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Original poster

To literally BEG women to set themselves up, financially?

782 replies

CallieRedux · 07/08/2023 14:14

Typed out a long post full of personal details, then deleted, but, honestly, the specifics don't matter. What DOES matter is that you save every tiny bit you can, because having FUCK YOU money is - by far - the most important thing you can do for yourself.

It's saved me from everything from wrong relationships, shit jobs, from natural disasters... I have both made lots of money, and not, but having savings, and the ability to walk away is having POWER, and the best "self care" a woman can have.

Shit happens. Things change. Even to you. Yes, you can save - even a little - when you are poor.

Do it. Please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 17:59

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 17:42

And fwiw, of course I don't judge single mums or women who have no choice. All my posts have been in direct response to the narrative from certain posters in here that, in an ideal world, all women should be pushed into STEM; all should prioritise career over all else; 'just get childcare' asap; don't rely on a man for anything; don't expect anything of him financially; your money is your money and don't share with him or anyone ever. I think this is all a bit extreme and would make for a very anxious, restricted kind of society where, yet again, women and children would suffer the most.

You seem to judge a lot of women who want to be financially independent, use childcare and work in stem. What’s wrong with women not wanting to be dependent?

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:00

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 17:42

And fwiw, of course I don't judge single mums or women who have no choice. All my posts have been in direct response to the narrative from certain posters in here that, in an ideal world, all women should be pushed into STEM; all should prioritise career over all else; 'just get childcare' asap; don't rely on a man for anything; don't expect anything of him financially; your money is your money and don't share with him or anyone ever. I think this is all a bit extreme and would make for a very anxious, restricted kind of society where, yet again, women and children would suffer the most.

Why is it only ok for single mums and mums who have no choice? Why can’t they do it like in a couple men do? They don’t give up work to be a SAHD?

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/08/2023 18:00

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 17:27

It's not just you @Thepeopleversuswork. But in general, this is an opinions forum. Of course some people will be shocked and horrified that some women don't work. It produces an emotive response in many, as these threads show because women equate it with inequality. I can understand that. But also, other people will be shocked that babies as young as 12 weeks can be in childcare all week. People must realise this - it can hardly come as a surprise. Both situations could be described as quite rare, even extreme ends of a spectrum.

It only produces an emotive response when women go back to work at 3 months. Men often do it at 2 weeks.

Again, it goes back to sexism and the double standards society has for mothers and fathers.

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:02

DontMakeMeShushYou · 11/08/2023 16:29

Don't worry, I think the thread got derailed some time ago.

It's a shame. I think it was started with a genuine desire to try to prevent other women finding themselves in vulnerable financial situations but it seems to have been misinterpreted as being an attack on SAHMs and has descended into the usual SAHM/WOHM argument.

Show quote history

Yup no one has attacked SAHM, just want women to be financially independent

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:04

NellyBarney · 11/08/2023 17:22

If dh and I were to share childcare and both of us would work reasonable hours to achieve that, we would go from being financially very, very comfortable to being financially stressed. I enjoy my type of work, plus having time to be there with my dcs, and despite being Oxbridge educated, never fancied a career in the city. In fact, I got onto a banking graduate scheme and lasted 3 weeks, I hated it so much. Dh enjoys it and would hate what I do (I'm a manager of a retirement village with a hands on roll in pastoral care, community activities and end of life care). By supporting my dh in his career by doing most of the housework/childcare and working reduced hours, we can have almost everything we value, happy children, a lovely home, music lessons, instruments, art, holidays, pets, a nice car, a private education for our dc, a cleaner and gardener, pension savings and investments. If both worked say 30 hours on a median wage, we would lose a lot of life satisfaction and about 80% of our income. Most of all, my dh would lose the joy that comes from being successful in his job, and I would lose the joy that comes from knowing I can choose a job because of the meaning and joy it brings, not because it pays the mortgage.

Show quote history

How do you think that has an affect on women in the workplace?

