To be dreading DH's work retreat

[MrsCrouch]

My husband works remotely for a small company and the owners have kindly invited staff and their partners on a 2 day 'retreat' next week. I think there will be around 16-20 people going in total. I've just seen the VERY detailed itinerary which involves an entire 2 days (from breakfast at 8am until dinner ending at 10/11pm) as a group, doing activities. I'm very introverted, anxious about meeting new people, and honestly have no conversation whatsoever! I like socialising and listening to others, but in small bursts, over dinner etc. But this sounds intense.

I'm very grateful to have been invited, it's a lovely gesture. But help?

This.

They won't sack him of you're not there for 2 pm foot massage class and 3 pm free fall seminar.

Go to the food bits where it's social and you're with DH then do the bits that are manageable and interesting.

That’s what he tells you.

This is so weird. What sort of company wants to do team building with a whole bunch of people not in the team? What’s the point?

I'm autistic and I struggle massively with social interaction, especially when it's forced, last minute and involves games. Is that okay with you?

I’ve had a situation like this before and in the end, it was not as bad as I’d expected it to be.
Since it appears you’re going, you need to make steps to make yourself comfortable. Look at the whole Itinerary and cut out as many that you’re not comfortable with. Like if there are physical team building activities, you can say your ankle hurts and that’ll exclude you from them, for some hours, you can tell your dh to tell people things like you need to ‘catch up on work’ , you need to rest, for whatever reason, you can’t stay up that late, you need to speak to your parents on FaceTime, etc and just use that to excuse your self from as much activities that are not convenient for you.

Go , don’t get left out .
maybe if it’s to full on , you can fain a migraine
man’s hang in your room
but better to be there
husbands on courses
can go off course

You aren’t being unreasonable. It’s not your thing… yet I understand you want to do it so please your husband, and his employer, and probably somewhat to “push your self” into doing more social things, it’s ok to feel stressed about it….
think of it this way… it’s all been arranged, most likely everyone going is feeling nervous about it, so you aren’t alone. You have your husband there, so he’s your comfort zone. If something is too much, or not your thing, you don’t have to do it.
keep an open mind, try to let yourself go a little. At the end of the day, they can’t make you do anything. If you don’t want to, or need head space, that’s it xx

I'd be going but I'd be picking and choosing what activities I did.
They can't insist, you're not on their payroll.
A simple "I'm going to sit this one out, you lot enjoy and I'll see you at supper!" will suffice

I would go only because I'd have a partner there too. It might be fun. But not everyone likes things like that.

Sounds like an episode of midsomer murders 😂 however in all seriousness I bet you will have a blast, take a bit of rescue remedy to calm your nerves and enjoy mingling :)

Oh this sounds kindly meant but there is absolutely no way I could cope with a whole two days. Three hours would be the maximum.
Can you just tell the truth as you have here? I bet people would understand.

My DPs company did this every single year. If you dont want to join in, take a book, say you have a headache and stay in the room or go out for walks. You may enjoy the meals though.

I'd enjoy some of it, but am wondering if it's part of the current 'bring your whole self to work' stuff. Bring your partner to a team building weekend. It depends very much on the activities. I once went to one that involved a conjuror doing close magic! Not sure what it did for the team but it was very entertaining. If it involved something like sky-diving or abseiling they could count me out. As others have said, I'd probably go, but excuse myself for part of each day and just enjoy the hotel. There will almost certainly be other people who feel the same.

I think give it a whirl - on the proviso that DH has warned them that you won't be doing all the activities. Or pop a stone in your shoe so you have a realistic limp, and go with the sprained ankle plan! Please let us know how it goes, and whether it was actually enjoyable. Good luck!

You never have to do anything you don’t want to do.
weigh up the consequences of going or not going. Make a choice.

I would call in dead

@catin8oots 😆😆😆

I'd go but not take part in the team building exercises shudder. I doubt many of the spouses are doing every single one - although there is always one

Just go to the hotel spa and don't partake in their activities lol. Honestly it'll be better than you expect. That's always what I find as an introvert. You think the absolute worst but then it turns out to be not so bad.

Absolutely face your fears and go. WWCD

Go, and play a mind game with yourself that you are just there with your husband.
Concentrate on having a lovely time together.

Have fun - most of the other partners will be equally nervous and probably very nice..

Take a cosy coat with pockets in which to keep a book or snacks.
Don't join in all of the activities - give yourself some quiet time too.

Just say NO.
Honestly… You do not HAVE to put your self through this. No Fuck*s given to attending this horrendous sounding event.
Wild horses could not get me to something like that.
Your husband should not give you shit for not wanting to attend either. Laugh and tell him to fuck off too if he tried to.
What are you , 10? on a school trip.
Just say No… try it? It’s liberating.

Grow some backbone woman! You DO NOT work for this company. Sure you have been invited, which is nice, but it's an invitation, not a summons. You have every right not to go at all but it appears that you are, so bear in mind that the company cannot dictate what you do when you get there. Disappear and do your own thing - and ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen? Nothing on earth would persuade me to take part in some team-building crap for a company that I don't even work for and if my DH tried to pressure me he'd get very short shrift indeed. But I value my time so.....

ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen?

Her bloke’s seen as unsupported in his career? In military circles it would definitely affect his promotion chances.

What sort of activities is it? A group lunch or yoga is one thing but a role playing lot of nonsense is quite another.