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Original poster

To literally BEG women to set themselves up, financially?

782 replies

CallieRedux · 07/08/2023 14:14

Typed out a long post full of personal details, then deleted, but, honestly, the specifics don't matter. What DOES matter is that you save every tiny bit you can, because having FUCK YOU money is - by far - the most important thing you can do for yourself.

It's saved me from everything from wrong relationships, shit jobs, from natural disasters... I have both made lots of money, and not, but having savings, and the ability to walk away is having POWER, and the best "self care" a woman can have.

Shit happens. Things change. Even to you. Yes, you can save - even a little - when you are poor.

Do it. Please.

OP posts:
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13
manontroppo · 07/08/2023 22:13

To the woman at the top of her pay band with a dickhead waster husband - go find another job, no one is going to give you more money for the fun of it. Don’t just sit there and think, oh well, top of band and that’s that. Go out and hustle!

I get that it’s not as easy as that, but I bet you have loads of transferable skills and loads of people on here will help with CVS etc. Take control of your own future!

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:14

me a woman is the problem and I should leave rather than challenge and make the workplace better for women?

Er, no? Sure stay & challenge it if you wish. I'm just pointing out you have the choice to go to other workplaces which won't be peopled by privileged men with SAHM.

Like the ones I've described. 🤷🏻‍♀️

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:14

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:12

@Frazzledmum123

Not patronising.

Any woman can find themselves in a situation they could not imagine (do you never read the Relationships Board? 🙄)

This includes you. Of course I hope it never will! But it is possible. As is the fact that he could quite easily decide to an unfair manipulative bastard.

Of course you can't live life thinking like this but you are naive if you don't realise it's possible & think in some way of your own security.

because I KNOW, and I don't care how arrogant that sounds but I do know, that he would always without doubt do what is best for the kids and that wouldn't be to hurt me

You don't know. I've seen with my own eyes (not my own situation as my H was not in anyway decent!) but other situations where guys you'd never imagine doing this, utterly screwed their wives & kids.

And you're right - I said this - I was myself naive, trusting & lacking in self-esteem which meant I ignored red flags. BUT where abuse is involved it's insidious. What I had no foresight of his that he would be an abuser. That's the point. So perhaps you need to think about your own patronising approach.

It's not about having an escape fund necessarily. It's about valuing yourself so that you ensure you have proper provision that's not dependent on someone else entirely.

Have a read through this thread:

Men whose lives are facilitated by women - how did this happen??! | Mumsnet

Now that I'm in my mid-40s I look around at my peers and am astounded that so many men my age have their lives facilitated by women: wives who don't w...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3082251-Men-whose-lives-are-facilitated-by-women-how-did-this-happen

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:16

@anonymousxoxo

I'll leave it there. You are building strawmen arguments & have ignored most of my points (which is ok)

It is however a bit rich to talk about feminism when you specifically blamed SAHM (so other women) for your career progression challenges 🤦🏻‍♀️

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:17

She is genuinely just deluded

Don't be so rude - I've simply countered your attack on SAHM.

(And your comment at the end of that post makes no sense - this poster is arguing against my point that women should ensure financial independence!)

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:18

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:16

@anonymousxoxo

I'll leave it there. You are building strawmen arguments & have ignored most of my points (which is ok)

It is however a bit rich to talk about feminism when you specifically blamed SAHM (so other women) for your career progression challenges 🤦🏻‍♀️

I said SAHM are contributing it because they are facilitating a man's career
The man is contributing to it because they are participating in it rather than encouraging their partner to have a career aswell

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:20

This reply has been deleted

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anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:21

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:14

me a woman is the problem and I should leave rather than challenge and make the workplace better for women?

Er, no? Sure stay & challenge it if you wish. I'm just pointing out you have the choice to go to other workplaces which won't be peopled by privileged men with SAHM.

Like the ones I've described. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Judging by your username all you care about is earrings and lipstick anyway. You are the people feminists hate because you're ignorant.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:22

I said SAHM are contributing it because they are facilitating a man's career

Women with their partners choose to be SAHM for their own reasons.

It's not up to you, or me, to judge that.

All of us have advantages & disadvantages compared to others.

I have no view on SAHM per se, but I do urge women to think about all scenarios when they make that choice.

And on that note - night! 🙂

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:23

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:22

I said SAHM are contributing it because they are facilitating a man's career

Women with their partners choose to be SAHM for their own reasons.

It's not up to you, or me, to judge that.

