Page 10 | Children's party, lunch etiquette

FisherThem · 2023-08-08T07:32:10+00:00

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included. Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

Mothership4two · 09/08/2023 02:39

Not normal to cater for parents at soft play parties, but we used to offer a hot drink to those that stayed. I think we got a voucher for cheaper hot drinks, but it's 10+ years ago now so cannot quite remember what the voucher was for - something like that. Prices are probably a lot more expensive now.

Jam sandwiches are probably provided for the fussy eaters.

Brightandshining · 09/08/2023 02:54

I've been to loads of softplay parties and at only one were adults provided drinks... and I was very surprised and impressed by that! Its definitely not the norm. Although if there's kids food left over the hosts usually let the parents eat it lmao.. so if u can stomach mauled jam sandwiches you're in luck

Imisssleep2 · 09/08/2023 04:06

I would never expect for and refreshments as an adult at a kids party, some parents can't afford that as well. It's a bonus if there is but don't be annoyed if there isn't

Clafoutie · 09/08/2023 04:11

inappropriateraspberry · 08/08/2023 22:19

@Clafoutie I'm sure there are loads of things that many people aren't aware of. Pasta with ketchup, cheese and beetroot or cheese and marmite. Plus non food things - how you make your bed, or wipe your bum!
Just because some people have heard of something or do it a certain way, doesn't mean everyone does. I'm amazed at how unaware so many are of lots of things - food, culture, other countries... Not everyone takes in these things or pays attention.

You are right, and I did not mean to be rude about the OP not knowing.

user1492757084 · 09/08/2023 04:40

Party food is not neccessily healthy but usually things that children love to eat.

Jam sandwiches, fairy bread, honey sandwiches, sausage rolls, cup cakes, pikelets and jam, cheese, crisps, cake etc..
It's sometimes food.

Cooperpops · 09/08/2023 05:16

Hey! Totally normal just to cater for the kiddies, and yes jam sandwiches are quite common. More popular in the ‘olden days’ as they were very cheap to make and an instant hit with kids. Loved a Jam sandwich when I was small :) xx

Wemetatascoutcamp · 09/08/2023 07:11

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 08:41

Thanks for the info. Good to know for the future!

Secondary qu. Is it normal for the sandwiches offered to be jam?

To be honest although not the most nutritious, from a catering point of view jam covers a lot of bases- its vegetarian, vegan, lactose intolerant, and halal friendly etc etc! Its also something that the majority will eat so the soft play doesn’t have many leftovers and can sit out without going dry or sweaty as cheese or ham does. It was my brothers staple as a child for packed lunch because he didn’t like cheese and stopped eating meat when he learnt where it came from- probably wouldn’t be allowed now in school though.

On a side note if you think jam sandwiches are bad google fairy bread- an Australian party food favourite!

Original poster

FisherThem · 09/08/2023 07:17

God there are some amazingly blinkered assumptions here. So many people saying "How could you not know you ignorant fool!" or the like. No I didn't - and that's why I asked on here - a forum that includes more experienced parents rather than saying anything to the kind and hospitable host. So shoot me.

And as for jam sandwiches (phewee!) - can you not comprehend that people have had differing experiences growing up and what's run of the mill to you isn't to someone else? That's pretty blind.

For the record, you don't know my circumstances (recent loss of business means watching every penny hence taking care not to spend money needlessly); I do not EXPECT to be fed and wanted to know the ETIQUETTE for the future.

Thanks to the minority of people who politely set me straight and gave me good reasons for social norms at kids parties. Just a shame it really was the minority.

Who knew this was such a minefield.

OP posts:

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 07:57

You sound very snobby. Interesting fact the queen had a jam sandwich every day of her life. They where round and called jam pennies. Surely if it's good enough for royalty it's good enough for you. Surely you carnt get to 44 and never heard of him sandwiches.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:08

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 08/08/2023 23:09

It's not about the jam sandwiches, it's about how little understanding of a basic custom and very routine food someone growing up in this country has. You can predict she knows as little of things that do matter. She also comes across as quite intolerant and arrogant.
How does she or you and your child manage to isolate yourselves so much to not learn such commonplace things? It would take quite a bit of effort and looking down on where you live to dissociate so much.

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That’s quite a leap from the two questions OP has asked, isn’t it? She’s not been to a whole class soft play party before. All the parties she’s been to have catered for adults, it’s not a wild extrapolation to have assumed all parties therefore cater for adults. Plus she, like many parents of small children, will have had a couple of years of zero parties thanks to Covid.

I’m sure I must have had jam sandwiches at parties when I was a kid but I really only remember the crisps. It’s not something I thought of serving up when I could finally throw DD a party for her third birthday (first two were in lockdowns), and I catered for the adults at that party. We only attended our first soft play parties this year and they weren’t at lunchtime, invitations did state that there was a pay cafe for parents to grab a drink or snack – communication, as the OP is asking for. These were also my first exposure to jam sandwiches in the wild, though I’d read about them on MN party threads when prepping our party. Incidentally, there is a village hall soft play near us and when parties are thrown there, people do tend to cater for the parents too. 🤷‍♀️

HeadChog · 09/08/2023 08:10

OP Ive no idea why you're getting such a hard time here.

