child.

But I think its nasty for Op to go leaving the other kids behind.

She married / got into a relationship the kids didn't have a choice.

And the amusing thing is if the OP was insisting on tbt kids going with her family she’d be told she was overstepping, they have two parents and their own grandparents etc etc.

@QueenBlue stepmothers never do the right thing on Mn. No matter what you do.

Because OP shouldn't be allowed to spend time with her family and should make sure she is around to pick up her husbands lack of parenting?

And you clearly missed the fact that the issue is their behaviour, and their father’s unwillingness to tackle it, not simply that they are SC. It’s not nasty to not want to reward bad behaviour. Nor is is nasty to not want to be saddled with disciplining your SC because their dad won’t, and having that ruin a day you originally planned for outside of normal contact with SC.

@Sugarfree23 Why exactly is it fine to admit that the GC have a relationship with their maternal family that the SC don't have, but not ok to admit the same about OP herself?

But my point is, do they ? Because if the arrangement doesn’t apply to all, then the OP has more reason than the SC’s bad behaviour to dig her heels in about.

Well, as a grandmother, I would be miffed if I had organised a day out for two of my DC and GDC, only to be told that one of their spouses had invited themselves and their own offspring along. For one thing, I would somewhat struggle to pay for 3 extra guests. For another thing, if I were then to discover that the SC were squabbling terrors (to be fair my own DC had form at that age) and, more to the point, that their parent was going to leave it to the rest of us to sort out, I'd be tempted to call the whole thing off. Won't somebody think of the old lady?

Exactly.

Totally BATSHIT comment.

Why tf would OP want to stay at home with her Dh and his children over a lovely day out with her DS and her relatives who she doesn’t see very often? Her relatives will be looking forward to seeing her and vice versa, and she will be looking forward to having some fun with her DS and seeing him happy.

Her DH is working from home anyway. So she’d be staying at home as his babysitter. Yayyyy…

Have you genuinely overlooked all the relevant info the OP has given or are you intentionally disregarding it in favour of resorting to insults ?

But I think its nasty for Op to go leaving the other kids behind

No it’s not because she’s not their mother.

Quite! Gratuitous insults add nothing to the discussion.

@Eggandcresspleasemummy what exactly did i say that were gratuitous insults?

Never see these threads. Always the opposite. Women being supported for being petty because they chose to marry a man with children.

Good lord, the only common parent here is the father. He is perfectly capable of planning a day out for all three of his children to let them bond.

Imagine if OP was on here moaning that her step-kids' grandparents had gifted them a day out and she wasn't allowed to muscle in. She'd be (rightly) crucified. That's exactly what the DH is trying to do.