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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's party, lunch etiquette

340 replies

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 08:32

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

OP posts:
swimminginthesun · 08/08/2023 09:08

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 09:03

I'm really surprised at all these people saying they've never heard of a jam sandwich 😂

What do they think jam is for??! 😂😂

MiddleParking · 08/08/2023 09:08

The combination of never having heard of jam sandwiches and “for warned if for armed” is cracking me up Grin are you a Martian OP?

inappropriateraspberry · 08/08/2023 09:08

If I was hosting I would offer a drink to parents. Buy them all a coffee. But not food.
Usually parents finish off what's left after the children have eaten.

LunchEtiquette · 08/08/2023 09:10

I'm with you OP I was really surprised the first time! But I'm not from the UK and where I am from it is all about the food, so it would be strange not to feed everyone.

I tend to just host birthdays at home and make sure to provide food for the adults too but I always find the parents are too polite to eat, so I guess it is deeply ingrained into them that parents don't eat at kids parties!

Positive41 · 08/08/2023 09:11

My kids will always choose jam sandwiches over other fillings, so I would be happy to see them offered.

Parents generally buy their own drinks, but if the parents can afford it its a nice thing to do.

Original poster
FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:12

whytherain - how rude. Did I say anything to the host? No. Did I stop my DD? No. I came in here to ask the norm.

OP posts:
HalloumiLuvver · 08/08/2023 09:12

Whinge · 08/08/2023 08:54

the host said 'lunch included' if they'd said 'kids' lunch included, adult snacks available from the cafe' then fine

But most people don't need it to be explained like this. Lunch included is clearly referring to the children, as they're the ones who have been invited.

Agree, this seems so obvious to anyone with experience of standard U.K. parties, both as a kid and as a parent.

BarbaraV · 08/08/2023 09:12

Never heard of a jam sandwich!

Also if you can't afford lunch at the soft play for one, it must help you understand that it's very normal for the party hosts to be unable to afford lunch for who ever decides to stay.

At least you'll know if your DC gets invited again.

Original poster
FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:13

What is jam for??!!

Scones of course.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 08/08/2023 09:13

I'm really surprised to read you grew up in the UK and yet don't seem to understand basic party norms or have heard of a jam sandwich?? Where on earth did you live that this wasn't a totally normal sandwich filling?

inappropriateraspberry · 08/08/2023 09:13

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:13

What is jam for??!!

Scones of course.

It's for toast, sandwiches and sponge cakes!

JaniceBattersby · 08/08/2023 09:15

‘Never heard of a jam sandwich’ is peak MN. Fuck me 🤣

Absolute staple in this house. And, dear reader, I do not make my own jam.

Sprogonthetyne · 08/08/2023 09:15

The parents pick at the leftovers, but don't generally get fed. If it's a whole class party, adding 30+ adult meals on to the softplay bill would be £100's.

I haven't personally served jam sandwiches, but wouldn't be that surprised. Maybe birthday child likes them and request it. Or maybe there's a combination of dietary requirements (vegetarian/ allergies etc) and jam was the only thing they could think off that everyone could eat.

Original poster
FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:16

No jam sandwiches in my childhood. Parties were more cheese squares stick on cocktail sticks in grapefruits and bowls of twiglets in my youth!

And yes, sponge cakes, tarts and toast are reasonable recipients of jam.

OP posts:
HalloumiLuvver · 08/08/2023 09:17

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:13

What is jam for??!!

Scones of course.

Oh I get it. Having a wee classist dig now at the common folk who don't provide lunch and eat jam in sandwiches. So you're a snob not an alien. Nice.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 09:18

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:16

No jam sandwiches in my childhood. Parties were more cheese squares stick on cocktail sticks in grapefruits and bowls of twiglets in my youth!

And yes, sponge cakes, tarts and toast are reasonable recipients of jam.

What's the difference between jam on toast and a jam sandwich? 🙈

BeverleyMacker · 08/08/2023 09:18

We've done soft play parties and I've packed biscuits,cupcakes and a few tubs of Pringles for the parents. They've always been gratefully received.

fireflyloo · 08/08/2023 09:18

I wouldn't expect to be fed. Maybe a cup of tea/ coffee would be nice but if it's soft play and they have a cafe I'd get my own food.

Zanatdy · 08/08/2023 09:19

Soft play party I’ve never had anything for parents, as the soft play provide the food and you pay per child. Most soft play has refreshments and I’d expect (and have) parents to buy their own food. If I was hosting a party at a community centre then I always provided refreshments for parents, but soft play aren’t going to provide food for parents no

YourNameGoesHere · 08/08/2023 09:19

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:16

No jam sandwiches in my childhood. Parties were more cheese squares stick on cocktail sticks in grapefruits and bowls of twiglets in my youth!

And yes, sponge cakes, tarts and toast are reasonable recipients of jam.

How is jam on toasted bread normal to you but jam on non toasted bread some weird abomination???

LolaSmiles · 08/08/2023 09:20

Soft play or party venue parties I'd never expect food for adults.

The only parties we go to where there's food for adults are parties where most of the adults also know each other and they're in a hall/house.

We tend to cater our own food at parties so we can offer tea/coffee for parents because I appreciate the option of a hot drink when I'm at a party. That's the norm with people I'm friends with, as opposed to whole class style parties.

BakedTattie · 08/08/2023 09:21

This is the most bizarre thread ever.

ZickZack · 08/08/2023 09:22

I'd have eaten lunch beforehand and then bought myself a coffee whilst there. I wouldn't expect food at a children's soft play party.

Original poster
FisherThem · 08/08/2023 09:25

And as I've said, that's why I asked, so I know the form for the future.

To me sandwiches are savoury so jam is a surprise and rightly belongs on sweet foods. I know there no logic, just 44 years of life experience.

Some of you need to learn when some comments are a tad tongue in cheek....

OP posts:
ClairDeLaLune · 08/08/2023 09:26

Totally unreasonable. It’s a party for kids not adults. Imagine the cost of feeding 30 adults as well!

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