To ask my husband dropped not play football?

[Cakeandbiscuitsandicecream]

My husband plays football on a Tuesday and Saturday afternoon (so on a Saturday is usually out between 1/2 and 9pm).
It is our daughters third birthday at the beginning of October.
I have suggested that we go out for the day to a theme park (one that is suitable for her age) on the Saturday (which is the day of her birthday).
I have told him in advance as I know he gets annoyed about doing things on a Saturday.
He has suggested to do it on the Sunday... I know she won't know but that isn't the date of her birthday.
AIBU to want him to not go to football on her birthday and spend the whole day with his daughter?

Well, I would consider being part of any team to mean it is a commitment. Clearly we are quite different with our outlook.
I belong to various groups, and to me, that is a commitment. Doesn't mean I can't ever miss a week - everyone gets ill, and everyone goes on holiday or away for other reasons - but it does mean you can't just dip in and out at will, when other people are depending on you being there. Most people choose to minimise the number of times they miss a session. In this case, the weekend means he can both honour his commitment to the team and spend the day going on the outing with his family, so there is no reason to let his team mates down.

On a personal level, my boss knows my DD is more important than my boss and the company I work for, especially on her birthday. Is your boss or their company really more important to you than your child/ren on their birthday of all days? Are you saying your children are an inconvenience to you if you have to miss one day of your hobby for such an important day to them?

One of the first days I book annual leave for every year is my DD birthday so I can spend it with her. I want her to know that she is important to me and I want to spend her special day with her.

However on a separate note you can’t put work and a hobby in the same box of equal importance

Actually, loads! We’re very tight. We both work from home the majority of the time so do all school drop offs and pick up 4 days out of 5, often together. The kids play sport too so a lot of that is done as a family. I feel we’ve got a good balance.

I didn't even know this was a thing, I don't know anyone in RL who takes a day's annual leave off work for DC birthday, most people are struggling to cover school hols. My biggest deadline at work is always over DS2s birthday so I have never taken leave. Also I wouldn't take them out of school on their birthday so we celebrate when we're together.

My DC totally know they are special, they also know I have to work in order for us to pay bills and that their importance to me is not related to the fact that sometimes on birthdays I might need to work. What a strange point of view to suggest otherwise.

Of course work is more important than a hobby however if you are part of a team and committed to it what sort of attitude does it teach kids that you can just ditch your teammates when you fancy a bit of a social, if you commit you commit! My DCs have always played team sports and ensure they commit to the teams as they know how frustrating it is when others don't. Also why would you teach your children that the world revolves around them. Sometimes they can't be put first, that is setting them up to be spoilt. They should learn to be flexible also.

The conversation in our house would go, do you want to do presents in the morning, would have to be X time as dad is playing cricket, or we can do it after when hes back (in reality we'd probably go and watch) and we would arrange theme park day for the next day. It would be a complete non issue. Neither DC would ever be so self centered it would cross their minds that we cancel our hobbies for their birthdays, and the same the other way round.

If I listed on here all the stuff we did then I think people would question what time we did stuff as a family but when you are a busy family you do find time. We love all our hobbies and do share some altogether. Sometimes it's one of us with one DC and the other with the other DC but none of us feel neglected etc.

No problem with doing the day out on a sunday, YABU there. And this issue won’t happen again for 5-6 years so all good :)

But, generally, why does playing football take 8 hours? A game of football is 90mins. Presumably it doesn’t take 8 hours on a Tuesday night or he’d be there til midnight? The default should be that he goes, plays his match and comes home. If once a month he wants to stay and have drinks then great but there’s zero reason to be away for that length of time. Even golf doesn’t take that long!

To be fair the child is 3, if you can’t be self centred at 3 when can you be!

For all the sporting families do you manage to make a football game last 8 hours, if you say you make time for family wouldn’t that mean you would try and get home for bedtime if you had a 3 yo not spin your hobby out to ensure all parenting duties will be done by the time you get home

To be fair I can't see why the DH would not come straight home after the match, that bit does seem off esp if it meant they would be back before bedtime for the birthday girl but thats not actually the issue the OP has raised. I hadn't really clocked the timings, I am guessing even for football, with travelling you could easily account for 6/7 hrs though for away games.

