Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

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How would you feel in this scenario? You organise a major family holiday overseas for DH plus 2 teens, highlight of which is a day trip to visit one of the wonders of the world. So a big deal in terms of something really special to enjoy together as a family - a once in a lifetime thing. When we park, DH walks so fast towards the attraction which is about a 5 min walk, that I cant possibly keep up with him as I cant walk at same pace (im a regular speed walker, he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people) and have to dodge others using the same path. Our teens are able to keep up with his pace and as theyre increasingly taking cues from his behaviour they zoom ahead at speed at DH's pace, meaning Im tagging along behind. Im about 60 seconds behind them & i can see theyve almost reached the spot where theyll see the landmark for the first time - an experience a family would naturally want to share right? I call out for them to wait - my DH turns, sees that im only moments behind them and carries on to the main lookout point and they take in their first view of it without me. I get there a minute later and i feel so upset that i wasnt able to witness their reaction to seeing this incredible landmark which was the highlight of our whole trip. I ask DH why he didnt wait for me and he says 'you were slower than us, youre here now so it doesnt matter', completely oblivious to why id be upset that wed missed this shared family moment. He has often walked way ahead of me - like at airports - which ive always found pretty inconsiderate and rude. He says he just wants to get there and its not his fault if i 'walk slowly' (which i dont, he just zooms everywhere). This has left me feeling really overlooked and disregarded - I had arranged the whole trip (somewhere he wanted to go) and what really hurts is not just that he didnt even consider that this is something we were all doing together - its not 'together' if you leave someone behind - but that his behaviour is encouraging the same lack of consideration in our kids, who were so focussed on keeping up with him virtually sprinting down the street that they didnt wait for me either (which is to be expected as he was driving the behaviour). He had seen the landmark twice before too. He genuinely feels i have no reason at all to be offended or upset by what happened. I feel ive been robbed of a special family moment. I know that walking ahead is often mentioned as a common narcissistic personality trait. He does show some other elements around control etc and im now thinking is this behaviour designed to emphasise his role as the 'in charge' person, who doesnt feel the need to compromise to show consideration for others? And that walking together in a group gives off some kind of air of equality that they cant deal with? AIBU for feeling really upset about this? Its left me in tears

Good for you!
The road runners on this thread spectacularly miss the point - accommodating a slower walker is about respect and making sure nobody is left behind.

I'd bide my time. Next holiday, park far away. Let them all get out and let them walk to the destination. You then park much closer and get see the thing before they do. Next book a lunch/ dinner for quarter past the hour. Tell them the tables booked for half past. Tuck in

It matters to the op, even if you don't agree with this.

Imo your partner or spouses feelings should matter to you. If my dh thought something was important, I wouldn't disregard this in favour of something I could easily change with no impact to myself

Op doesn't sound like a dawdler, it's rude to march off and leave others behind because you can't control your lack of patience.

He and the kids could've waited for op to catch up at the entrance or a couple of minutes before seeing the sight allowing them all to experience it together but selfishly he didn't.

The issue isn't ops pace it's her rude and thoughtless dh. No one enjoys being frog marched from A to B.

My Grandfather was very tall - and my Granny very short. He always walked fast when he wasn't with her; I remember struggling to keep up with him even though there was 60 years between us! Granny on the other hand was a really slow walker, almost frustratingly so.
But when Grandad was out with my Granny, he walked really slowly too. I remember him saying that he lets Granny 'set the pace', and deliberately stayed a little bit behind her to make sure she didn't feel rushed. He never paced ahead of her, or told her to hurry up.
They traveled all over Europe together during their 65 years of marriage, with their children and with us grandkids too. The worst thing any of us could do in his eyes was disrespect/back chat her and he talked about her like she was a Goddess to the very last. Miss them both ❤️

How caring and loving you sound. Your idea of companionship is very transactional.

Most people don't think like this.

I'm a naturally fast walker. I've never found it an effort at all to slow down when required.

Either there's something quite wrong with those who can't, or its just an excuse for your impatience with others.

he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people

So if the kids copy his behaviour and have started barging people out of the way, does that somehow make him right on that front too?

Hes an arrogant prick, barging people because he thinks he’s so important.

Exactly. I prefer walking fast. But I can walk slower and often do. And if someone I cared for asked me to slow down, I definitely would. It's about caring for others.

I don't see anything amiss with afishcalledbreanda's post? It's not transaction, it sounds mutually respectful and caring to me. Perhaps you've misread it?

Why would you go on holiday with others if not to spend time with them? Is it just to avoid a single supplement? Surely that would be a small price to pay if that were the case?

