To assume this about people who hit their kids...

[NotDisciplineJustAbuse]

That they're probably not above hitting their wife/husband/partner etc or indeed their pets.

I don't buy into the 'discipline' crap as there are just far better ways of dealing with things. I'm sure smacking my husband every time he forgets to replace the loo roll could work but I was thankfully raised to use my big girl words and not rely on violence which will inevitably breed more violence.

I disagree it's abuse. I don't feel like I was abused by my parents. I understand why they did it on those occasions and I have no resentment towards them for it at all.

I assume these people know how to discipline a child. Would be useful if the child is troublesome and has constant tantrums

You probably would not have pursued a junkie life of crime if you hadn’t been smacked by your parents. It’s sad you still believe that you were such a bad kid you needed to be smacked to not turn into a criminal.

@LadyMaryTalbotCrawleysEyebrows
So sorry what you went through ❤️

I was smacked as a child. My parents were good people (still are!) but they were so young when they became parents, and lacked the strategies or experience to deal with things in a different way.
My upbringing was working-class Glasgow in the 70s/80s. I mean, it was the absolute norm!

@MillicentBystandr I wasn't a bad kid. Neither were my siblings and I feel a huge part of that was due to knowing the consequences

Christ 'experts' niw tell us that time out on a naughty step is traumatising.

Each generation will tell the former they're parenting wrong.

In the meantime kids will still be kids, they will still push boundaries and on occasion be little shits, and sometimes parents will lose their rag. Parents aren't perfect. It was acceptable in the 80s (to coin a song), and it doesn't mean it's right, it just means it was of it's time. Mine have had the occasion tap on the hand or bum, and many if my peers did similar. Would I do it now? No but this was 22 years ago and my views and outlooks have changed.

What is your preferred method op?

Now you’ve posted the rest of the story, yes she was abused.
Jokes about being chubby are not jokes, her dad was being verbally abusive and she likely stepped on the snail because she wanted to stop her dads torrent of abusive “you’re so fat” comments. Then he steps on her foot hard enough to bruise it to “teach her a lesson” about dont harm a snail? (But it’s ok for him to harm her)

I can see that he drove her to distraction with verbal abush and then used her misbehaving as an excuse to then physically assault her while gaslighting her into thinking it was her fault he hurt her.

Statistically, boys who exhibit persistent aggressive behaviour and girls with high levels of anxiety are more likely to become involved with drugs as are those with low self-esteem and those who have experienced childhood trauma.

Research has shown that smacking is ineffective and harmful to child development. It has been linked to low self-esteem, aggression and anxiety. Research has also shown that children who are smacked are more statistically more likely to try cover up their mistakes (basically lie or avoid seeking adult support) to avoid punishment and are also far more likely to engage in risky behaviours such as drug taking.

None of the research backs up your assertion that being hit by your parents was a good thing and prevented you from experiencing these things, the research shows that actually your parents placed you at greater risk of them by smacking you. You turned out how you did despite the smacking, not because of it.

How old is your DS, though?

And are your DN and DS both spanked by parent(s), as discipline.

Because I'm interested in learning the response from the parent in my scenario. Is their child who spanked a sibling subsequently spanked by the parent for doing the exact same thing they deem fair and appropriate as a consequence to bad behaviour?

How do you answer child A retorting "But you spanked me when I threw a toy in your face. He threw a toy in my face, so I spanked him"?

Am genuinely curious about how it's all dealt with.

You won't get an answer @SyncopatedRhythm because that right there is the hypocrisy at the heart of hitting children.

@IamAlso4eels We will have to agree to disagree. I firmly believe that my parents techniques contributed to me being the law abiding and non violent person that I am.

I understand what you say about research but it's not applicable in my case. And my case is the only one I can have an opinion on.

Some posters are trying to differentiate between those who smack in anger and those who do so in a “controlled” way.

I find this really problematic.

I expect there are some well-meaning parents (certainly my parents) who have given a small smack occasionally when they were overwhelmed. They did it as they felt helpless and out of control and you don’t automatically become perfect at emotional regulation as soon as you have kids. It’s still not right or acceptable but they realise it wasn’t great parenting and likely feel a lot of guilt. I have a lot of empathy for people who have found themselves in that position as I think most of us, if we’re honest, have felt close at one point as parenting is so hard. I’ve never smacked and hope I never will but I understand the feelings of frustration and overwhelm.

Then there are those who choose to smack their kids as, despite the body of scientific studies all saying it wrecks a child’s self-esteem, they think they know better. They are proud of their parenting choices. I have no empathy for these parents at all.

I hope the rest of the UK follows Scotland and makes smacking illegal. It’s bound to happen - it’s just a question of time.

Well I was smacked from time to time as a child.

My parents never hit each other or became violent.

It's just what was the norm then.

Luckily it isn't now.

Actually do you have any research links or study names that I can read? It would be interesting

This Harvard study is interesting:

https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=%E2%80%9CPreschool%20and%20school%20age%20children,be%20successful%20in%20educational%20settings.%22

@SyncopatedRhythm Thank you, I'm going to have a read of that as I've never read any research on the topic before

You're welcome.
I, too, am trying to learn all views.

Oh my goodness, that was an eye opener and I feel so bad now.

This part stood out to me:

"Preschool and school age children and even adults (who have been) spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression disorders or have more difficulties engaging positively in schools..."

That describes me to a tea 😞

I disagree. British born and bred as were parents. We were hit as children. Not hard and only as a last resort. It annoys me when I hear, ' mummy won't tell you again' for the 20th time from lax parenting. My mate used to count to three- never hot past two. Discipline is needed and if telling a child not to do something verbally doesn't work then a tap on the hand is fine in my opinion.

I was walloped as a child, older siblings too, DM came at me with an appliance once. Lived in fear of doing or saying anything wrong for years into my 20s. Still love my parents. DF is dead now, DM has been told ad nauseam how unacceptable her verbal and physical behaviour was and she has apologised over and over. (I was also diagnosed very late in my 30s as ND which obviously adds to her guilt)

As a daughter I forgive them for their emotional immaturity in dealing with stress. As a parent I will never ever forgive them. I shout at my kids if they really get out of hand and I hate it but I will never hit slap or beat them like I was.

It’s eye opening and I do have sympathy for you. Your opinion that your parents smacking you made you non violent and law abiding is the result of them imposing that belief on you from a very, very young age. From an age too young to have mental defences and barriers against a belief that has been scientifically and objectively proven over and over to be false. Your parents likely believed it themselves if they were raised the same way.

That's a really interesting quote to read.

UK schools are currently in a mental health crisis. From Reception, there are children having mental health and anxiety issues. Massive growth in the last 10 years. CAMHS are overwhelmed. EMHPs are being deployed in schools as quickly as they are trained to try to deal with the tip of the iceberg.

These are children who are less likely to have been smacked, as it's become less culturally acceptable in their lifetime.

Don't be too quick to assume the issues around your mental health are because you were smacked as a child. There's a whole raft of children in school today who weren't smacked, but have significant mental health issues before they even start secondary school.