Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's party, lunch etiquette

340 replies

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 08:32

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 09/08/2023 23:23

On the basis that you can't take food or drink into a softplay centre - and would have to therefore pay c£15 a head for the kids to go and c£3 for a drink per adult, £5/£10 for food, I am very doubtful that people have ever stumped up for this!

OP if it's in a hall sometimes you are offered coffee tea a snack cake etc. In all my years have never had a meal - occasionally a flush parent will get a coffee for parents at a paying venue but it's always best to assume you need to eat first.

HauntedPencil · 09/08/2023 23:25

readyornot22 · 09/08/2023 22:59

I would expect a level of hospitality to be honest. If you are expected to stay it should be a bit more social. Don’t these people want to be friendly?

You expect them to pay for your food and drinks in a venue like a softplay? Really though?

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 09/08/2023 23:37

Mine are older now but there were a few parties they were invited to where parent refreshments were provided and it was a nice touch.

However if they weren't then I would just go get myself a coffee and not even give it a second thought.

Bit of a non issue to be honest.

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 04:42

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:53

Literally never heard of this before today

Show quote history

Me neither.

I did know that her (silk) underwear was washed in freshly squeezed lemon juice though.

Iwant2stayanon · 10/08/2023 04:58

Yes totally unreasonable, it’s a party for the kids not the adults.

VashtaNerada · 10/08/2023 05:08

This must have changed recently. My DC are secondary age but when they had soft play parties I always had a pizza / sandwich platter for the adults off to one side. It seemed fairly common at parties I attended as well. Interesting that it’s no longer the done thing, cost of living related maybe?

floribunda18 · 10/08/2023 05:38

Mine are secondary age and we never had that at soft play. Have been offered drinks and left over food but never catered for specifically.

inappropriateraspberry · 10/08/2023 06:53

OP's original post asked about refreshments, not a full blown meal! I think it's polite to offer a drink to the adults, if party is at a venue.
If at home or a hall and catering yourself, it's nice to have some crisps and nibbles to offer the parents. We actually did scones once - they went down very well!

HauntedPencil · 10/08/2023 06:59

She did mention lunch and say she hadn't eaten. The issue is, yes nibbles are nice but you can't take your own food to a lot of these places so you do need to go with an expectation that you in all probability aren't being fed.

H007 · 10/08/2023 07:21

Unless your named on the invite YABU, if at a child’s party there are refreshments for the adults that’s a bonus.

Uklady23 · 10/08/2023 07:39

If the party is at home I would expect refreshments for everybody. If the party is in a softplay then generally only children.

I am in a fortunate position when I have had a children's party I have put a tab on the counter for parents so I pay for refreshments but I have only ever been to one other party where this was an option.

Elsie296 · 10/08/2023 08:14

I’ve skipped through a few posts so am sure it’s already covered but, as a general rule, If I am hosting at home or a village hall I generally provide drinks and biscuits /cakes- maybe samosas etc. At a more commercial place like soft play or swimming I’d expect parents would buy their own xx

Catlover77 · 10/08/2023 08:22

I’ve never seen jam sandwiches offered at a party and certainly would not serve them. We had them at home in the 70s but that’s because they were cheap.

JusthereforXmas · 10/08/2023 09:30

Merryoldgoat · 09/08/2023 19:01

@JusthereforXmas

The soft play near me that does parties let’s you do the catering if you have it for exclusive hire.

I used to do the kids party food and provide sandwich platters, crisps and fruit for the adults too and a tab for drinks.

I can’t imagine hosting something where parents are expected to stay and not provide refreshments for them.

Well either you have a very bizarre soft play who are working as a charity or still have more money than sense because exclusive hire is insanely expensive.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 09:43

JusthereforXmas · 10/08/2023 09:30

Well either you have a very bizarre soft play who are working as a charity or still have more money than sense because exclusive hire is insanely expensive.