One of these days, OP, your husband will plough ahead, barge somebody over and receive a well-deserved smack for it. I hope you will be there to witness it.

he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people

It was noticeable this last week away that my teen DD and me got walked into and walked in front of much more than DS or DH which does slow us down - often had to get in slip stream of them to get through crowds but DH and Ds aren't barging though people.

Barging though does suggest a bit of an attitude towards everyone including the OP though even normal walking off is upsetting if you are the one struggling behind feeling everyone is impatient with you and feeling under pressure to stop holding everyone up.

My husband does this. He is 14 inches taller than me and can't seem to help it. My two dc are much taller than me also, so if we're all together I often trail behind. I just yell out "oi, slow down, wait for me".

I honestly can't believe you needed that many words to say "my husband walks ahead of me and it annoys me, what can I do?"

The OP doesn't "do speed walking". She says she is a "regular speed walker" in that she walks at a regular speed.

I went on a treasure hunt in a colleagues group. The two tall chaps had to rest because of aching backs caused by trying to walk at smaller people's pace. Walking slowly can be difficult for a zoomer.

My partner is a zoomer and will barrel across roads like a dog off the lead, while I hesitate and check for speed of oncoming cars. I'm convinced from many many things that he has ADHD.

Although we're about the same height, he's mostly constructed of legs, while I'm mostly constructed of bum.

My mother is elderly with arthritis and often has to remind me to slow down for her. I'm mortified, because I don't like feeling left behind, myself.

I'm an in betweener.

With your husband, try writing it down. Calmly, clearly, how it makes you feel when he doesn't consider his wife who can't quite go at his pace. Tell him you appreciate his enthusiasm and energy and would also appreciate if he'd bear in mind that you'd like to be walking together as a family. You'll try and pick up the pace, he'll try and moderate his, to meet you in the middle and set an example of consideration and compromise to the children.

Because it's all about how the companion benefits them and nothing about just enjoying being with them and sharing their experience. Maybe that's how you see others and that's why you see nothing wrong with it. Or perhaps you've misread it?

I don't understand your second paragraph at all as it seems to support my argument not afishcalledbreanda's. Perhaps you're confused. Or as usual just being contrary.

IME once you adapt your pave to the slow walker they get ever slower. It's like they want to be at the back.

Granted I am talking about one in particular.

To those whove embellished my post with their own version of events.

1. I am not a 'dawdler' or a 'faffer' and i dont have 'mobility issues' - i regularly walk with many other people & this only occurs with DH.

1. A person cant just "compromise and speed up" if theyre already walking at a pace where theyre almost breaking into a run. If youre walking at max pace and been left behind, there is no 'compromising' to be done. Please read what i posted not what you think i posted and know that your replies that im being 'selfish' by not keeping up - when there is no way of going even faster without sprinting everywhere - are in themselves rude.

1. DH isnt doing this due to being physically 'unable' to lower his pace. Ive seen him adjust his behaviour for others.

1. Nowhere did i mention being obsessed with capturing perfect social media moments. I wanted to experience this together as a family - we were on a family holiday. Not for anyone else.

1. This upset me - if you dont care about sharing moments with others, good for you. That doesnt invalidate how it made me feel.

Thanks to those who actually got the point of my post.

but this time it meant missing a big moment with my kids.

Have you asked your kids to slow down?

You’ve tried telling your DH but nothing changes, so why not try telling your kids that you’re walking as fast as you can but you just can’t keep up.

It would annoy me if you were dawdling and I probably would walk on ahead as I hate walking too slow but it sounds like he’s not even stopping to wait for you to catch up which is the dickish move.

I read it the same way, all about how it benefits them.

Also the children are keeping up with him because hes constantly rushing them and tells them off otherwise for 'being slow'. So theyre galloping along right behind him for a quiet life.

Stand your ground on the pavement. I would say loudly - single file children - and absolutely not step into the road.

My hubby used to be a fast walker, not so much now with his health issues, and what i used to do was slow down even more that i normally would and just amble along at my own pace and sod everyone else, lots of times he had to stand around waiting for me to catch up lol

But then don't you intervene and say, 'For heaven's sake, stop rushing them, let's all slow down and enjoy this'? Or if you already do, what happens?

I’m a fast walker, I find it really unnatural to walk slowly, it’s uncomfortable even, I don’t zoom around everywhere (maybe to slow walkers it seems like I do) and barge through people, I will walk slower if I have to, but it doesn’t come naturally at all and I would prefer to walk at my natural speed and wait for someone, but out of politeness I do try to match whoever I am with. If they are really slow it’s quite unpleasant though.