They don't want to come to our house!

[Blueswirl]

My sister lives overseas and comes over for a few weeks in the summer. It's the highlight of mum's year and we arrange our holiday etc so we can see them. She packs in a lot in but prioritised mum's and my Birthdays, or so I thought! I booked a table for mum's and bought a big cake to have back at hers afterwards but when I told her the arrangements for mine she said they might not be free! DH booked a table for 9 and she only confirmed the day before and said they were too busy to come back to ours after for Birthday cake!

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

It sounds like they probably felt a bit tired and overscheduled. Several weeks of "vacation" can be quite tiring, especially if it involves a lot of running around to visit various friends and family. On the other hand, as her sister, and assuming there is no big backstory of major conflict between the two of you, I would think you would take priority as one of the people she wants to spend the most time with. It sounds like these two birthday events are the majority of the time she spends with you when she visits and I actually am a bit surprised she does not spend more time with you and your kids, considering she is in the country for "a few weeks" (from your first post). I think two days with you (or less, in this case) is not much, for the amount of time she's in the country. However I am only going by what you post here. If you also pop over to your mum's every night to have tea with your sister, then that's totally different.

I think you’re being unreasonable, sorry. I live abroad and on one of my very few and far between trips home, I need to pack in seeing all friends and family and it takes a lot of time and careful planning. I don’t have time to let people make extra plans for me! My husband isn’t British so has nobody to visit，so I can imagine your sister is even busier than me if her husband is British because they’ll need to fit in his friends and family too.

I think that's a bit shit after she expects you to arrange both yours and your mum's birthdays every year to include them.

Definitely do what you want next year. Invite them but don't work around them.

And don't feel obliged to organise a party for mum.

No, there's no history of conflict apart from her sometimes being a bit sharp with people.

3 or 4 weeks usually involves them staying at mum's and doing something with her most days, or mum babysitting whilst she goes out, a meal out and then somewhere for the rest of the afternoon for mum's and my birthdays, a couple of visits to dad, a visit to her best friend and then seeing us a couple more times at a park then our house, or a day out somewhere. When we went over there, her husband's family was really hospitable so I wanted to do the same, especially as he hasn't been able to come for a few years.

I planned our holiday and kids activities around them, so I suppose it's disappointing if they only want to see us for a couple of hours when we have cleared the whole day.

I think they were quite busy this time and wanted to plan time for just chilling out. I just won't wait around and rely on her being free next year.

Oh and we live 20 minutes drive from mum so it's not hard to meet up.

He isn't British.

Thanks! 🙂

When I lived abroad and travelled home to see family I always made sure to book a separate break somewhere other than my home town, usually at the end of the 'business' (family) part of the trip. So concentrated on family while with them, then something just for me.

Yeah, that is not great. Sorry to hear that. If it helps, we have had, not exactly the same, but maybe a similar type of dynamic, with certain family members. We travel to see them, and it's quite a big trip for us, and when we're trying to schedule it, they'll say, oh we can't schedule it yet, because we're waiting to hear about this or that really cool camp and whether the kids can go. Or they'll say, "well that week won't work because we have this one day thing we want one of our kids to do." Meanwhile we can't schedule ANY of our other activities because we're waiting to hear when they'll be available, and if we didn't wait, we wouldn't see them at all. I roll my eyes privately but I just work around them. I wouldn't like the kids being disappointed like you said, though. That would really bother me. However now that you know your kids really want to host their cousins, you can make it a priority for next year.

I don’t think there’s necessarily anything odd about that. If it’s a long haul flight and they’re spending weeks there at a time, it will be expensive and probably inconvenient from an annual leave perspective for him to come every year - especially when he doesn’t have family of his own in the UK. It surely makes sense financially and practically to prioritise the OP’s sister and the children going.

@ConfusedByThisShit

I agree! I was interested to know why the sis couldn't make it after the lunch and to discover she only went back to her mums and played boardgames must be a huge disappointment to OP and I don't get the hard time she's getting on here either. op has said many times her sis plans the trip for her and mum's birthdays. It must feel like a slap on the face to find out board games was the reason why she couldn't come back to the house.

If It was me I would not make any plans for my future birthdays.

OP from now on just do your own thing with your family and if anyone wants to come along they can but don't go out your way to make anyone aware of your birthday plans if they ask they ask.

He doesn't have big flare ups, they occasionally clash as they are very different people, last one was a year or 2 ago, so not remembered for my original post!

So maybe it was two years ago.

What’s your point? Are you trying to say the OP’s a troll?

I'm not that sneaky! I was just trying to work out why she was just 'throwing me crumbs' this time and trying to remember details! There were a lot of questions to answer and sometimes they jogged my memory to something else.

They did this this time but her husband got bored and they went back to mum's a day early!

Without giving away identifying details, he can't always get to the UK with them. He came to meet our kids when they were babies but hasn't had time to come to ours for a few years as he only had a week or so.

So her and the kids come for a few weeks and he usually follows later when he can get leave etc.

I don't think it was board games (plural) either! When Mum mentioned it again, she gave the impression they all just laid on the sofa with devices and she was bored so suggested one game! They probably went back to their devices straight afterwards! So yes it did feel like a slap in the face as you say, but I will try to see their side too and they were probably all tired.

Definitely need to do something different next year. I did regret asking for advice on here but if one thing good has come out of it, then it's to re think our usual family summer birthday celebrations! 🎂 😉