Page 2 | To not forgive colleague?

pampaspot · 2023-08-07T20:38:33+00:00

I applied for a new role it’s a few bands higher but I am qualified within that field just haven’t had much hands on experience. The position is a secondment so it is a learning opportunity also. Colleague showed me her screen today and previous message was to our manager of her saying “s is not a band 5” so she feels im not good enough. I called her out on this and she started crying right away and apologising. we work together once a week but now I just feel very off about her. Manager didn’t pull her up on this until I said which is also very shitty. Aibu to not forgive her so easily? I don’t want to create a bad atmosphere but I just feel so angry.

Original poster

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 21:58

Thank you all I am trying not to dwell on it too much. But it’s definitely a kick in the teeth.

OP posts:

saveforthat · 07/08/2023 21:59

Did she really show you her screen with the message on it? Is she stupid or did you actually go snooping?

saraclara · 07/08/2023 22:00

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 21:51

Manager didn’t reply to her message but she didn’t call her out either until I brought it up.

Why should she call her out? The only thing she did wrong was leave the message visible when you saw her screen. Presumably she was asked her opinion and she gave it.

Good grief, there's any amount of stuff I've asiad about colleagues that they wouldn't want to see. I've also said a ton of complimentary stuff, but if I was asked for my opnion regarding a possible promotion, I'd give it. And sometimes it would be "I don't think they're ready for this role"

Original poster

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:01

saveforthat · 07/08/2023 21:59

Did she really show you her screen with the message on it? Is she stupid or did you actually go snooping?

No I’d never snoop! She was showing me a message from our manger. Then I looked up and seen the previous message. It was almost like she wanted me to see.

OP posts:

Original poster

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:03

saraclara · 07/08/2023 22:00

Why should she call her out? The only thing she did wrong was leave the message visible when you saw her screen. Presumably she was asked her opinion and she gave it.

Good grief, there's any amount of stuff I've asiad about colleagues that they wouldn't want to see. I've also said a ton of complimentary stuff, but if I was asked for my opnion regarding a possible promotion, I'd give it. And sometimes it would be "I don't think they're ready for this role"

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It’s not a promotion, I would be completely leaving the team it’s not up to either of them.

OP posts:

ikno · 07/08/2023 22:03

I have dealt with similar, I jumped a civil service grade. I think you have to bare in mind that to some public servants, they are really embroiled in a culture where jumping a grade is unheard of - even if you have the qualifications and experience, they want you to do the time if that makes sense? even if it’s 20 years in a low paid role as that is their expectation of a career…

What I would say is that no one at work is your friend. People applying for jobs does end up being an avenue for gossip. If you get the job, you won’t prove them wrong, you’ll rile them up further aa they’ll say you don’t deserve it. unfortunately the animosity will get worse.

you need to find a way to get over your feelings of betrayal, and use it to make you stronger. Also keep your job applications to yourself and only inform people once you hand your notice in.

Seryse · 07/08/2023 22:11

Fuck her. She sounds like an arse, a petty one (jealous too maybe?). You go get this job, fucking smash it and make her eat her petty typed words and laughing emoji. Get your big girl pants on, chin up, head held high and be professionally "nice" (at least amicable if that makes sense?) with her but keep that guard up.

As others have said, yes she could be asked for opinion on it by the manager and given it, but the smarmy emojis and way she said it was shitty and not professional in the slightest.

Look at it this way - at least you know now what a horrible two faced twit she is and know not to trust her. All the very best of luck in getting the job @pampaspot fingers crossed for you and sending hugs and positive thoughts your way 💖

Randomness12 · 07/08/2023 22:12

Ignore and move on to better things. It's jealousy, I jumped a senior band in the NHS, it's totally doable and not up to them anyway. Just be professional and bank the info - if she felt comfortable enough to say that on a work computer system which is all trackable, and to your shared manager - what else have they both been saying about you and others? This reflects poorly on them, and only them. Best of luck for the interview!

WandaWonder · 07/08/2023 22:17

caerdydd12 · 07/08/2023 21:43

I agree with this

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I also agree with this

ikno · 07/08/2023 22:20

saraclara · 07/08/2023 22:00

Why should she call her out? The only thing she did wrong was leave the message visible when you saw her screen. Presumably she was asked her opinion and she gave it.

Good grief, there's any amount of stuff I've asiad about colleagues that they wouldn't want to see. I've also said a ton of complimentary stuff, but if I was asked for my opnion regarding a possible promotion, I'd give it. And sometimes it would be "I don't think they're ready for this role"

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Christ, you sound like a nightmare to work with! A proper fossil.

