To not forgive colleague?

[pampaspot]

I applied for a new role it’s a few bands higher but I am qualified within that field just haven’t had much hands on experience.

The position is a secondment so it is a learning opportunity also.

Colleague showed me her screen today and previous message was to our manager of her saying “s is not a band 5” so she feels im not good enough.

I called her out on this and she started crying right away and apologising.

we work together once a week but now I just feel very off about her.

Manager didn’t pull her up on this until I said which is also very shitty.

Aibu to not forgive her so easily? I don’t want to create a bad atmosphere but I just feel so angry.

You don't have ro forgive her. You just have to remain professional. Do your work, that's it. Also, ask for feedback from maanger on why they don't think you are ready for band 5 and work on that. If it's something you can accept then accept it. If it is something you can dispute then do that.

She’s not the brightest creature, is she? Doing that and then accidentally showing you!

I hope you get the job and can leave them behind you.🤞

I’d use this as a lesson well learned to be honest. You now know you can’t trust her so at least you’ll never make the mistake of telling her anything she can use against you.

The fact she started crying is hilarious to me as well. Total attention seeker but can’t reap what she sows.

Mirroring PPs- be professional but you don’t need to talk to her about anything other than work. Never do her favours either. If she wants to talk shit then she can ask someone else if she ever needs help.

It’s a shitty thing to find out but my experience of all workplaces is there’s always going to be someone talking shit about you at some point. It’s not nice but it’s reality. No one is liked by every single colleague 100% of the time.

What a jealous petty b sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.

I hope you get the job!

She's not a friend. She is just a colleague, you don't have to forgive her or not forgive her, just work with her

All of this.

Focus on you and your goals.

I wouldn’t forgive her either, snidely cowbag. Fancy being thick enough to let you see it, then feeble enough to cry.

Get the promotion and leave her in the dust!

Extremely unprofessional for recruitment staff to inform their mates about who has applied for a role, especially as the vacancy hasn’t been filled yet and presumably hiring ongoing. Doesn’t provide confidence in an unbiased recruitment exercise, they’d likely struggle to justify the business need of their disclosure.

I could see how someone might jump up a few bands. You could be in a NHS Band 1 entry role but trying to get your first Band 5 medical position for example. Ultimately if you have the qualifications, you could directly start at the higher band like most graduates. It isn’t necessary to work your way up every band along the way. You might have come in at the wrong level, so you can’t let the people in a stop gap role dictate your potential. Keep applying and looking elsewhere. The people who you aspire to be, the successful band 6s or whatever, are not concerning themselves with the opinions of others like this. The more successful you get, the more people will have unsolicited opinions.

I agree with @Ampharos . Try not to dwell on it but instead use this insight into your colleague’s professionalism or lack there of, to decide a strategy to deal with her from now on (and the other colleague). I’d go for emotionless polite formality and share nothing with them about your work life or home life. Just focus on your goal. Rise above them in both behaviour and job band!

if you are good enough for an interview you should be good enough to get the job, which i hope you do!

Mirroring PPs- be professional but you don’t need to talk to her about anything other than work. Never do her favours either. If she wants to talk shit then she can ask someone else if she ever needs help.

This ^^ Be polite and professional, but that’s it. From your update, she’s been completely unprofessional.

They are behind g unprofessional. Crying is ridiculous. Should not have discussed it in an email

I have unfortunately had to deal with similarly catty workplace environments. Ultimately you get paid to be nice to her, so leave it at that and keep communication brief. You don’t need to be friends with her, and you treat her with suspicion that she will gossip about you and won’t keep it confidential. If you feel more comfortable, you could ask her to put anything to you via email going forward to cover your back.

I feel your pain

Except I got the job - then afterwards saw an email from my boss to the MD saying he didn’t think I was ready

I was so so upset and it has taken me nearly 20 years to realise how right he was and now I wonder why he didn’t push it and why I was still promoted into a job I was obviously not qualified to do

Fortunately - it was so awful, so much pressure that I only managed a year - resigned and totally changed my life around

Probably wouldn’t be where I am today hd that not all happened - and I’m really happy now!

