Children's party, lunch etiquette

[FisherThem]

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

Yes soft play party etiquette is the food is for kids, adults always encouraged to any leftover nibbles though!

And yes jam sandwiches are a thing!

Some harsh replies.

I don’t buy jam, so wouldn’t use it as a sandwich filler or on toast either.

Seems to be standard party fare though, ham, cheese or jam.

I found out pretty quickly that a cuppa at a village hall party wasn’t always a given, so always take a coffee myself nowadays. Take your own snacks. You might get lucky and your DC might leave you a party ring to scoff 😂

It might not have been near you, but I am the same age and can clearly recall attending soft play parties at the local leisure centre. Though in those days it was a massive room filled with large foam playshapes for clambering on and jumping off. All the parents sat on chairs lined on the perimeter of the room, and the party food afterwards was triangle sandwiches, tangerines, a few bowls of crisps and jelly and ice cream.

FYI, it’s a jam piece.

Let's be honest here... even if we do remember going to birthday parties when we were preschool/infant school age... can any of us remember what parents did at those parties?

I'm 48 and we didn't have soft play parties when I was little but I never went to a birthday party that wasn't drop and run so adults were definitely not catered for. I went to one McDonald's party and that branch had just opened - first one in the area.

Yes - left us there and collected us when it finished.

Same here. Parents never stayed at parties when I was growing up.

There is no way my parents would have left me in some random parent's care age 4. Plus, no-one is going to want to look after 20-30 4-5 year olds who might still need help with the toilet.

Drop off and run age 6/7 onwards, yes of course. I only remember house parties when I was little, then Wimpy for fewer kids when I was maybe 7-10.

I’m only a couple of years younger than you. There were soft plays when I was a kids but not as many as there are now.

I don’t think this is soft play specific - even with parties at home I think it’s normal not to cater for parents (perhaps some coffee and the odd sausage roll or whatever, but not a full lunch by any means)

Totally agree. Some of the nastiness on here is shocking.

You wouldn’t time it 12:30-2:30 at home if not catering for parents though, would you?

Some of the nastiness on here is shocking.

Nobody has been nasty

They're just (understandably) surprised that someone who grew up in the UK has never heard of a jam sandwich

Fair enough if you don't eat them yourself or even like them, but they're a pretty normal picnic item - it's a bit like saying you've never heard of a sausage roll!

I'm about a year ahead of you on the kids' party circuit OP. The only thing I've learnt is that there is no normal for these things - whole class, three kids, just boys, just girls, food, no food, some food, weird food, party bags, no party bags, entertainment, hall to run around in, nothing...

I understand your questions because I feel I do kids' parties well as a host - I invite a smaller number of kids so that my children can have what seems to me to be a better experience of spending time with the people they actually like, and our budget stretches to better food, and food and drink for the parents, because there aren't 30-40 people to plan for. But the kids - who the experience is for, after all - genuinely don't seem to care if it's three people and a slice of cake in someone's front room or two hours fully catered in a trampolining centre. So I try to remove my expectations and just let my kids enjoy it as it is. Very few people will be adversely affected by 2h without food.

Even in my experience of catering for parents at home or a village hall, none of the adult food is eaten. Literally, people won't touch it and it always went to waste. I tried for a few years and then gave up. I offer tea/coffee and parents can nibble at leftovers, but soft play, anywhere outside the house or village hall, yes, they buy their own.

I disagree that posters are being nasty. I think that many are just a bit bemused.

Personally, while I wouldn't call your posts 'nasty', OP, as I don't think that word fits (or reflects the intention behind them), you do come across as a bit oblivious. Parties are expensive and people in this country tend to live in relatively small houses so don't necessarily have the option to host at home. An adult lunch plus a drink in a soft play is probably going to be at least £10, if not more. And we're in the middle of a cost of living crisis. So criticising people after they've spent a lot on a fun party for your child and others does come across as a bit crass.

Depends - most parties I go to, they give the parents a cup of tea and a biscuit type thing. Then my friend hosted a soft play thing (1-3 so lunchtimeish), did a full spread and Prosecco for the parents and none of them touched it!

Bloody hell. I never said I expected that I should be catered for. I was asking for the etiquette so I know what to expect!

And who knew jam sandwiches were so emotive? Still sound revolting to me....

Gentleman's relish anyone??!

(Tongue in cheek for those lacking a sense of humour)

Oh dear, you are getting some nasty responses here OP! I am not from the UK (although I leave here for 20 years). In my country, jam sandwiches are not a thing and parents are catered for if they are expected to stay. I appreciate the UK is different, but there may be regional differences within the UK as well. Tbh, I have two kids in early and late primary and have rarely come across jam sandwiches in real life. My eldest was given jam sandwiches at a scout centre she went with school this year and she found it strange, so she didn't really know that it was a thing either. I have been in parties where parents were catered for, hosted by both UK and non-UK parents, but I think the norm here is that parents are not catered for. If I had a party from 12:30-1430, I would personally provide some refreshments for the parents. Or otherwise, I would have the party before or after lunch time.

Thank you M103. I'll invite you to my party if I can come to yours too!

Normal at my DCs school to provide a few snacks for adults (breadsticks, hummus, olives, crisps etc) and tea/ coffee and drinks (often but not always including beer/ Prosecco). It is an affluent private school however. Not a ‘proper lunch’ with sandwiches etc though.

One party over lunchtime recently they only provided birthday cake - no lunch for the DC! That WAS annoying

In terms of jam, normal to offer but only in addition to cheese/ ham/ cucumber etc in my experience. And less frequently than in my childhood when honey or marmite sandwiches were also commonly served

Absolutely not required to feed or water parents. If it's in a soft play you are free to go and buy your own drink, I've lost count of the amount of parties I've taken my children to and never would I expect a parent to provide me with anything when they are paying for my child/children

We are having a soft play party for my daughter’s 4th birthday on Sunday- each child is £12.50 each, party bag (I’ve done really cheap with discount codes etc) £1.50 each, plus cake £14 (also got dairy and milk free cakes -£3 for one child). My child invited 20 children. It all adds up.

The soft play place does adult platters at £40 each!

We will not be getting drinks for adult, each child is approx £14 a head- parents are getting 2 hours of ‘free time’, that’s enough!