Children's party, lunch etiquette

[FisherThem]

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

@spitefulandbadgrammar Remeber the skit with Paddington? She told him that she liked jam sandwiches when he had a marmalade one.

Yes, you are being totally unreasonable

Until I took my kids to parties and saw it as an option I’d never come across this as a thing beyond Paddington Bear having marmalade sandwiches. I don’t think it’s weird (jam with toast is massively common and you always get it with breakfast) but I wasn’t aware people made sandwiches with it. It stood out as an oddity for Paddington. I also didn’t realise gravy granules were still a thing until recently when a colleague mentioned them. I was aware they existed but thought they were one of those 80s things like microwave dinners (you know the ones with different compartments for each part of the meal) that had been a fad

Yes you are unreasonable... You are not the guest your child is.

You're suppose to buy your own refreshments, been like that in the whole 15 years I have been hosting and attending kids parties.

Child invited to party. Tick
Child given lunch. Tick
Party at soft play and paid for. Tick
Two hour break for parent. Tick
Opportunity to meet some other mums. Tick
Opportunity to have a quiet break - mnet, work calls, read, etc. Tick
Opportunity to potentially pop to some nearby shops or have a wee in peace. Tick

All those pluses and an expectation of hospitality for the adults and questioning the nutritional value of the party food. Party food is colourful, sugary and generally processed - sometimes with some red and green added in the form of strawberries and halved grapes. It is a treat and fine because most children get plenty of fruit, veg, calcium and protein the rest of the time.

it's also customary to take a card and a present

Your not that much older than me and only a few years older than DH and BIL... they where a thing when we where kids.

Granted they use to be called Creche not 'soft play' and weren't always that safe or 'soft' (I got badly injured a few times as there was no parental supervision and seemingly no set safety guideline, I once fell off a padded climbing frame 'between' the soft mats and face planted on the concrete below) but they definitely existed.

Honestly, I think it’s a thing mostly as an alternative to ham or cheese sandwiches — an option for children who don’t eat pork products or dairy.

I will say again, if you haven't been before, how do you know? Now I do. And consider myself educated in many ways.

As my not knowing what the Queen had for tea. Mea culpa. I'm afraid I was never invited.

And I've just Googled fairy bread. That's an eye opener too!

Not that well-known if you have to tell people to google it, pal

I used to bring cake/flapjack and sausage rolls/ cheesy muffins for parents to snack on at soft play parties and buy them a hot drink.

Most parents here did the same!

Neither was I, It's a famously known fact about the queen. Which is why it's so surprising you claimed to know nothing about jam sandwiches. It's not just for the working class you know. You come across so so snobby.

Google it is what I say when people know they are wrong but sticking to their story anyway.

most soft play parties offer jam sandwiches - a easy option that avoids allergies and religious exemptions (which cheese and ham the other two options do not) although you do often see all 3. Neither do they offer parent food but often have a cafe open

jam sandwiches have been around since Victorian times so not new.

op I imagine you will get invited to more soft play parties even at the same place and it will all be the same

Yes, it’s unreasonable to expect that the host would cater for the parents too. It’s a children’s party.

They’re not wrong though.
I just Googled ‘jam queen’ and these are the very first things

It’s what you say to someone who doesn’t have knowledge of something widely known and doesn’t trust your knowledge.

Completely unreasonable. If the party was in my home, I’d provide refreshments & perhaps nibbles for the adults but at a soft play adults / parents buy their own drinks & snacks. I’ve already paid £14.95 or similar for each child!!

I’m going to suggest that it’s quite possible never to have read what sandwiches the Queen ate. In the vast sphere of human knowledge, it’s a tiny quirky fact. Given that there are regularly threads on here in which people share massive basic misunderstandings about the world (eg a lion is male and a tiger female), not knowing what the Queen liked eating for tea is a fairly niche omission.

I am well aware of jam sandwiches as a concept (apparently I lived off them for about six months as a child before I can remember) but had no idea I shared so much with the homelife of our own dear Queen.

At a venue like soft play, etc where the food is usually provided by the venue I wouldn't expect adults to be catered for. There is normally a cafe area to get your own drinks/food though.

At a whole class, stay with them type party in a church hall, etc where parents are making food - it's nice is there are some refreshments for parents, but doesn't always happen.

Jam (or sometimes a chocolate spread) is perfectly acceptable to be one of the sandwich offerings.

It's rare there is only one option though ime. You normally also have something like cheese, egg and maybe a meat option alongside them.

The occasional jam sandwich isn't a bad thing imo.
Not all children like jam though, same as any other filling,

Is it?? Jam sandwiches are utter garbage. Even in the 90s school wouldn’t have let you have them for lunch.

But they were very much the norm in 80s and 90s birthday parties.

Growing up in the 70s there were SUGAR sandwiches 😆
Some parents now would lose their mind at the 70s-80s birthday party platters were!

How can I be wrong about not knowing something? It’s literally my brain, I know what’s in it. I’m not saying you’re wrong that the Queen enjoyed a jam sandwich; I’m refuting that it’s a famous, well-known fact with which we’re all acquainted. God I wish I could quit this infernal website and not spend my days arguing over the Queen’s apparently notorious predilection for cheap horrible sandwiches but it’s an addiction.

Ha ha! Yes, been there, done that.

Always used to spend a while cutting up little sticks of carrots, celery, cucumber and the likes to serve with little dips. Always the last thing to go and usually by the parents. The children just wanted the sweets and crisps at the parties generally, even those who normally eat a much healthier diet.

We have 'parties' at school - generally 2-3 times a year at most. Parents bring stuff in. Yes - those lovely salad bowls, carefully cut fruit and veggies - us staff like them :)
The kids just opt for the crisps, sweets, cakes and things like mini sausages/sausage rolls And veggie equivalents.)
We don't tell the parents their lovingly home produced healthy options haven't all gone, we aren't that mean.

TBH, I don't think many adults eat jam sandwiches!

I am quite craving one now after reading this thread 😆
Can't remember last time I did have a jam sandwich - probably when at a child's birthday party when dd was little perhaps.
Might have to try a slice later!

You are not allowed to do this anymore, haven’t been for some time. The only food you can take is the birthday cake.

I guess it does work as an inclusive option.

Not everyone feels comfortable voicing their needs, having options available without asking is lovely.