All of us have advantages & disadvantages compared to others.

I have no view on SAHM per se, but I do urge women to think about all scenarios when they make that choice.

And on that note - night! 🙂

See, this is what I meant by deluded.

They choose to become SAHM usually because of childcare costs and low salary, wonder why..

I have views on SAHM AND men who have SAHM as partners because BOTH affect me in the workplace.

GoingInsaneAhhh · 07/08/2023 22:24

Absolutely agree. I also think teens should start reading mumsnet to help them identifying low lifes/red flags and knowledge about their rights. I wish id known about mumsnet earlier!!!

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:25

This endless blaming of SAHMs for perceived inequalities in the workplace is ridiculous. You have no idea what goes on in the lives of these so-called 'privileged men with facilitating wives.' No idea at all! Anything could be going on in their lives. They could have other disadvantages and worries you don't have. Stop comparing yourselves to other families until you have walked in their shoes. Stop assuming.

Namddf · 07/08/2023 22:25

Zipps · 07/08/2023 15:28

Well said. So many on here and in real life don't. Absolutely zero excuse these days. I know plenty of women with disabilities and disabled dc that still work, invest and have their own finances but this seems to be the number excuse for women on MN not to work. Number two being that their partner is an high earner. Plenty more excuses get trotted out.
Too many also think inheritance or other people's will save them.
I don't understand why some women in 2023 think they should somehow be protected from being involved in sorting themselves out financially.
I have contributed equally financially and am as well off as my DH. We have separate as well as joint investments, savings and our own pensions.

But, as others have pointed out, this would all be viewed as joint if you were to divorce.

DeeCeeCherry · 07/08/2023 22:25

The women scorning SAHMs sound exactly like sexist dictatory men. Double whammy.

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:26

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:25

This endless blaming of SAHMs for perceived inequalities in the workplace is ridiculous. You have no idea what goes on in the lives of these so-called 'privileged men with facilitating wives.' No idea at all! Anything could be going on in their lives. They could have other disadvantages and worries you don't have. Stop comparing yourselves to other families until you have walked in their shoes. Stop assuming.

Again, missing the part where I blamed the husband for allowing to be facilitated like SAHM is his mother also but ok.

Heatherbell1978 · 07/08/2023 22:26

I'm married but always been obsessed with having financial independence - our finances are joint these days but I control and manage all the money and earn enough that I could support me and the kids if we split. I'll be hammering this into my DD(6). DH has 18 year old niece who atm isn't doing very much and said last week that she aspires to me like her mum and gran. Neither work (or worked in MIL case) and have always lived off men and now this is what she wants for herself. Girls need female role models!

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:27

DeeCeeCherry · 07/08/2023 22:25

The women scorning SAHMs sound exactly like sexist dictatory men. Double whammy.

Again, missing the part where I blamed the husband for allowing to be facilitated like SAHM is his mother also but ok.

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:29

"Again, missing the part where I blamed the husband for allowing to be facilitated like SAHM is his mother also but ok."

What does this even mean? You have no business 'blaming' anyone, man or woman. You are wasting your energy with all this.

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:30

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:29

"Again, missing the part where I blamed the husband for allowing to be facilitated like SAHM is his mother also but ok."

What does this even mean? You have no business 'blaming' anyone, man or woman. You are wasting your energy with all this.

Feminism and equality in the workplace, which you clearly don't care for.

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:32

Stay weird anonymousxoxo!

anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:33

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:32

Stay weird anonymousxoxo!

Great comeback!

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:36

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anonymousxoxo · 07/08/2023 22:37

This reply has been deleted

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Can you make a point without making personal attacks?

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2023 22:39

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 22:00

In regards to who I work with

Yes. Who you work with. Which is not everywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️

But in the post from you I quoted you cited generally men with SAHM wives being an issue for female promotion

Hence why I took issue with it. If it's true for you, that's one thing. You can't generalise to everyone. I'm frankly horrified that it seems to be ok to attack SAHM as the cause of issues you perceive.

Pointing out the negative impact that choosing to be a SAHM can have on society as a whole isn't attacking SAHM's. It's highlighting how it enables inequality within the workplace amongst other things.

Again, many SAHM's say it on here themselves. A benefit to their individual family is that it facilitates the mans career. It's great for them but not so much for society.

TheaPrentice · 07/08/2023 22:39

Ok fair enough.

My point is - stop making assumptions about other people's families.

It is none of your business and you are almost certainly wrong.

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