Children's party, lunch etiquette

[FisherThem]

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

I'm really surprised you went with the expectation that you would have a meal provided so didn't gave lunch.

For a party it’s pretty normal. Cheap and most kids eat it. Most party food is garbage especially in packages at soft play.

Jam sandwiches are a very normal occurrence around here. The choices are usually jam, cheese or ham with cheese and jam being the most liked by the children.

It's one small meal in their life - you would honestly stop your child at a birthday party eating the provided jam sandwich?

Yep. All three very normal. It would be unusual for jam to be the only option.

It's a party. If you don't want your child to eat party food, decline invitations.

Personally I cater for adults as well but I seem to be in the minority here, although I’m not amongst my friends.

When I had a soft play party I had a tab at the food kiosk for coffee and tea and provided sandwich platters and crisps and fruit for the adults in addition to the kids’ meals and cake.

Chill out KateyCuckoo, if it's the norm that's fine. I'd expect a bit of communication so when the host said 'lunch included' if they'd said 'kids' lunch included, adult snacks available from the cafe' then fine. Just helps with planning. It was a busy day and I had to go in somewhere else so didn't get a chance to eat.

As for jam, ok. I've never eaten, offered or been offered a jam sandwich and had no idea they were a thing!

"Healthy" party food mostly gets left.

And jam sandwiches have the advantage of catering for most dietary requirements, including vegetarian, vegan, dairy intolerance and coeliac (with gf bread).

The point of a party is not to provide the kids with a balanced diet for those two hours!

In all my years of kids parties I only encountered jam as the only option once... usually it was cheese/jam/ham (jam is vegetarian and maybe vegan?)

Tea/coffee provided for parents if it was a house/hall .. otherwise use cafes in soft play etc.

Only actual catering for patents was from DD1s millionaire classmate parents when it was a proper 3 course meal with wine! 😂WWe Were new to the school and no one had warned me so it was a shock.

You’ve no idea jam sandwiches are a thing?!?

Did you grow up in the UK? I don't think anyone explicitly states kids lunches included as it's just the norm, after all the invite is for them not you.

Also jam sandwiches have been around for, forever I'm really surprised you've not come across them before now.

the host said 'lunch included' if they'd said 'kids' lunch included, adult snacks available from the cafe' then fine

But most people don't need it to be explained like this. Lunch included is clearly referring to the children, as they're the ones who have been invited.

Jam sandwiches are great at parties as even the fussiest kid will usually eat them.

I don’t think parties are the time to be concerned about healthy food.

Ha DD1 loves a jam sandwich at a party! A lot of soft play parties do lunchboxes for the kids so there's no adult food, that's totally normal. If it's a buffet sometimes parents can pick off any leftovers once the kids have hared off back into the soft play if you like chicken nuggets and cold pizza. But yes, eat before you go or buy something when you're there.

Your child is invited, not you so no, you shouldn't expect anything.

I'd never attend a kids party expecting either me or my child to come away well fed!

It's really nice when your kids are included in invite lists, I'd focus on that.

All good to know. Not been to a soft play party before, but now I know! All other parties have been in halls/houses and parents have been catered for. For warned if for armed!

And yes, mainly grew up in the UK and have not previously come across jam sandwiches. I see that too is normal. You live and learn!

My kids don’t like jam so wouldn’t eat jam sandwiches.
I’ve never been to a party where jam is the only option, usually cheese, ham and/or jam.

YABU and like PP had said, I expect your invites will dry up quickly. Of course the parents don't need to state that only children's food is included, that is the assumption as they are the one being invited. Anything else is a benefit and should not be expected. It isn't the party organisers fault that you claim you can't afford to pay for your own snack from the venue

Standard sandwich offering at every kids party I've taken DC to is ham, cheese or jam. I guess it's a good vegan/dairy free option? Generally the ham and cheese ones get eaten first though!

Once at a soft play party I went to, the host parents started a tab for parent coffees, but I've never seen that happen since. And I've never ever had lunch for me at a kids party

Did I say that? I was just commenting on it being a “normal sandwich”. I’ve never seen it at a kids party or elsewhere for that matter!

I'm really surprised at all these people saying they've never heard of a jam sandwich 😂

Yes, you were very unreasonable. A whole class party at a soft play would already cost a fortune and you expect the host to provide a meal for all the adults as well?! The invitation was (I assume) for your child, not for your child plus parent.

We don’t do whole class parties so will usually offer to buy parents a drink once the kids are off playing (friends tend to do the same) but I would think twice if we had 30 odd guests as even just a hot drink would be a significant cost on top of an already expensive party.

As for the jam sandwich - they aren’t often on menus here. The choice is usually ham or cheese. Wouldn’t bother me though. I would expect party food to be mostly junk with some token fruit or veg sticks that everyone knows are just for show!

You've never heard of a jam sandwich? That's... incredible. They're great for parties, given that lots of people don't eat ham (veggie/processed), some don't eat dairy so cheese is out, and all children love jam. Safe bet.