3 year old being taught to pray at nursery, aibu to not be comfortable with this?

[arobynw]

Hello fellow mums,

Been umming and erring over posting all weekend as religion is such a sensitive subject and I admit that because I don’t follow any religion (atheist), I’m worried I may unintentionally offend someone. If I do, I’m sorry! I’m happy to be educated!

My 3 year old son goes to an amazing nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. They follow an effective curriculum and he has grown and developed so much in their care.

Last week, he moved up to nursery school as he has just turned 3 years old. He has found the move very overwhelming but we expected it as it’s a big move. By Wednesday, we were sat down having a small tea together and I was sure I heard him say “need to say prayers” but that was it. On Thursday, we picked him up early as it was his birthday so we had a proper dinner all together. I had started eating and he told me “no no no no! You haven’t said prayers!” I was confused but asked him to say the prayers. His speech isn’t the clearest yet, but I definitely made out amen at the end.

I haven’t told him not to say prayers or shown to him that I’ve been uncomfortable, just thanked him and ate dinner.

I do not have a problem with people following religion, so long as it’s not forced on anyone who doesn’t wish to follow a religion. I am also fine with my son following a religion if he wishes, however I want him to have the ability to make that informed decision on his own when he is old enough to think for himself.

his nursery is not a CoE nursery and he’s never done prayers here previously so I was quite surprised that he is very clearly saying prayers now. If it was simply saying thanks for food etc I’d be ok with that, but there is definitely a religious theme to the prayers.

there are 24 kids in his room and I don’t want to be awkward and cause a stink or make things difficult for his incredible key workers, but I do feel uncomfortable as I feel like it’s being forced upon him.

is my lack of knowledge in this area the problem rather than what’s happening? Am I being unreasonable? What should I do?

thank you all

@MariaVT65 I wouldn’t want my children thanking what I believe to be a fictional character for a meal I have worked to pay for.
Guessing there's no Father Christmas in your house 😂

Haven't read the full thread, but honestly, what's the worst that can happen? That he will learn the concept of gratefulness? That he will learn to keep habits and traditions? That he will believe in a higher power? As long as they are not teaching a specific religion that you don't agree with.

As an aside, thank you for being very tactful in how you described your concerns.

The thing is, people have the right to choose which mythology, if any, they subscribe to.

What do you think will happen if you allow Father Christmas into your child's life but not Jesus?

Thunderbolt from Zeus?

My kids can know about santa, but I won’t be telling them their presents are from santa. I never believed in santa. We don’t have a chimney or fireplace either so I cba to make up some other crap about how he gets into the house.

I'm not religious so no, I just thought it was amusing to read because how it was phrased sounded the same as what many of us do with the whole Santa thing. Actually when you think about it many parents use him all year round, he is watching to make sure you're being good etc. it's very similar!
Interestingly my children have all gone to Catholic primary schools but because we don't practice it at home none of them are religious/believe in God as adults. They've stopped believing in Father Christmas too no matter how much I keep up the pretence.

And as an aside you both may be interested in this BBC report which details how WS or Steiner schools believe in reincarnation, and most concerningly, are based in racist views. All belief systems, including ‘secularism’ have potential for harm. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-28646118

So what potential for harm is there in "secularism"?

Secularism isn't necessarily a belief system.

It can be described as a system or a principle of administering and funding schools which respects the right of parents to choose what their children will or will not be exposed to in school when it comes to religion, without the social stigma of having some children removed from the classroom during certain lessons.

I personally chose not to send my children to a Steiner school because I sensed there was more to it all than rounded edges and a limited colour palette in the decor. What put my hackles up was a brush with a teacher of one of my DDs insinuating to me that she had got her art 'wrong'. Then I did a bit of research and as a result, I didn't re-enroll DD in any more taster sessions at the school.

I chose to send the DCs to a RC primary school as opposed to one run by protestant fairly fundamentalist Christians locally because I'm RC and not a fundamentalist protestant. If my DCs had gone to the local state school they would have attended evening or weekend religious ed classes run by my parish.

It's possible to be both a person of faith and a secularist.

Agree, @CurlewKate

IME a large percentage of the people who use the word "secularist" don't actually know what that means.

@TizerorFizz no, the nearest I've been is seeing one on youtube.

@sashh The fundamentals of being a Quaker are interesting and I think quite a lot of people would find it meets a need for reflection.

Is he learning the prayers from nursery? Or something he's seen on TV?

Your DC is learning about diversity which is a positive thing. If you're concerned, ask questions of the nursery manager. No need to panic!

Double standards here I think. There are Christians you are offending with this comment. Basically saying it's made believe and encouraging your child to not be respectful of her teacher following this religion. Shame on you.

Learning about diversity? How do you figure that?

@crushercreel As in learning that some people pray before a meal. Really, isn't that hard to understand. Children's curriculum teaches about 'the world around them'. If OP is opposed, then they have every right to intervene. Otherwise let the DC learn other people's values and even (dare we say or think it) try it out, afteralll the parent/main carer is the one that will guide their own child in what they see is best. Let the boy wear a dress if he wants (springs to mind) :)

You're definitely not being unreasonable - i'd want to know more about it.

There was religious stuff at my kids' nursery, but they learned about all religions. I was dubious at first and wound up asking about it. What they learned was more educational than indoctrination so i felt more comfortable. Some of the kids were raised with different religious backgrounds, all the kids learned about Eid, for instance, it was mainly stories and sweets, done in a fun way. At Christmas time and Easter those were celebrated too in a similar way (and the parents from non-Christian households didn't exclude their children from those days). It wasn't done in a pushy way and none of my kids are religious today. You should absolutely ask though.

Praying isn’t diversity. Learning about different cultures is. Not an isolated prayer with no context.

Telling them some people pray isn't the same as telling them they have to pray. Really isn't that hard to understand.

@crushercreel - Oh are we assuming the OP's dc was 'told to pray'.. I obviously misunderstood! (I really didn't) Or perhaps l as I stated, OP check it out for themselves. fgs!

Exactly encouraging religious intolerance is really not preferable to moving to another school!

send your child to a Catholic school and then complain and belittle people following their faith.

Maybe there’s a reason faith based schools often have. Better results

It's okay, we all misunderstand sometimes.

@crushercreel Thanks for that.. erm clarity:))