Maybe you seeing that message might be a good thing

Having now RTFT rather than just the first post - possibly you are not being unreasonable

If she had no reason to share her opinion of you and your manager doesn’t need to know her opinion then maybe she’s just being a bitch

She cried? Manipulative. Playing the victim. She sounds awful!

@pampaspot Fifteen years ago, a temporary manager decided that rather than following the usual process of only inviting people to apply for jobs at their current grade, he would make the applications open to anyone.
An extremely capable grade 4 applied for the grade 8 role and was able to demonstrate almost all of the requirements. However, within our organisation he had never controlled a budget. When asked about this shortcoming, the lad pointed out that he personally organised an annual event related to his hobby, so had plenty of practice at managing budgets.
Sniggering, one of the interview panel asked how much he spent on his event. £600,000 he replied, explaining that it had greatly increased in size over the five years he had been doing it.
The callow youth got to the final two, but was pipped by someone who was carrying out an almost identical role.
Later, at an event attended by senior management, the hiring manager asked if the unsuccessful applicant would be attending. My boss scoffed, explaining that he was a mere grade 4, to which she was told in no uncertain terms that it was no surprise that we were in such a mess if we kept people of his calibre down.
Apply away, your colleague clearly has neither the skills, ambition or get up and go to progress. Don't let her pathetic attitude hold you back. Good luck.

That's a massive betrayal OP and I'd be mad too. My revenge would me working on myself tirelessly and moving up the career ladder. Leave her and her pettiness behind. It's awful that some people on here think there's nothing wrong with what she had done. That means those very people would do the same to their friends and colleagues. Massive decline in values!

if it has nothing to do with her or your manager....they hadn't been asked for references for example? and she found out via gossip, then I think you should report the lot of them. was it just a mocking back and forth between the 2 of them? on work emails? very unprofessional

In which case you should have this deleted.

Look I have no idea if you are band 5 material or not (I don’t even know what band 5 is!) but the fact that you are posting here about an upsetting job thing is adding fuel to the fire. The fact is the higher you go the less ‘work friends’ you have and the less you can actually share to the outside world about your job.

My advice… put her on the cool but professional list, get this thread deleted, and move on in your career.

I question why you shared this as I’m not sure what OP is supposed to take from it aside from withdrawing their application.

Surely your manager could have put things in place to support you in adjusting to the role or alleviate pressure and not lead to you resigning 1 year in. That’s really sad. Unless you lied in your application, surely your manager would be aware of your previous experience before making the judgement to hire you. With the right adjustments you could have thrived in that role, or a similar position on same hierarchy/salary.

I don’t think your story should put people off applying for roles.

So it's not that she was asked for her opinion, she just gave it as gossip? No, that's wrong and absolutely go for it.

I have no idea whether you are band 5 material or not , however I would echo pp and suggest you rise above it. If this was a deliberate ploy on her part then you’ve reacted to it and she’s enjoying seeing that reaction.

id be concerned people in recruitment have told her you’ve applied. That’s quite the unprofessional breach of confidentiality.

The OP initially looked like your manager had legitimately sought her opinion which (possibly correctly) was too much of a jump.

But it seems it’s nothing to do with either of them or their roles - they’re just mates who got told by someone in recruitment breaking confidentiality?

Those are two really different things.

Good luck going for it!

I assume nhs. I work with a lady who is a band 6 (for the last 6 months and the promotion went to her head) and talks about everyone not being good enough to be a 6 because she does her role so much better, including her immediate colleague who has been a 6 sense 2016. I’ve suggested she use her leadership skills to develop colleagues in the team. She thinks everyone is too rubbish to develop. Thankfully I don’t directly manager her.