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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They don't want to come to our house!

277 replies

Blueswirl · 06/08/2023 12:45

My sister lives overseas and comes over for a few weeks in the summer. It's the highlight of mum's year and we arrange our holiday etc so we can see them. She packs in a lot in but prioritised mum's and my Birthdays, or so I thought! I booked a table for mum's and bought a big cake to have back at hers afterwards but when I told her the arrangements for mine she said they might not be free! DH booked a table for 9 and she only confirmed the day before and said they were too busy to come back to ours after for Birthday cake!

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

OP posts:
Daphnes · 07/08/2023 06:24

Daphnis156 · 06/08/2023 19:09

Gosh, if I were your sister I would dread coming home to visit!

Gosh, I wouldn't worry if I were you. It's likely they wouldn't want to see you quite as much as the OP wants to see her sister.

toomuchlaundry · 07/08/2023 06:34

Why are people moaning that family don’t visit them? Surely if you move countries/continents away the onus is on you to see family. Posters asking what OP does for her sister’s birthda if the sister wanted family to be with her on her birthday she shouldn’t have moved so far away

And I think many people have fixated on the cake, wasn’t if more about the OP spending the afternoon with her sister and the cousins having time to play together (wanting to show their cousins their toys etc) the cake is just a bonus!

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 06:35

wasn’t if more about the OP spending the afternoon with her sister and the cousins having time to play together (wanting to show their cousins their toys etc) the cake is just a bonus!

yes, the OP and the OP’s children want this.

perhaps the OP’s sister and the sister’s children doesn’t want this

MrsMarzetti · 07/08/2023 06:57

When i lived overseas it was a pain coming home, everyone wants a piece of you and you spend the whole holiday rushing from one house to another. In the end i would h:ave an open house day, told everyone who wanted to see me i was available on that day between these hours. It was much easier for them to make one journey than for myself and 3 children to make a dozen or so.
You are being unreasonable expecting your sister to trail after you, you are a grown woman that really shouldn't need people to make an extra trip just to watch you blow out the candles on your cake.

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 07:23

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 05:55

Which had been planned for weeks and the sister has decided she now can’t be arsed

for years this sister has travelled long haul to visit family and there has been no issue whatsoever.

this year - she doesn’t seem quite so keen. So those of us who question look at the facts we know - that never any issue but something this year.

the op was repeatedly asked whether there was a big age gap between the cousins. Ignored.

what I imagine is this sister now has tweens / teens who this year are asserting themselves a little with what they would like to do in the very short time they’re over here. And that is not to play with the OP’s children and go back for cake. So the sister has a balancing act…. She sees family for a bit and then instead of cake with grumpy teens - she does something they want to do.

I haven't ignored the question, there were a lot! One of her children is close in age to mine and they play happily together, the other is a bit older but likes some of the same things and is happy to play with them sometimes as it's only a few times a year, or just plays on his phone, no problem. They are nice kids and like visiting.

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 07:25

Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 07:23

I haven't ignored the question, there were a lot! One of her children is close in age to mine and they play happily together, the other is a bit older but likes some of the same things and is happy to play with them sometimes as it's only a few times a year, or just plays on his phone, no problem. They are nice kids and like visiting.

Show quote history

So she visits a few times a year?

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 07:25

Hibiscrubbed · 06/08/2023 23:16

They are. And it’s tedious seeing all their attempts at mic drop posts. It appears time they posted every time something popped into their head, so keen were they to berate the OP. 😆

This thread is an example of the shithole this place has become. People come just to be anonymous twats to other people for a bit of a buzz. Surely they have better things to do on a Sunday?

As someone said upthread, only on MN is inviting someone back for cake after lunch seen as the signifier of being demanding, petty, attention seeking, hard work, a Princess, domineering, etc. It’s fucking cake. After lunch. Which had been planned for weeks and the sister has decided she now can’t be arsed.