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:05

NellyBarney · 11/08/2023 17:22

If dh and I were to share childcare and both of us would work reasonable hours to achieve that, we would go from being financially very, very comfortable to being financially stressed. I enjoy my type of work, plus having time to be there with my dcs, and despite being Oxbridge educated, never fancied a career in the city. In fact, I got onto a banking graduate scheme and lasted 3 weeks, I hated it so much. Dh enjoys it and would hate what I do (I'm a manager of a retirement village with a hands on roll in pastoral care, community activities and end of life care). By supporting my dh in his career by doing most of the housework/childcare and working reduced hours, we can have almost everything we value, happy children, a lovely home, music lessons, instruments, art, holidays, pets, a nice car, a private education for our dc, a cleaner and gardener, pension savings and investments. If both worked say 30 hours on a median wage, we would lose a lot of life satisfaction and about 80% of our income. Most of all, my dh would lose the joy that comes from being successful in his job, and I would lose the joy that comes from knowing I can choose a job because of the meaning and joy it brings, not because it pays the mortgage.

Show quote history

And interesting you think both couples working only earn a median wage. High earner needs SAHM, yet women don’t need SAHD?

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:06

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/08/2023 17:32

Maybe. There is certainly a lot of anxiety and defensiveness and people do certainly say unkind and unworthy things about SAHMs.

But I do also think if you're in the (extremely lucky) position of not having to worry about these things at all, a bit of sensitivity and empathy when wading into a debate with women who have had to make these choices wouldn't go amiss.

Show quote history

Thread is about women gaining financial independence, but turned into the @TheaPrentice show

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:08

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/08/2023 18:00

It only produces an emotive response when women go back to work at 3 months. Men often do it at 2 weeks.

Again, it goes back to sexism and the double standards society has for mothers and fathers.

Show quote history

Yup men can have careers, but women can’t. They need to sacrifice their university education to be a SAHM and let dh progress his career which has an affect on women in the workplace.

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:10

Anxioys · 11/08/2023 17:35

But these are myths that women can't do any of the below.

I mean, I send my children to private school, they have pets, holidays, I live in a nice area, but I did it. I mean, this is just a function of money. I suppose I could have got a man to do that but I didn't.

I was raided totally differently with the big house, father with the job and mother at home. Once we had reached a certain age then she had little to do: yes lots of voluntary work but she was bored. I never wanted to be like her, nor did my sister or brother. We have made our own arrangements for childcare much more equal as a result.

This is what I mean when I say the social norm is changing. I expect my daughters will have more tools and ideas to ensure they keep their independence as they go own to have families if they want to.

Exactly

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:20

"Thread is about women gaining financial independence, but turned into the @TheaPrentice show"

She says after about 6 consecutive posts. 😀

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:24

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:20

"Thread is about women gaining financial independence, but turned into the @TheaPrentice show"

She says after about 6 consecutive posts. 😀

I meant for the past few days.. You keep thinking people are talking about you and dissing SAHM's when that is far from the case. We just want women to be financially independent. But, you criticised working women for using childcare on a thread to support women.

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:29

You don't support women at all @anonymous. You have a very narrow vision of what women should confirm to and that's it.

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:30

And who doesn't want women to be financially independent? Talk about preaching to the choir.

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:33

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:29

You don't support women at all @anonymous. You have a very narrow vision of what women should confirm to and that's it.

Me and other pp's?

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:33

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:30

And who doesn't want women to be financially independent? Talk about preaching to the choir.

Then, you'd agree being a SAHM is financially vulnerable.

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:36

'Then, you'd agree being a SAHM is financially vulnerable.'

Oh my god. It can be. It can also not be.

SAHMs are ALL DIFFERENT.

How hard can this be?

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:39

What do you mean, how are all SAHMs different? What do you think?

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:40

Why are you linking yet another thread about SAHMs. I thought this wasn't about SAHMs?

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:42

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:39

What do you mean, how are all SAHMs different? What do you think?

I know you mean to marry a rich man because then you will have assets you can share in a divorce, build that up but many rich men can hide their assets and wealth.