For cricket often DH will need to leave 11/12 and match finishes around 730 at latest plus pack up and travel home but obv the match can last 6ish hours so thats reasonable, there are always drinks after so anything up to a 2am finish but once the match is over then he would always come straight home if we had plans etc.

@NotAMug but it appears it 8 hours every Saturday so not to do with away games

It all depends on what the parent does the rest of the time. A useless parent that does nothing all week with the DCs and it all falls to the other parent then also goes out all day on one weekend day so misses bed time then, yes that's totally shit.

A parent who is hands on, does their fair share and is there when the other parent does their hobbies/socials then no issue IMO. A 3 yo doesn't need both parents there together at all times.

@toomuchlaundry home game you could be out maybe 4/5 hrs I guess with getting there, getting changed, warm up etc so I am assuming there are a few drinks after to make it 7/8 hrs. I think that people are taking lots of offence about this (its not for everyone to have hobbies away from their families) but actually whilst the OP has said she is not that keen on it I reckon it's affecting the responses.

If she had said he's out from 2-6, always comes straight back home after match would people have been so quick to say he should miss the match?

@NotAMug I think also it is because how she describes his attitude and that she says it is casual, so assume it is more kick about than league. So would understand if she tried to book something every Saturday, but DC’s birthdays aren’t always going to fall on a Saturday so could be a one off to ask him to have off.

On a personal level, my boss knows my DD is more important than my boss and the company I work for, especially on her birthday. Is your boss or their company really more important to you than your child/ren on their birthday of all days?

That's funny.
Of course my dc are the most important thing in the world to me, but that doesn't mean the rest of the World stops for them.

Are you saying your children are an inconvenience to you if you have to miss one day of your hobby for such an important day to them?

No, I've not said that anywhere. Not sure why you are making things up.
However, no-one in our family expect the world to stop for them. We all make arrangements when it is most convenient for the most people (of the people you want there).

One of the first days I book annual leave for every year is my DD birthday so I can spend it with her
I don't know if your dc are school age? If so, you must be in a pretty unusual job to have enough AL to cover the school holiday, any sickness they have, Training days and add birthdays on to that. Do you still book the day off when they are in school all day ?

I want her to know that she is important to me and I want to spend her special day with her.
Trust me, my dc know they are my world. They also know that I have responsibilities to work, and in my volunteering, but that we will ALWAYS spend time together to celebrate their birthdays (and mine), and, when they were younger, also again, separately, with their schoolfriends.

However on a separate note you can’t put work and a hobby in the same box of equal importance

Well, some people do have responsibilities and commitments in their volunteering and hobby roles, which doesn't seem to have occurred to you.

Some great posts by @NotAMug

Do you have commitments on the Sunday?
If not just do the Sunday
You are both free Sunday. you are not both free on Saturday

If it was a special birthday, say a relatives 100th would people still say the DH’s football came first?

Its a very young child's birthday and the parents get to decide when the birthday outing is so that's totally irrelevant. If an event has been arranged by someone else then they should go if they want. No one has said he shouldn’t miss it for one off events. This is a day at a theme park that they can do at any time

You're comparing two different scenarios.

@cinnamonfrenchtoast I suppose I am trying to find out at what point some posters who say you shouldn't cancel football because that is more important commitment than your child’s birthday, would say it would be okay to cancel the football. In our house, if the football isn’t much more than a casual kick about then a young child’s birthday would be a priority, and DH would have booked it off ages ago. It’s not like you are going to have to cancel many Saturdays for DC’s birthdays unless you have your own football team of DC

That's a completely different scenario as that is something that is on a set day, arranged by someone else, that you have been invited to. You don't have the option to say, "no we'll come on the Sundays instead" you have a 2 way choice of accepting or not. In the OP's situation, the day out can just as easily be arranged on either day, so the choice is "Shall we arrange it on a day both of us can do" or "Shall we arrange it on a day only one of us can do, unless we let down other people and also disappoint one of the only 2 adults who are going". Then it become s pretty simple decision in my book - just go on the day you are both free.

if the football isn’t much more than a casual kick about

It is though. He isn't going down the park to kick a ball about with his brother or a mate, he plays for a team. He is a member of that team. He has committed to be a member of that team. I'm not sure why there are posters that find the concept of being part of a team so difficult to understand.