I once catered for parents who were staying at a party at my house. I did cheese / ham sandwiches for the children and smoked salmon for the adults. Soon the children cottoned on to the wonders of smoked salmon, so the adults ended up with the ham! And my DD requested smoked salmon at every party we've thrown since.

NB: This was 10 years ago when smoked salmon trimmings were relatively cheap (lest I be accused of snobbery or, that most horrific of Mumsnet crimes, being rich).

JenWillsiam · 09/08/2023 08:18

FisherThem · 09/08/2023 07:17

God there are some amazingly blinkered assumptions here. So many people saying "How could you not know you ignorant fool!" or the like. No I didn't - and that's why I asked on here - a forum that includes more experienced parents rather than saying anything to the kind and hospitable host. So shoot me.

And as for jam sandwiches (phewee!) - can you not comprehend that people have had differing experiences growing up and what's run of the mill to you isn't to someone else? That's pretty blind.

For the record, you don't know my circumstances (recent loss of business means watching every penny hence taking care not to spend money needlessly); I do not EXPECT to be fed and wanted to know the ETIQUETTE for the future.

Thanks to the minority of people who politely set me straight and gave me good reasons for social norms at kids parties. Just a shame it really was the minority.

Who knew this was such a minefield.

er you did expect it 😂😂

Batalax · 09/08/2023 08:19

This will blow your mind op 😀

Some people like to eat banana sandwiches!

Not me. I don’t like jam or banana sandwiches.

ThanksItHasPockets · 09/08/2023 08:23

FisherThem · 09/08/2023 07:17

God there are some amazingly blinkered assumptions here. So many people saying "How could you not know you ignorant fool!" or the like. No I didn't - and that's why I asked on here - a forum that includes more experienced parents rather than saying anything to the kind and hospitable host. So shoot me.

And as for jam sandwiches (phewee!) - can you not comprehend that people have had differing experiences growing up and what's run of the mill to you isn't to someone else? That's pretty blind.

For the record, you don't know my circumstances (recent loss of business means watching every penny hence taking care not to spend money needlessly); I do not EXPECT to be fed and wanted to know the ETIQUETTE for the future.

Thanks to the minority of people who politely set me straight and gave me good reasons for social norms at kids parties. Just a shame it really was the minority.

Who knew this was such a minefield.

You did have an expectation, which formed the basis of your incorrect assumption. I am sorry that you have been given a hard time on this thread but I don’t see what you stand to gain from re-writing history.

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:30

Sweet sandwiches have existed for generations. When my grandad was a child 1930 he ate banana sandwiches, jam sandwiches, marmalade sandwiches, they even had sugar on buttered bread. In my childhood I had the same including chocolate spread sandwiches and PB and J. My kids generation also have marshmellow fluff sandwiches. You must have heard of sweet sandwiches, they differently arnt a new concept. As as I've said before even the queen had jam sandwiches daily.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:37

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:30

Sweet sandwiches have existed for generations. When my grandad was a child 1930 he ate banana sandwiches, jam sandwiches, marmalade sandwiches, they even had sugar on buttered bread. In my childhood I had the same including chocolate spread sandwiches and PB and J. My kids generation also have marshmellow fluff sandwiches. You must have heard of sweet sandwiches, they differently arnt a new concept. As as I've said before even the queen had jam sandwiches daily.

Yeah but whomst among us has had a sandwich with the Queen to know that?

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:41

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:37

Yeah but whomst among us has had a sandwich with the Queen to know that?

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It's a highly known fact the queen had a jam sandwiches daily.

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:45

In fact it's a famously know fact the queen had jam sandwiches know as jam pennies daily.

MLP18 · 09/08/2023 08:51

@FisherThem I think you're getting treated a little harshly in some of the comments. If you've never been to a soft play party, how would you know what to expect? Our first soft play party didn't mention food at all so I didn't know if there'd be food for the kids, so I gave DD lunch before we went. I didn't expect anything for for the grown ups (or clearly DD! 😂). Now you know what to expect so next time you will be prepared.

Jam as an option I've found is normal but usually with other options too.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:53

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:45

In fact it's a famously know fact the queen had jam sandwiches know as jam pennies daily.

Literally never heard of this before today

Baba197 · 09/08/2023 08:53

YABU. It’s a kids party, if it’s at soft play etc then there’s usually drinks/food available to buy. We’ve done 2 lunch time parties and neither had adult food, parties are so expensive just paying for the kids! Jam/cheese/ham sandwiches are the norm

Plumbear2 · 09/08/2023 08:54

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/08/2023 08:53

Literally never heard of this before today

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Google it. It's a well known fact.

VestaTilley · 09/08/2023 08:58

YABU. It’s lovely if adults get offered crisps or a slice of pizza, but it’s not necessary. You can eat before or after, or buy yourself something at the Soft Play cafe.

onwardandupwards · 09/08/2023 08:58

JaniceBattersby · 08/08/2023 09:15

‘Never heard of a jam sandwich’ is peak MN. Fuck me 🤣

Absolute staple in this house. And, dear reader, I do not make my own jam.

This 😂

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 09/08/2023 09:01

And as for jam sandwiches (phewee!) - can you not comprehend that people have had differing experiences growing up and what's run of the mill to you isn't to someone else? That's pretty blind.

I mean, you say yourself you eat jam on toast. It's hardly a huge stretch of the imagination to realise some people also eat jam on untoasted bread too