Page 32 | To literally BEG women to set themselves up, financially?

CallieRedux · 2023-08-07T13:14:37+00:00

Typed out a long post full of personal details, then deleted, but, honestly, the specifics don't matter. What DOES matter is that you save every tiny bit you can, because having FUCK YOU money is - by far - the most important thing you can do for yourself. It's saved me from everything from wrong relationships, shit jobs, from natural disasters... I have both made lots of money, and not, but having savings, and the ability to walk away is having POWER, and the best "self care" a woman can have. Shit happens. Things change. Even to you. Yes, you can save - even a little - when you are poor. Do it. Please.

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 19:16

That's not my experience. That's just obvious - SAHM are all different. Some will be very financially vulnerable, some will be similar to you, some will be less vulnerable than you.

If you really want to help financially vulnerable women, you have to realise that not everyone is going to be career-orientated in the way you revere. And if they are, it may not be in STEM, as you have been brought up to believe is what we should all be striving for. And that's ok. There are all types in this world. Nor will many women share you view that your the only way to financial independence is separate finances to the DH and this 'what's mine is mine.' attitude / defensiveness. There are other ways to live; different types of relationships. People find their own balance hopefully.

Anyway, I'm going out to dinner now.

Islandermummy · 11/08/2023 19:20

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 19:02

For the last time...,

SAHMs are not a collective 'group.' Just as women who work may be anything from billionaires to MW earners scraping by day to day - and a billion things inbetween - this also applies to SAHMs.

Again, what do you even mean by a SAHM? Someone who stays with her baby for a few months? Years? Indefinitely?

Many SAHMs are some of the wealthiest women in society. Others may be among the poorest. Some may not be able to work because of a controlling partner, or the cost of childcare, or perhaps they are ill or their children have specific needs. Some women don't work because they are very privileged with millions in family assets and frankly don't need to. Some women are living abroad due to DH work and don't have work visas.

Some women step off the corporate ladder because they get to a point where they realise they despise it. Some women can't be arsed to work at all. Some women become a SAHM for a few years and change career direction. Some just go back to what they did before. Some retrain. All kinds of scenarios.

Some women have one child. Some have more than this.

Yes, some men can hide money. But this can happen in any type of marriage. There are husbands who don't even share their money in the first place!

To summarise, SAHMs (like WOHMs) are ALL DIFFERENT and there is no reason for you to assume they are any more financially vulnerable than you. They are equally as capable as you of assessing their own financial vulnerability and acting accordingly,

Agree with this.

And I respect SAHMs, not least as I don't think I'd be very good at it: from the glimpse I got on mat leave it's bloody hard work!

So would be nice not to feel the contempt bubbling up underneath your posts: your comments about not letting nursery "get hold" of a six month old, and the suggestion that nursery is not good for babies felt a bit "ouch" as a mum who works full time in an office and who could have afforded to take a longer mat leave than I did.

JLou08 · 11/08/2023 21:37

So true! I worry about the children of parents that don't get this. If you are working full time your children are spending most of their time with someone else whilst you work. I have worked FT, PT and SAHM, no judgement on what anyone has to do, but how can people not see the benefits of being home with children, especially babies and toddlers. And why would you think SAHMs are spending all day cleaning and cooking, they are not. They are spending quality time with their children supporting their development and attachment.

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/08/2023 23:34

JLou08 · 11/08/2023 21:37

So true! I worry about the children of parents that don't get this. If you are working full time your children are spending most of their time with someone else whilst you work. I have worked FT, PT and SAHM, no judgement on what anyone has to do, but how can people not see the benefits of being home with children, especially babies and toddlers. And why would you think SAHMs are spending all day cleaning and cooking, they are not. They are spending quality time with their children supporting their development and attachment.

Parents? Don't you mean mothers? Because fathers are hardly lining up to be SAHP's.

That is the issue. Fathers aren't asked why they go back to work, they aren't asked if they are going back part time and they certainly aren't expected to be supported financially by their wives.

This contributes to inequality and supports sexist expectations.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 11/08/2023 23:36

JLou08 · 11/08/2023 21:37

So true! I worry about the children of parents that don't get this. If you are working full time your children are spending most of their time with someone else whilst you work. I have worked FT, PT and SAHM, no judgement on what anyone has to do, but how can people not see the benefits of being home with children, especially babies and toddlers. And why would you think SAHMs are spending all day cleaning and cooking, they are not. They are spending quality time with their children supporting their development and attachment.

Assuming you haven't posted on the wrong thread, I think you've spectacularly misunderstood the point of this one.

HeidiHunter · 12/08/2023 10:51

Claim child benefit too(especially when not earning eg on extended maternity leave). In addition to the money, you get a National Insurance credit for the year you claim child benefit which contributes to the number of years of NI for determining how much state pension you get. Also if you're a non-earner you can contribute £2880 to a pension that the government will add 20% to taking it to about £3500. Your husband/wife if working can give you the cash for this.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 13/08/2023 09:42

I absolutely agree with you. I'm now 66 with a lovely husband but I've done this since I was young. I called it my "Plan B" money. Just in case.Sometimes I had next to zero to put by. Sometimes a decent amount. Over the years we have both benefitted from it.