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:43

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:40

Why are you linking yet another thread about SAHMs. I thought this wasn't about SAHMs?

Because you said all SAHM's are different and they're not financially dependent but that thread has 40 pages of women saying they're dependent. = women here telling other woman to be financially independent through work.

Same is for a woman who works part time. Not strictly SAHM's.

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:44

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 18:36

'Then, you'd agree being a SAHM is financially vulnerable.'

Oh my god. It can be. It can also not be.

SAHMs are ALL DIFFERENT.

How hard can this be?

As you said higlighted SAHMs are ALL DIFFERENT and How hard can this be?. You asked the question, I responded

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 19:02

For the last time...,

SAHMs are not a collective 'group.' Just as women who work may be anything from billionaires to MW earners scraping by day to day - and a billion things inbetween - this also applies to SAHMs.

Again, what do you even mean by a SAHM? Someone who stays with her baby for a few months? Years? Indefinitely?

Many SAHMs are some of the wealthiest women in society. Others may be among the poorest. Some may not be able to work because of a controlling partner, or the cost of childcare, or perhaps they are ill or their children have specific needs. Some women don't work because they are very privileged with millions in family assets and frankly don't need to. Some women are living abroad due to DH work and don't have work visas.

Some women step off the corporate ladder because they get to a point where they realise they despise it. Some women can't be arsed to work at all. Some women become a SAHM for a few years and change career direction. Some just go back to what they did before. Some retrain. All kinds of scenarios.

Some women have one child. Some have more than this.

Yes, some men can hide money. But this can happen in any type of marriage. There are husbands who don't even share their money in the first place!

To summarise, SAHMs (like WOHMs) are ALL DIFFERENT and there is no reason for you to assume they are any more financially vulnerable than you. They are equally as capable as you of assessing their own financial vulnerability and acting accordingly,

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 19:06

TheaPrentice · 11/08/2023 19:02

For the last time...,

SAHMs are not a collective 'group.' Just as women who work may be anything from billionaires to MW earners scraping by day to day - and a billion things inbetween - this also applies to SAHMs.

Again, what do you even mean by a SAHM? Someone who stays with her baby for a few months? Years? Indefinitely?

Many SAHMs are some of the wealthiest women in society. Others may be among the poorest. Some may not be able to work because of a controlling partner, or the cost of childcare, or perhaps they are ill or their children have specific needs. Some women don't work because they are very privileged with millions in family assets and frankly don't need to. Some women are living abroad due to DH work and don't have work visas.

Some women step off the corporate ladder because they get to a point where they realise they despise it. Some women can't be arsed to work at all. Some women become a SAHM for a few years and change career direction. Some just go back to what they did before. Some retrain. All kinds of scenarios.

Some women have one child. Some have more than this.

Yes, some men can hide money. But this can happen in any type of marriage. There are husbands who don't even share their money in the first place!

To summarise, SAHMs (like WOHMs) are ALL DIFFERENT and there is no reason for you to assume they are any more financially vulnerable than you. They are equally as capable as you of assessing their own financial vulnerability and acting accordingly,

But, that is your experience. Why can't others talk about their own?

NellyBarney · 11/08/2023 19:09

anonymousxoxo · 11/08/2023 18:04

How do you think that has an affect on women in the workplace?

Show quote history

My dh big CEO boss is a woman. She enjoys her job. Dh regularly promotes women. There are many women who enjoy high earning careers, and good for them. There are many, women or men, who enjoy teaching, art, caring processions, or being a doctor, nurse, police officer. Of course a single teacher, or two teachers, could support themselves financially, but if together they make the decision that they could support each other and their family better by 1 of the choosing a high powered, all consuming career and the other one trying to balance family and their work, or maybe even staying at home, then this is totally fine. I hope for my own dd to have choices one day, to be able to chose a high powered career, or if she prefers, be a SAHM or work part time, or to work ft in a job she really enjoys, even if it doesn't pay much.