To assume this about people who hit their kids...

[NotDisciplineJustAbuse]

That they're probably not above hitting their wife/husband/partner etc or indeed their pets.

I don't buy into the 'discipline' crap as there are just far better ways of dealing with things. I'm sure smacking my husband every time he forgets to replace the loo roll could work but I was thankfully raised to use my big girl words and not rely on violence which will inevitably breed more violence.

in years to come I wonder if people will say removing a child’s favourite toy by way of punishment is damaging

It is scientific fact that hitting your children is damaging and causes long term psychological damage.

How on earth are people justifying hitting their children? Your children look to you for safety and security and you’re dreaming up explanations for why you using your superior strength to attack someone smaller, weaker and more vulnerable than you is acceptable. It’s awful how entrenched the idea that you can abuse children to force them to ‘behave’
or because you can’t regulate your own emotions in a moment of fear or anger.

No I’d walk away, put in an official complaint and resign

I voted YABU, but because my mum smacked us as children. She never raised her hands or voice to anyone else and was adamantly against any kind of violence between adults or even between children. She was raised to see smacking as an acceptable form of punishment for children.

She was very wrong of course, I don’t and never would smack my children. I don’t believe it teaches what I want them to learn and I don’t believe in making them too scared to come to me when they fuck up or when they have a problem. But she believed it was ok and believed it was the right thing to do. It didn’t make her ok with violence in other aspects of her life though.

I’m not justifying hitting- I’m pointing out that people keep saying hitting as if lashing out at a child’s face in anger is the same as a controlled decision in the 80s to smack a kid on the bum for bad behaviour they were forewarned about. I’m pointing out that times have changed, but to label everyone’s parents in the 80s who tapped them on the legs as abusive isn’t true- and life isn’t black and white.

I wonder if those defending smacking/hitting kids as acceptable punishment would be okay with me doing it in a professional capacity? If your child acts up when I'm trying to teach, can I smack them as punishment? I'd be interested to know why not.
To add - I never actually would raise my hands to a child, my own or anyone else's.

So it’s ok to hit a kid, who is smaller, but an adult who is bigger gets more respect … and no violence.

You’ve just explained perfect why hitting is wrong.

Exactly!

IME of working with children, the ones who are smacked at home are almost always the children who exhibit the lowest levels of behaviour control and are most likely to hit other children when angry or frustrated. Wonder what smacking is teaching them...?

No-one is talking about tapping, though. If you're thinking of a tap on the legs, the same as you might tap someone's shoulder to get their attention, it's not an issue.
If you're minimising an actual smack as a "tap", controlled or not it's still hitting.

...No need to wait years. That would be wrong

And I don't know about you but I like to know better and do better.

Hitting is wrong- I’m not justifying hitting, I’m saying I don’t believe smacking was abusive- but comparing apples and oranges isnt an argument. I wouldn’t breastfeed my boss, doesn’t mean breastfeeding is wrong.

YABU - giving a child a smack bottom does not mean you beat your partner up and pets.

Comparing it to a partner is not an equal comparison. There's lots you would do with children but not with partners. It's a completely different dynamic.

It's also dependant on the generation. Giving children a smack was the norm say 50 years ago. That was just what everyone did. Even police officers would give kids a clip round the ear.

I smacked my children on occasion when growing up but was usually for something very dangerous that they hadn't previously listened to me about. Young children are not capable of reasoning on matters or using words.

I disagree it breeds violence.

Agreed, my parents weren’t bullies, neither were my friends parents. It was fairly normal in the 80’s when I was raised. Times have changed, I don’t judge decisions taken in a different era with today’s standards. I didn’t smack my children as time has moved on, but certainly don't view my parents as abusive bullies, anyone who assumes everyone who smacked a child in the 80’s was a bully is wrong. Very wrong

I’m minimising with the word tap and you're exaggerating with the word hit.

According to my local fb group, things were better in the old days when you could discipline children. I'm often confused as to what these old days were, as many of those on there are similar age to me. By discipline, they inevitably mean smack. Which always makes me want to ask them whether poor behaviour has only existed since the demise in smacking.

I would argue that the worst behaved kids are those who are regularly smacked for misdemeanours, because if your own parents are hitting you, what have you got to fear from people who, you know, aren't allowed to hit you? Most people smack their kids for naughty behaviour because THEY are angry; which implies a lack of control. And as an adult, we should beyond that.

I absolutely hate the ‘didn’t do me any harm’ argument. Surely that makes you lucky not right?
I was hit by both my parents. All the time. Yes I ended up in an abusive relationship. Yes I think my upbringing was partly to blame. Yes I resent my parents and have a distant relationship with them. And no, they’ve never looked after my children unsupervised because I don’t hit my children and wouldn’t trust them not to.

Same

I was smacked as a child - rarely as it worked as a deterrent.

My parents were not abusive in any other way to me or my sibling or to each other.

I don't hold it against them.

I've never hit my kids.

I seriously am not understanding the question.
So does this count for all forms of discipline.
"AIBU to think that people who take away their children's phones, take away their colleagues' too when they do something wrong?"
"AIBU to think that a mother that goes down on her haunches and gentle parents 'I understand you're frustrated Johnny, it must be really hard, I would feel like that too, you can't hit your sister though. Here hit this pillow instead." woulk it be unreasobe to exprapolate that she would go down on her knees and say to another adult." I get that you're angry, I would be too, but it's not okay to send a rude email, here write a rude message on this paper and crumple it up "
Wth op, you don't use the same methods for adults so why would you extrapolate it?

I'm not. Smacking is hitting... it literally can't be defined otherwise. The definition confirms that.

A sharp slap or blow, typically one given with the palm of the hand.

Strike (someone or something), typically with the palm of the hand and as a punishment.

If smacking / tapping or whatever word you want to use to make it more palatable to yourself is fine, why not let teachers and other adults in positions of authority hit your kids when the situation warrants it?

Why hit a child? I’m guessing the usual justification is to teach them not to do something.
Why give a baby your breast? To give them appropriate nourishment.
If you cook for an adult with a nut allergy would you give them nuts? No, you would give them something appropriate. Just like giving a baby breast milk.

Have you NEVER had to teach an adult a new way of doing something? Really? You must either be very young, very sheltered, or unable to engage with an analogy.

NB good luck walking away from a violent patient (in the example above). And no, you are not allowed to hit patients either. Just like children, they deserve respect.

They used to back in the day.

Abuse doesn't always come from a place of wanting to abuse. It still abuse even if it's the norm in a culture. Some cultures are based on vile behaviours, it just means abuse is universally accepted and ingrained into it.
Lovely, tolerant people wouldn't do that regardless of what their culture is. Some cultures have very few of such people.

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate there is good and bad with all cultures. Unless your from every culture you wouldn't really know.. only your own (if any)

I've noticed similar, even as far as teenagers (college level). One in particular was quite sad, I could tell they wanted to engage with the course but their behaviour really let them down. Parents downplayed issues at home too, and there's not always much you can do other than help the best you can in a professional capacity, as there wasn't enough evidence for it to be deemed a safeguarding issue.

Interesting that no-one in favour of smacking answered my previous question, too. 🤔