Show quote history

Maybe I just have more money than you 🤷🏾‍♀️

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 09:45

inappropriateraspberry · 10/08/2023 06:53

OP's original post asked about refreshments, not a full blown meal! I think it's polite to offer a drink to the adults, if party is at a venue.
If at home or a hall and catering yourself, it's nice to have some crisps and nibbles to offer the parents. We actually did scones once - they went down very well!

That’s a great idea! Next time I’ll do scones for sure👌🏾

UndercoverCop · 10/08/2023 09:50

Soft play parties are usually either sandwiches Jam, ham, cheese, with some sausage rolls, cucumber/carrot sticks and something like quavers in bowls or hot food which is usually the cheapest nastiest deep fried offering you can imagine, I've seen almost luminous fish fingers for example. I'd rather jam sandwiches to that! . Then usually ice cream in little tubs, cake sliced to take home in party bags. No food for adults.

DS is having a hall party this year, bouncy castle, magician, we'll cater it from Costco so there will be plenty for parents too

Wakintoblueskies · 10/08/2023 10:32

UndercoverCop
Not in any of the soft play centres I’ve ever been to (which unfortunately has been loads!).
Standard food is hot - chicken nuggets/margarita pizza/sausage and chips. Followed by birthday cake. That’s it.
The kids are served by soft play staff in a room called a ‘party room’ which is one long table with benches either side.

JusthereforXmas · 10/08/2023 10:40

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 09:43

Maybe I just have more money than you 🤷🏾‍♀️

Show quote history

Well if you are rich then they cannot tell poor people they are rude for not having as much money as you and not paying for your food/drinks... privilage does not make you 'better than' or 'entitled to'.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 11:11

@JusthereforXmas

I haven’t told anyone they’re rude for not catering for parents.

I’ve said that I do and that for me it’s part of hosting.

I’ve refuted that ‘no one’ caters for parents because I do as do several of my friends so that’s clearly not the case.

You have made judgements about me having more money than sense rather than asking how much I spent.

You are the one who’s made assumptions, not me. I’ve stated facts - I cater for parents and consider it part of hosting if I expect parents to say.

HauntedPencil · 10/08/2023 11:17

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 11:11

@JusthereforXmas

I haven’t told anyone they’re rude for not catering for parents.

I’ve said that I do and that for me it’s part of hosting.

I’ve refuted that ‘no one’ caters for parents because I do as do several of my friends so that’s clearly not the case.

You have made judgements about me having more money than sense rather than asking how much I spent.

You are the one who’s made assumptions, not me. I’ve stated facts - I cater for parents and consider it part of hosting if I expect parents to say.

"Maybe I have more money than you" nice!!

Maybe that's it, maybe you do. Big clap for you.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 11:20

That’s in response to ‘more money than sense’ comment which I think is rude given I’ve not been rude to anyone.

HauntedPencil · 10/08/2023 11:22

Why are people being so silly? It's perfectly normal usual and acceptable at an event party where you cannot take food in to not cater for x kids and god knows how many parents - the parties are expensive everyone knows that: if anyone wants to buy coffees or snacks then fill your boots

In a hall yes I've usually had a coffee and if no special food there's always plenty about.

Dear me.

Z1hun · 10/08/2023 11:50

I think it's unreasonable for you to assume but when a party is over lunch it's common decency to put on some food. At least that's what I would do.

You could also ask prior to the party if you will need to eat beforehand x

JusthereforXmas · 10/08/2023 11:56

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2023 11:11

@JusthereforXmas

I haven’t told anyone they’re rude for not catering for parents.

I’ve said that I do and that for me it’s part of hosting.

I’ve refuted that ‘no one’ caters for parents because I do as do several of my friends so that’s clearly not the case.

You have made judgements about me having more money than sense rather than asking how much I spent.

You are the one who’s made assumptions, not me. I’ve stated facts - I cater for parents and consider it part of hosting if I expect parents to say.

You say 'its part of hosting'... NO its not, you are not stating facts you are spouting shit this thread backs that up too.

Being rich enough to be able to flash the cash and do unnessacery add on is in NO way a part of hosting and does not make you better than the rest, it makes the the very small minority that has good circumstances and money to burn.