To assume this about people who hit their kids...

[NotDisciplineJustAbuse]

That they're probably not above hitting their wife/husband/partner etc or indeed their pets.

I don't buy into the 'discipline' crap as there are just far better ways of dealing with things. I'm sure smacking my husband every time he forgets to replace the loo roll could work but I was thankfully raised to use my big girl words and not rely on violence which will inevitably breed more violence.

Yes I agree, but it's getting worse. I dread to think how the young people will be in years to come. Gets worse every 10 years. Doesn't help that a lot of modern parents are too busy on social media 'living their best life' instead of being grownups.

I think if someone was disciplining an adult that would definitely be abusive ! Because your partner is your equal. I know in the old days wife beating was allowed but I am glad we know better now.

You may be right but bear in mind every generation since the year dot seems to have felt the same about their current youth!

Me too. Plus my parents never ever hit each other. We only got smacked when we were really badly behaved. It was never in their temper / bad mood but entirely related to our behaviour.

I knew the consequences of "bad" decisions too - my dad would hit me. So from a young age I learned to try and cover up my mistakes and not ask for help or assistance even when in dire need of it because I was scared of being "smacked" (hit). It very often led to me getting myself even deeper into difficulty and into situations way above my head that could have easily been resolved at a much earlier stage had I been able to trust the adults around me to not physically hurt me and mentally humiliate me (because getting smacked is emotionally hurtful and humiliating)

IME, smacked children are far more likely to not only misbehaved they are also more likely to lie about it and try to cover it up because they don't want to be hit. Not only does it damage children, it damages their ability to make good behavioural choices.

I've also never met a parent who doesn't use some form of the word "no" so not sure where that myth comes from that parents now don't say no. I've met thousands in the course of my work, never ever met one who doesn't say it.

Agreed

@IamAlso4eels It would seem from reading many experiences on this thread that it comes down to a persons perception of smacking.

There are some on here who don't have any resentment towards their parents and are grateful for the form of discipline they received. There are others who resent it and are hurt by it.

I personally hold no resentment towards my parents and it had the opposite effect with me. I could tell my parents anything and I wouldn't have dreamed of covering stuff up as if I got found out, it would have led to more consequences.

I suppose it all depends on the child in question. Some will be receptive to it but others won't. It's the hard job of being a parent and working out which method works best.

Yeah it's better to reach children empathy and natural consequences of making mistakes. I don't think smacking works for most day to day scenarios.

See I remember being smacked for being naughty and it didn't bother me because I deserved it except I hated the nudity part, felt ashamed having to have my clothes pulled down but I remember other far more horrible consequences than smacking not for deliberate naughtiness but for say getting an answer wrong in my schoolwork, or knocking something over, spilling or breaking something .

Not smacking but something more frightening and horrible (can't say it here) and it caused me to be so afraid of making mistakes I actually used to contemplate how I could hurt myself so I didn't have to face my dad's anger. And it made me someone who never said sorry but always blamed others for my actions . To this day I find it hard to admit I'm wrong or take blame for anything .I always act like I'm somehow above criticism and I believe that arrogance is a result of fear and an inability to process shame because shame makes me feel I'm annihilated. Like if I make a mistake I'm worse than dirt.

I got hit as a child. I wasn't a bad kid but I had my moments of idiocy. All it achieved was to make me so afraid of my parents that I didn't ask for help when I genuinely got into trouble. The situation got quite serious and by the time I admitted it, it was almost beyond their help.

It's a poor choice to make as a parent.

Its cultural differences. You know that hitting child is not the same as whacking their bum. Maybe westerners think hitting its like abusive very hard hit. But in my culture its just smack on the hand or bum and its not hurt at all. My mum always said westerner children is badly behave because of lack of diacipline, they are talked back etc. to be honest i kinda agree, my DS is 7 and i see his friend lots of them talked back to their parents which never happen in my household.

i’ve been smacked by my mum and i love her very much. I dont feel her abusive me.

I think hitting someone smaller than yourself about covers it.

I'm usually averse to whataboutery but would there be the same excuses offered on this thread, particularly about culture, had it been a woman being struck by a man?

About time children had the same rights as adults when it comes to being struck.

Apologies, haven't read entire thread.
Genuinely interested to hear from parents who do smack (on the bottom).
How would you deal with this scenario?

You witness your child no1 (aged 4) smacking child no2 (aged 3) hard on the bottom.

Child no2 bursts into floods of tears, shouting "He smacked me, he smacked me!"

What's your next move?

The worst hitters tend to be the kids who have never been hit. DS regularly gets walloped by DN who is the same age and so understands never to do it as it hurts.

@Wenfy I completely disagree, my child has never been hit and it wouldn't cross his mind to lash out at anyone. Anecdotally, the kids I have seen who are most violent either have been hit themselves, or have older siblings who are violent in front of them, or to them.

No, not really implying what the OP has said, my posts are about the racist assertion that it’s people of nonBritish cultures that hit their kids, unless they’ve “been here a few generations”, when it is a fact that hitting kids is part of British culture. My generation and all the generations before me in Britain were hit often by parents, by teachers, and it was culturally acceptable.

Thank god we have moved on from those bad old days, but it’s wrong to say hitting kids hasn’t been part of British culture when it has and is still legal in England.

So, you feel it’s ok to hit someone below/smaller than you, but not someone equal to you?!!
Did/do you allow a senior to hit you at work if necessary? Of course you would otherwise that would be hypocritical.

Personally I believe all assaults are wrong.

You’re right lashing out in a moment of anger as a loss of control/unintentional harm is very different than the cold, calculated, intentional spanking or caning while being gaslight about it hurting them more than you, and how horrible of a child you are.

Both are horrendous, it’s just a different flavour of abuse.

Me too, having been on the receiving end of it as a child. It’s abuse and the parents who do it are just rationalising to make themselves feel better.

I actually agree with this. I'm from a culture that hits. I had a second type but I know many people who had the first type.

Some personality disorders do have a high correlation to childhood trauma though.