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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to expect us to sell the family home when the kids have grown up?

140 replies

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:38

Hi, I currently live with my ex, who is the father of our 3 kids (14, 12 and 10). We split up a few years ago and I have no choice but to stay living with him in the family home until the kids have left. Yes, I know that's potentially a decade away but that's a whole other story!
I want to sell the family home when the kids have moved on so that I don't have to live with my ex any more, or for him to buy me out of my half so I can get my own place. We're not married and have a joint mortgage.
He totally refuses to sell the place and says the kids will want to live there in future. I asked where I am supposed to live and he says I can live in the home with them.
AIBU to think that I'm entitled to my half of the value of the home and that the home should be sold? I don't think that the kids will want to live together when they're adults (with future partners/kids) and that it's normal for them to move into their own homes when the time is right. He says we're obliged to keep the home for them and that I can live there with them if I want. He thinks that I'm not entitled to have what I see as my half of the value of the house.
I'd love to hear people's opinions!
Thanks x

OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/08/2023 17:40

I think you should probably speak to a solicitor.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/08/2023 17:41

You can insist on the property being sold. You need proper legal advice on how to progress this, you can’t be expected to stay there even until the DC are 18. He is talking rubbish.

VimFuego101 · 07/08/2023 17:42

You need legal advice.

CamelSilk · 07/08/2023 17:42

He's talking nonsense.

Original poster
Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:42

gamerchick · 07/08/2023 17:40

I think you should probably speak to a solicitor.

He totally refuses as it'll cost money!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 07/08/2023 17:43

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:42

He totally refuses as it'll cost money!

Show quote history

No, YOU singular need to speak to a Solicitor

Marwoodsbigbreak · 07/08/2023 17:44

No OP, you need to speak to a solicitor. Nothing to do with ex.

Do you not work or have access to any money?

YourNameGoesHere · 07/08/2023 17:44

You need to speak to a solicitor, he doesn't need to agree but spending over a decade living with your ex husband is not the logical option here.

Original poster
Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:44

DelphiniumBlue · 07/08/2023 17:41

You can insist on the property being sold. You need proper legal advice on how to progress this, you can’t be expected to stay there even until the DC are 18. He is talking rubbish.

He says I can't force him to sell the house. I don't know what the legal line is on that...

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 07/08/2023 17:44

He's being a controlling knob, get yourself some legal advice!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 07/08/2023 17:44

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:42

He totally refuses as it'll cost money!

Show quote history

He may refuse to attend but I don’t see how he can stop you going. Book an appointment for yourself asap.

However if you weren’t married and your name isn’t on the house you may be on a hiding to nothing.

continentallentil · 07/08/2023 17:45

This sounds completely mad.

You can force a sale.

sunshinesupermum · 07/08/2023 17:45

You can go and see a solicitor yourself. Not sure how you stand re selling the house and splitting the money between you. Are you married? Are you named on the mortgage or the deeds?

pippinsleftleg · 07/08/2023 17:46

Do you own the house jointly?

EggOverEasy · 07/08/2023 17:46

Your ex isn't a solicitor and doesn't have your interests in mind when he's making these pronouncements. Speak to a solicitor already!

caringcarer · 07/08/2023 17:47

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:42

He totally refuses as it'll cost money!

Show quote history

He might not want to but you can. A sale can be forced at any time if one party wants to sell. Why are you letting him control you telling you what you can and can't do? He's not your Lord and Master. He sounds very controlling and you are too submissive to him. Speak to a solicitor. You don't even need to tell him.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/08/2023 17:48

As you have a joint mortgage you are very likely a joint owner. That means you have as much say as he does. Go see a lawyer, he is making stuff up for his own benefit.

gogomoto · 07/08/2023 17:50

If you jointly own the house you can force the sale, it will cost a considerable amount to take it to court, far easier that he comes to his senses!

Do you want to sell now? If so a letter from your solicitor stating you want to sell or him buy you out for the current value at x% (eg 50%) of equity minus 50% costs by x date eg 12 months from now would be a starting point but things could get worse for you

Original poster
Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:50

We're not married and own the house with a joint mortgage. I work but on a low salary so can't afford to move out (yet) and also don't want to leave the kids living with him as he's a crap dad. If I moved out now the kids would have to stay in the family home with him.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 07/08/2023 17:51

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:44

He says I can't force him to sell the house. I don't know what the legal line is on that...

Show quote history

A Solicitor will

DelphiniumBlue · 07/08/2023 17:51

In case you are confused, a lawyer would be advising you, not him. He doesn’t get to say whether you consult a lawyer or not.
Find the money, use a credit card or something but get legal advice. You don’t have to carry on living with him.

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2023 17:53

Trappedmumof3 · 07/08/2023 17:44

He says I can't force him to sell the house. I don't know what the legal line is on that...

Show quote history

You can. It’ll cost money but of course you can force him to sell. It’s 50% your money.

themiffy · 07/08/2023 17:56

If you take him to court and he loses( which he is likely to) he will be liable for your costs as well. So it won’t cost you much, but will him. This is the advice my friend was given by her solicitor to force her tight arse ex to sell. Friend says the £100 for a solicitors letter was the best money she spent

Scentedrose · 07/08/2023 17:58

Definitely controlling behaviour, very concerning. As others have sensibly suggested 100% get your own legal advice , pay for it yourself, don't involve him in it and get the facts completely straight and then consider all your options.