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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's party, lunch etiquette

340 replies

FisherThem · 08/08/2023 08:32

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

OP posts:
THEDEACON · 08/08/2023 22:54

Very unreasonable!

MonsterCalling · 08/08/2023 22:55

Snugglemonkey · 08/08/2023 22:50

We have no allergies, no vegans, no Muslims, no Hindus. So ham and cheese it is. Everyone needs to cater for the people who will be attending and here, jam would be a poor choice.

Show quote history

Thank you for re-stating exactly my point.

renovationheavenandhell · 08/08/2023 22:55

We’ve always gotten a couple of rounds of drinks, and make sure there’s enough cake for all adults to have a slice but other than that no m, I would love to but it just gets to expensive when they’re young and doing the big parties, I don’t do them our soft play parties are 15-17 ph plus then you’ve got the cake. Ours was £80 quid the last time.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 08/08/2023 22:57

milveycrohn · 08/08/2023 09:47

The real problem here is a lack of communication.
Not all parents have been brought up in the UK, or maybe their children have not attended many parties.
I think this is a learning curve for when hosting a kids party whether at home or at a centre such as soft play, it is obviously a good idea to make it clear on the invitation, whether siblings are included ( see many other threads), or whether parents can/should/are expected to stay, and whether any refreshments, be it tea or coffee, or anything else will be provided for parents, or whether there is a cafe / seating area, where parents can wait and buy themselves coffee.
As well as an end time (which some hosts forget).

So produce a written contract or a handbook or manual.
As if they were not kind and generous enough already.
If you adopt the British values of kindness, tolerance, open-mindnessness and humility, you will be fine at a birthday party without the contract or elaborate explanations.
Or do everyone a favour and don't attend.

renovationheavenandhell · 08/08/2023 22:58

I am always delighted when we go to a party with jam sandwiches and I can swipe one 😂

renovationheavenandhell · 08/08/2023 22:59

Oh also the party bag bits or favour!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/08/2023 22:59

@FisherThem I always catered for parents for the birthday parties that we hosted and it was very well received. I personally think it's rude not to cater for everyone attending.

renovationheavenandhell · 08/08/2023 23:00

@milveycrohn this is exactly what we do!

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 08/08/2023 23:09

M103 · 08/08/2023 13:30

Oh dear, you are getting some nasty responses here OP! I am not from the UK (although I leave here for 20 years). In my country, jam sandwiches are not a thing and parents are catered for if they are expected to stay. I appreciate the UK is different, but there may be regional differences within the UK as well. Tbh, I have two kids in early and late primary and have rarely come across jam sandwiches in real life. My eldest was given jam sandwiches at a scout centre she went with school this year and she found it strange, so she didn't really know that it was a thing either. I have been in parties where parents were catered for, hosted by both UK and non-UK parents, but I think the norm here is that parents are not catered for. If I had a party from 12:30-1430, I would personally provide some refreshments for the parents. Or otherwise, I would have the party before or after lunch time.

It's not about the jam sandwiches, it's about how little understanding of a basic custom and very routine food someone growing up in this country has. You can predict she knows as little of things that do matter. She also comes across as quite intolerant and arrogant.
How does she or you and your child manage to isolate yourselves so much to not learn such commonplace things? It would take quite a bit of effort and looking down on where you live to dissociate so much.

LuvSmallDogs · 08/08/2023 23:11

Going to out myself as a cheap cheeky fucker, but...

Although soft plays all say "only food/drink bought here to be consumed blabla", I've always got away with having a bottle of squash and a bit of food I've brought in my bag. Like fuck I'm going to pay out their prices for underwhelming food/drink, especially if I've just paid out for my kids!

Pinkespressomachine · 08/08/2023 23:18

Slight deviation, I just nipped downstairs to make myself a raspberry jam sarnie on sliced white bread which I’ve brought it back to bed with me. Grateful to this thread for the inspiration!

ShouldIgoornot123 · 08/08/2023 23:20

KateyCuckoo · 08/08/2023 08:47

God you sound like a massive pain in the arse. Don't be surprised if the invites dry up very quickly for your child.

Wow this is super mean.

renovationheavenandhell · 08/08/2023 23:21

Oh we always have a couple of fruit platters as well which the grown ups always have a nibble on.

ComeOnThenFanny · 08/08/2023 23:23

Yep, I've just had a completely unnecessary peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, thanks to this thread! 🙄

NewName122 · 08/08/2023 23:30

Yes yabu.

fridaynight1 · 08/08/2023 23:32

a) No, I wouldn’t expect parents to be catered for at a children’s birthday party.
b) I’m 59 and had a jam sandwich for lunch today.

fridaynight1 · 08/08/2023 23:36

DD aged 22 came home for lunch today and made a jam and prawn cocktail crisp sandwich today. Not something learned from me - I ‘m plain jam all the way. But she liked it.

Trulywonderfulworld · 08/08/2023 23:44

Not all sandwiches are savoury.
Banana sandwiches are one of my favourites.
Peanut butter and jam is an American favourite.
Then there’s lemon curd aswell

wingingit1987 · 08/08/2023 23:44

We have 5 kids so have attended many many mannnny parties over the years. I’ve been to two church hall type parties where there were soft drinks for the adults. And one softplay party where there was tea/coffee and cake for the parents .

Dagnabit · 08/08/2023 23:57

YABU. You can’t afford to buy yourself one meal or snack at the party venue but expect the hosts to feed all the parents? 🤣

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 09/08/2023 00:05

I can’t believe there was a school that banned jam sandwiches in the 90s. We were eating crap like squares of jelly. And by that I mean the little
cubes that are dissolved in water. But neat, as it were.
Puddings, made for school dinners, often had a layer of jam in them.

Titfortat78 · 09/08/2023 00:10

Not at a softplay parents buy they're own. If it's at a hall then maybe if there's some left after the children have eaten. I did brews and squash for parents when we had a party in a hall. Mine are older now but I wouldn't have gone to a child's party without having something to eat and drink and took a bottle of water.

Titfortat78 · 09/08/2023 00:15

So you've never had jam on toast?

Seddon · 09/08/2023 00:39

1993GoToo · 08/08/2023 22:46

These types of threads always go the same way.

OP asks a question as a "new to these things" mum. The first few answers are polite, she thanks them, dares to state what she thought and then ....

KERBOOOMMMM! And we're off with the insults to her! "Rude" "entitled" "unreasonable" "my teen kids are mimicking you now OP" etc etc

MN, you can't beat it!!

I think a lot of people, understandably, see these faux wide-eyed 'I'm new to these things' posts as an underhanded way to start a MN pile-on of a person they don't like much. In this case, when the pile-on went the wrong way, the OP tried another angle of attack.

I agree asking teenagers and posting on here is a new level of ridiculousness though.

manova366 · 09/08/2023 02:07

PuttingDownRoots · 08/08/2023 10:31

Let's be honest here... even if we do remember going to birthday parties when we were preschool/infant school age... can any of us remember what parents did at those parties?

In Australia in the 70s the mums drank goon and smoked Pine Lights in the darkened living room while the kids amused themselves outdoors, in between handfuls of junk food and cups of Fanta. (Dads didn't stoop to things like kids' parties). Good times!

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