Platforms like Teams are audited - it’s not private communication. Does your workplace care about diversity, inclusion and wellbeing? If so - are the messages you send in line with the training you presumably receive as you proudly state it’s things people “won’t want to see?”

The comment made about OP is not the kind of thing one should leave a written record of.

From there, showing the message to the person you’re gossiping about would obviously upset them and open you up to allegations of bullying. The manager should not engage with it, but simultaneously nip this behaviour in the bud to begin with.

what authority does this person have to say someone’s ready for a new job or not anyway? These days recruitment processes and decisions need to be audited to prevent allegations of discrimination etc, it’s not an off the cuff decision to make in such a casual and unprofessional manner.

Charlize43 · 07/08/2023 22:22

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 21:46

No I’m not a band 5, a secondment has came up which I applied for.

Colleague found out I had an interview and told our manager that she doesn’t think I’m a worthy of a band 5.

Your colleague sounds like a backstabbing bitch and is trying to sabotage you.

Is she mates with your manager to be able to send over her opinion?

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:24

Colleagues shouldn't comment on another colleagues performance unless they're management, it's unprofessional. She said that because she wants the job.

PinkFootstool · 07/08/2023 22:25

I'm also confused. If she literally wrote "S is not a band 5", and you're not a band 5, that's fact not opinion.

If she wrote "S isn't good enough to be a band 5" I could understand your ire.

What, exactly, were the words used? Did you see the comment or question before it? Was she asked if she believed you were good enough to work at that grade?

Original poster

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:27

I never told anyone I applied either, she has friends in recruitment that informed her.

I think her and manager are friends outside of work too.

OP posts:

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:28

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:27

I never told anyone I applied either, she has friends in recruitment that informed her.

I think her and manager are friends outside of work too.

Can you search on social media and see if any posts together?

Serendipitoushedgehog · 07/08/2023 22:29

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 21:50

She put a laughing face at the end of the message so she obviously found it amusing that I applied for a band 5 position.

She sounds like a bitch

saraclara · 07/08/2023 22:30

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:27

I never told anyone I applied either, she has friends in recruitment that informed her.

I think her and manager are friends outside of work too.

You should have included that in your OP. It entirely changes the situation, and both she and her manager had no business discussing this.

Cheeesus · 07/08/2023 22:31

PinkFootstool · 07/08/2023 22:25

I'm also confused. If she literally wrote "S is not a band 5", and you're not a band 5, that's fact not opinion.

If she wrote "S isn't good enough to be a band 5" I could understand your ire.

What, exactly, were the words used? Did you see the comment or question before it? Was she asked if she believed you were good enough to work at that grade?

It’s obviously meant as ‘not band 5 material’ or there would be no conversation needed. No one needs to tell someone’s manager what their current band is.

ilovesooty · 07/08/2023 22:32

saraclara · 07/08/2023 22:30

You should have included that in your OP. It entirely changes the situation, and both she and her manager had no business discussing this.

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Agreed. That puts a different spin on it.

MiddleParking · 07/08/2023 22:33

ilovesooty · 07/08/2023 22:32

Agreed. That puts a different spin on it.

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It does doesn’t it. Strange.

Original poster

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:33

I know trying not to be too outing as she uses MN but I think it’s too late for that.

OP posts:

Charlize43 · 07/08/2023 22:35

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 22:27

I never told anyone I applied either, she has friends in recruitment that informed her.

I think her and manager are friends outside of work too.

If your manager is friends with her outside of work that's not very professional. How is she supposed to remain impartial and unbiased?

I hope you get the job so you can leave this toxic pair of bitches behind.

IamfeelingConfused · 07/08/2023 22:37

pampaspot · 07/08/2023 21:46

No I’m not a band 5, a secondment has came up which I applied for.

Colleague found out I had an interview and told our manager that she doesn’t think I’m a worthy of a band 5.

I’m sorry but you yourself have said this new job is a few bands higher than what you are now. The context is - did get manager ask her opinion or did she just decide to interfere and give it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/08/2023 22:37

Yeah she has been shit and I'd always be wary of her from now on.

Even if someone had asked for an opinion, it's fine to say something along the lines of 'Sarah often misses deadlines when she has more than a couple of projects on the go at once, so I'm not sure she is ready to manage deadlines for 10 other people' or something factual or an opinion that's backed up with factual reasoning. A 'she is not a band 5' with a funking emoji is completely juvenile and like she is laughing at you.

labamba007 · 07/08/2023 22:54

It's a real shitty thing to do. If I didn't think my colleague was capable of doing a job higher up I'd keep my mouth shut and let management decide, not send bitchy shitty messages.