Show quote history

Thanks! 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 08:53

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 07:25

So she visits a few times a year?

Show quote history

Once a year in which we see them for both Birthdays then 1 or 2 other visits or outings. They do fit a lot into the few weeks but enjoy catching up with family and friends.
Floppyear are you trying to understand the situation or finding fault? I think I'm done trying to defend my point of view, wish I hadn't asked on here now!

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 09:00

What I’m doing it’s looking at the fact for years there’s been no issue

and this issue - she’s less flexible

So unless a big family blow up, it will be because she has older children with their no preferences now or her partner wants to change things up or she just wants to do something else

and given she’s the one travelling long haul, you should let her be

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 09:00

And this year I meant

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 10:32

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 09:00

What I’m doing it’s looking at the fact for years there’s been no issue

and this issue - she’s less flexible

So unless a big family blow up, it will be because she has older children with their no preferences now or her partner wants to change things up or she just wants to do something else

and given she’s the one travelling long haul, you should let her be

That's fair enough, I can't do anything about it anyway. It must either be about the travelling or thinking about it, her husband does clash with mum a lot so it could be something to do with him.

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:08

And another drip!

megansmarkle · 07/08/2023 12:11

Have the cake at the restaurant?

CherryMaDeara · 07/08/2023 12:18

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:08

And another drip!

Floppy, OPs are allowed to add details in later posts. It's not obligatory to remember to say every possible scenario in your first post. No one would post a thread if this was the requirement.

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:45

And the fact that the sisters husbands has big flare up with the mum is a very relevant point?

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 12:56

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:45

And the fact that the sisters husbands has big flare up with the mum is a very relevant point?

He doesn't have big flare ups, they occasionally clash as they are very different people, last one was a year or 2 ago, so not remembered for my original post!

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:59

her husband does clash with mum a lot

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 13:01

So now “occasionally”

Given they see each other once a year… to have had a clash last year means… the last time they were together!

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 13:05

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:59

her husband does clash with mum a lot

Aw gawd, you are enjoying picking my sentences apart!!

OP posts:
Floppyear · 07/08/2023 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 13:12

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 13:01

So now “occasionally”

Given they see each other once a year… to have had a clash last year means… the last time they were together!

Yes they disagree most times he comes here! Not really relevant unless it's definitely the reason they aren't coming back.

My original point was that I was upset they weren't continuing the afternoon at our house as she had put the whole day/afternoon in her diary. But as people have mentioned about changes of venue etc, the decision is fair enough.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2023 13:13

OP, now you're being harangued. I would use another word but HQ don't like it.

Best to ignore the self-absorbed pest who is derailing your thread. It's irritating having to scroll past their many, many irrelevant posts; must be so for you also?

CherryMaDeara · 07/08/2023 14:02

Floppyear · 07/08/2023 12:45

And the fact that the sisters husbands has big flare up with the mum is a very relevant point?

Not that relevant, because they still happily went to meal and cake eating at her mum's house.

It makes no sense for the DH to go to the mum's house but boycott OP's house because his MIL will be there.

Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 14:43

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2023 13:13

OP, now you're being harangued. I would use another word but HQ don't like it.

Best to ignore the self-absorbed pest who is derailing your thread. It's irritating having to scroll past their many, many irrelevant posts; must be so for you also?

Yeah, had enough now! 😉

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueswirl · 07/08/2023 16:00

In conclusion, 74% think IABU, possibly because I didn't include enough info in the original post, possibly not!

I think I am entitled to be disappointed that they don't want to come back to our house when we had all planned for the whole afternoon, but I can understand they might have done enough driving.

I think some of the comments such as an adult shouldn't expect people to watch her blow out candles etc, were uncalled for!

DH is going to take the cake to the pub which the younger children will enjoy anyway and then if the lunch ends abruptly DH & I can do something afterwards with our kids.
Hopefully we'll have a nice lunch. I can always ask mum what the issue was once they've left!

OP posts:
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