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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They don't want to come to our house!

277 replies

Blueswirl · 06/08/2023 12:45

My sister lives overseas and comes over for a few weeks in the summer. It's the highlight of mum's year and we arrange our holiday etc so we can see them. She packs in a lot in but prioritised mum's and my Birthdays, or so I thought! I booked a table for mum's and bought a big cake to have back at hers afterwards but when I told her the arrangements for mine she said they might not be free! DH booked a table for 9 and she only confirmed the day before and said they were too busy to come back to ours after for Birthday cake!

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

OP posts:
Floppyear · 08/08/2023 11:25

You say they have a same aged child and only slightly older
and they’ve been doing it every year

toomuchlaundry · 08/08/2023 11:27

@Floppyear maybe they don't have the money

Hibiscrubbed · 08/08/2023 11:27

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 09:00

What I’m doing it’s looking at the fact for years there’s been no issue

and this issue - she’s less flexible

So unless a big family blow up, it will be because she has older children with their no preferences now or her partner wants to change things up or she just wants to do something else

and given she’s the one travelling long haul, you should let her be

I really think you need to stand back from Mumsnet. For your own good. Your posts are so intense.

Hibiscrubbed · 08/08/2023 11:30

and plentiful.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 08/08/2023 11:33

Floppyear · 08/08/2023 11:25

You say they have a same aged child and only slightly older
and they’ve been doing it every year

Has it occurred to you that the OP’s sister might simply have different views on whether children can cope with long haul flights? What with her being a different person and everything?

My parents took me to the US when I wasn’t even one. Some people thought they were mad. That was up to them! None of them were obliged to take their child on a long haul flight just because my parents had, and my parents didn’t have to change their mind just because others disagreed with their decision.

Did you know hobbies can be wonderfully fulfilling?

Floppyear · 08/08/2023 12:34

Different views? Absolutely

but… if you’re going to have different views re not visiting your sister due to long haul travel versus your sister being happy to do it… you would expect that your sister may have different views re what she wishes to do with her husband and children after she has travelled long haul for a short Period of time

PrincessFiorimonde · 08/08/2023 12:57

OP, I think you've displayed a lot of patience on this thread. It's nice that you've agreed your sister and family might just not fancy an extra trip from the restaurant/pub to your house, and then back to your mum's. So you're going to take the cake with you instead. All fine! Hope you have a lovely birthday, and hope the weather is good enough for all of you to enjoy the beer garden.

If you ever start another thread, consider using another board, like Chat, and avoiding AIBU.

Positive41 · 08/08/2023 13:40

The birthday's should have been done together.

I get it about the kids. Its much easier having kids at home so they can play/chill out and the adults can relax at home. Its your sister, that's what family do?

Original poster
Blueswirl · 08/08/2023 15:01

PrincessFiorimonde · 08/08/2023 12:57

OP, I think you've displayed a lot of patience on this thread. It's nice that you've agreed your sister and family might just not fancy an extra trip from the restaurant/pub to your house, and then back to your mum's. So you're going to take the cake with you instead. All fine! Hope you have a lovely birthday, and hope the weather is good enough for all of you to enjoy the beer garden.

If you ever start another thread, consider using another board, like Chat, and avoiding AIBU.

Thank you! And I will take your advice, not posting on here again! 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueswirl · 08/08/2023 15:55

Positive41 · 08/08/2023 13:40

The birthday's should have been done together.

I get it about the kids. Its much easier having kids at home so they can play/chill out and the adults can relax at home. Its your sister, that's what family do?

Mum wouldn't want to share her Birthday especially as they are in different months!
I think next year I will focus on doing something with other family and friends, then if my sister's family are too busy to come for long then it won't matter.

OP posts:
Sewerdrain · 08/08/2023 16:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Sewerdrain · 08/08/2023 16:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Frazzledatfifty · 08/08/2023 18:00

How about inviting them to yours for lunch/BBQ? Everyone can relax at home and enjoy being together, cousins can play, no time restraint on the table etc etc… Nice for your sister and her fam to spend time at your house with you. I know it will be your birthday and you normally go out and might find hosting a faff but it would be nice… Go out with DH and kids (and your Mum maybe) another day… Or - plan a different day out - rather than a restaurant/cake - go on a proper full fam outing… an activity, a stately home, beach… I don’t know where you live - but go and have a really good day out together!

Spirallingdownwards · 08/08/2023 18:05

I anticipate that next year your sister may not be available for lunch if you were this intense with her about not going back for cake.

phoenixrosehere · 08/08/2023 18:33

Blueswirl · 08/08/2023 10:12

They are older and she chose to move overseas. We will go over there when ours are older, everyone is fine with that!

Show quote history

How old are yours and hers? Have you done any plane rides since your children have been born?

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 18:41

Blueswirl · 06/08/2023 16:51

Before we had the kids as its a long plane ride but we will do again when they are older.

Show quote history

So you won't make the journey to her because you think it's a long plane ride and yet she is expected to do it every year until the time comes when you decide your children are old enough which you don't actually say when that is

Coolmom81 · 08/08/2023 18:48

I’m sure it’s exciting to have your sister home to visit and you probably to spend as much time with then as possible. However, as others have said this is their holiday also and they probably have other family/friends to visit and they also probably to take their children to do activities. Lunch and cake at Nanny’s/Aunties probably isn’t very exciting for the kids. I’ve done it Myself… said yes to everyone then realised I don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything I’ve said yes to. This was probably one of those. I think you both set out with the best of intentions, just enjoy the time you get to spend with them

CherryMaDeara · 08/08/2023 18:49

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 18:41

So you won't make the journey to her because you think it's a long plane ride and yet she is expected to do it every year until the time comes when you decide your children are old enough which you don't actually say when that is

Show quote history

Eh? No where has OP said she expects her sister to fly over every year!

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 08/08/2023 18:51

Jesus are all you posters such argumentative pedants in real life? 🤣

OP I think you're being a teeny bit unreasonable in that I can imagine the last thing I'd want after a big lunch is to go to another venue for cake - perhaps with your elderly mother it feels easier as they're staying there - but I can see it's disappointing when your sister originally said she'd blocked out a whole afternoon. I hope you have a fab birthday!

Sewerdrain · 08/08/2023 18:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 18:56

It's also about the fact that nowhere is it mentioned that they celebrate the other sisters birthday and if they don't travel they definitely aren't celebrating it

Hibiscrubbed · 08/08/2023 18:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Inviting a family member to their house for cake after dinner, which they agreed to, before changing their mind at the last moment…

Nope. Can’t see that that is particularly demanding?!

So many mad and argumentative posters on here. How do you all get through the week?!

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 18:59

Just wondering since you have made no mention of it. When do you celebrate your sisters birthday. Even if it's not on her actual birthday some recognition might seem like you actually care about her rather than her celebrating your birthday every year while you do nothing for her

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 19:22

You have ignored the question as you don't actually give actual ages of the children

Jwardqws · 08/08/2023 19:23

And yet she has said that she won't fly over to see her sister so yes she has said she expects her sister to fly over

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