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Original poster

Sometimes........it just takes your breath away.

130 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 07/08/2023 20:47

My eldest son died 14 yrs ago, sepsis. Last conversation I had with him, he said he didn't feel well but not to worry, just a bug.Next morning I had a call from a paramedic, from sons phone, saying your son has stopped breathing, get to hospital PDQ.
I have felt guilty ever since.My world will never be the same.
All the what ifs and if onlys keep popping up in my head.
A so called 'friend" on SM has recently posted, "Apologies if I'm not myself but my son died yesterday'.
Cue all the are you ok hun?
FFS when my lovely boy passed the last thing on my mind was to post on SM.The people who needed to know were told.
Maybe just feeling sorry for myself tonight, just me and dog.

OP posts:
Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows · 07/08/2023 20:49

im very sorry for your loss. Respectfully, please don’t judge your friend for acting in a way that was different to how you acted when she is going through something horrific.

Pantsinthewash · 07/08/2023 20:50

I'm so sorry for your loss OP x

Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows · 07/08/2023 20:50

She may be wanting to rip off the plaster, so to speak, and let as many people know as possible so she doesn’t have to keep telling people.

Freepo · 07/08/2023 20:51

I am extremely sorry for your loss. You have nothing to feel guilty for and I can’t imagine your grief.

I have to agree that your friend is entitled to post on social media or to deal with her own horrible loss in whichever way she chooses, without it judgment from others.

user1477249785 · 07/08/2023 20:52

Grief is a funny thing. We all react completely differently to it. Any way you react is fine. I'm so sorry OP for what you went through.

wineschmine · 07/08/2023 20:52

I'm so very sorry @Cinnamongirlinthesand Flowers

Curseofthenation · 07/08/2023 20:52

It sounds like a cry for help or support. She didn't respond to her grief in the same way as you but that doesn't make it wrong. It's understandably triggering for you though.

BennyBlancofromtheBronx · 07/08/2023 20:52

I'm genuinely shocked that you are judging anyone for how they deal with the death of their child. Just grim.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/08/2023 20:53

I am so so sorry you lost your son. What a terrible thing to happen. Please don't judge your friend for the way she is behaving. I'm sure everyone reacts in a different way, but everyone is equally hurt.

💐

Oysterbabe · 07/08/2023 20:53

Her son has just died and she's dealing with it in the way that feels right to her.

Testina · 07/08/2023 20:55

I’m sorry for your loss, and - gently - she has the right to do whatever she wants, and she doesn’t deserve the “FFS” or the “”so called friend” comment.

Callyem · 07/08/2023 20:55

No one gets to dictate how anyone else grieves.

VeryWeirdBarbie · 07/08/2023 20:56

I'm very sorry for your loss. People deal with grief in different ways - I can only think your "friend" must feel very alone and is craving human connection and reaching out via social media.

drunkpeacock · 07/08/2023 20:56

Probably the people who needed to know did know already. SM is an efficient way of letting lots of other people know in a short space of time. Plus, for some, the attention may bring a little comfort 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm sorry for your loss and for hers. This is an unbelievable pain for you both, please don't judge her because grief looks different to her.

Sparklesocks · 07/08/2023 20:57

I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you ❤️

But I also think grief is very personal and we all handle things differently - I understand it might be bringing up some horrible memories for you, but I don’t think it’s fair to judge how they acknowledge their own child’s death.

MadamWhiteleigh · 07/08/2023 20:58

I think this is more about you and your feelings rather than what she is doing.

I’m so sorry you lost your son. It must be unbearably painful.

Tell us a bit about him - what was he like?

Smartieegg · 07/08/2023 20:58

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I nearly lost my baby to sepsis last summer, the trauma and grief live with me every day, but I cannot begin to imagine the hell you have endured. Something my therapist tells me is that you are not his doctor, it wasn't your responsibility to spot sepsis, it was without your control and you are not to blame. Easier said than done, I am just so sorry.

And please ignore the people giving you a hard time for 'judging' the other person. You too are still grieving and are traumatised, you're allowed to have the thoughts you have, you can't be policed for them. I expect seeing a comment like that from someone would spark anger in me as well as it would all come flooding back in a myriad of utterly hideous ways.

Sending strength x

Changesarecomong · 07/08/2023 20:58

I'm so sorry for you and for your friend. Not sure why you're referring to her as 'so called' though? Why is she still not your friend? You're both sadly now sharing an absolutely dreadful loss, support her maybe as you're one of very few people who will have an inkling of how she's feeling right now. Love and strength to you both xxx

LaMaG · 07/08/2023 21:00

So sorry OP, and I'm sorry you feel guilty. I'm sure on some level you know you did nothing wrong. It's a nasty horrible emotion most mums carry. I can't imagine how it must be for you. Thinking of you xx

ConstanceL · 07/08/2023 21:00

So so sorry for your loss OP. I wouldn’t judge your friend too much though. 14 years ago social media wasn’t such a huge part of people’s lives as it is now, so she is just announcing her son’s death in the way that is most ‘comfortable’ for her to do so x

Aposterhasnoname · 07/08/2023 21:00

I’m truly sorry for your loss, but please don’t judge your friend. She’s reaching out for help in the best way she can. The poor, poor woman.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 21:01

I'm really sorry OP ❤️

While I agree with PP that you cannot judge someone else for how they grieve (that poor woman 😞) I imagine is all opening up the wounds & hurt for you.

I'm so sorry you lost your DS 💐

howsaboutit · 07/08/2023 21:01

I’m a nurse and deal with parents losing their babies, unfortunately, quite a lot. I can’t stress enough how differently people deal with losing their children.
We have some families that spend their babies final moments with just them and the baby’s other parent. We have some that bring dozens of extended family members and friends to say their goodbyes and support them.
Some parents spend days at the hospital after their baby has passed, some leave immediately and don’t return.
Some want to bathe and dress their baby after they’ve died, some request that I do that for them.
Some parents pray, some parents sing, some parents cry, some don’t cry at all, some parents get angry, some parents sit in silence.
I am genuinely, so very sorry for you loss. But I just wanted to say, kindly, that we can’t judge how other people grieve. It’s a very personal thing, whilst pain amongst those who have lost children is shared, how people express or don’t express that pain can be very different.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 21:03

@howsaboutit

That's such a moving post.

Thanks for the work you do supporting all those poor parents.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 07/08/2023 21:07

OP I’m so sorry. It sucks. It’s the shittiest club to be in.

And the social media thing is shit too. I wish it didn’t exist but it does and sometimes if people have a wide circle it reduces the announcement to one hit, minimises the strain of trying to let people know….. the crying faces and sympathy might not even register…. They didn’t when I had to do similar with my DP.

Sending you love x