They don't want to come to our house!

[Blueswirl]

My sister lives overseas and comes over for a few weeks in the summer. It's the highlight of mum's year and we arrange our holiday etc so we can see them. She packs in a lot in but prioritised mum's and my Birthdays, or so I thought! I booked a table for mum's and bought a big cake to have back at hers afterwards but when I told her the arrangements for mine she said they might not be free! DH booked a table for 9 and she only confirmed the day before and said they were too busy to come back to ours after for Birthday cake!

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

I’m sorry OP because it feels like you’re getting a bit of a battering when in essence it sounds like you’re hurt that they’re not coming back and spending extra time with you and disappointed that your children won’t get extra time to play with their cousins at their house (if they’re like my kids they especially love the idea that people are coming to their house!)

I think I’d ask your sister if they’ve got plans after or if she’s free to do something after your birthday lunch. Maybe you could ask her if there’s anything she’d like to do whilst she’s over? Then you could do it either on your birthday or another day that suits her when she’s free - giving you the time with her that it sounds like you’d like

And if they can’t come back to yours after the lunch, it’s a shame, but why not think about what else you could do with the afternoon? Spend some time with your children or (what I’d probably chose on my birthday) some glorious time alone!

Hope you enjoy your meal and day whatever the outcome 🥳

No, she hasn’t ignored the question. I asked OP what happens for sister’s birthday as I also initially felt that it wasn’t fair to sis that it’s always OP’s birthday being celebrated each year.

However OP pointed out that her sister herself chooses to visit each year to coincide with her mum and OP’s birthday and OP gives sis a present each year. Which is fair enough. It sounds like the sister could avoid visiting around OP’s birthday if she wanted to.

And yet nowhere did you say what they do for the other sisters birthday which is the question asked

Haven’t read through responses! Could you not just take the cake to the meal that’s booked? That way everyone gets to have the cake together and you guys get extra time to see each other? Whenever I’ve booked meals for birthdays I always take the cake with me 🤷‍♀️?? However, next time make sure everyone knows the arrangements so there’s no misunderstanding..

@CrazyHedgehogLover nah, shucks, REALLY? Wow, what a FANTASTIC idea! NO ONE else has thought to suggest taking the cake to the restaurant in 230 posts!

Could it be that she is fitting in people that she won't see otherwise? I mean I am in a similar boat and I love my family, but some friends are like family. If it was seeing family for another 3 hours, but not seeing certain friends for 2 years, I go for the friends.

I agree with everything you've said.

It's not unreasonable for the op to want her sister to come to her house and spend time with her and her kids. Is everyone commenting saying a lunch is enough time for the sisters to spend together? I wonder what the reason is that she can't make it after the meal. Op also said after the mum's lunch they only spent one hour at mums, It sounds like the sister isn't intending to spend much time seeing family at all. I think I would feel a bit upset as it sounds like the sister is feeling obligated to see family rather than wanting to spend time with them willingly.

@Floppyear what's your problem? You are all over this picking it apart like you have some kind of problem and trying to prove some kind of point. Your being confrontational and not offering support or any real advice. Your just here to argue.

@CherryMaDeara i didn’t state I was the only person who suggested it 🤔? I explained I hadn’t read through responses, just stated what I would have done personally.. get a life😂😂

OP these reply’s are totally ridiculous, even for Mumsnet! And mumsnet is a silly place.
People on the internet will always jump to the worst possible conclusion and invent all sorts of assumptions to justify that conclusion. Even when the OP tries to correct their crazy assumptions.
I understand why your disappointment because your sister said she’d leave the afternoon free for you, you were looking forward to it, now she’s changed her mind.
I suspect it’s not that she doesn’t want to spend time with you but that’s she’s over stretched herself on this particular visit.
Try to enjoy the time you have with her instead of being sad about time you don’t have.
Maybe next time ask her if she’d like to celebrate with you and what she’d like to do. I wouldn’t be surprised if she said lunch and cake.
Also you could ask her why she couldn’t make it for cake, there might be a really simple explanation for instance someone she could only catch up with on that afternoon.

I have the same issue with my own sister. She visits from abroad every year, and she makes all the travel arrangements etc. She has demands on her time because there's things she wants to do plus family wanting to see everyone. She's got to marshal children, locations, cars and accommodation. The least I can do is make it stress free, they all come to mine for one day, and if we don't go for a meal then I do a buffet to suit everyone's taste. And then off they go again. Bit daft to essentially replay a previous birthday event. And if our mother was in the country at the same time (also lives abroad) we would just have the one joint thing.

So, for those who asked, we had a nice lunch at the pub, the weather was ok so we had the much discussed cake outside, and the kids got to play together for a little while.
Our kids were disappointed they couldn't play at ours with their cousins before they go back, but we took them on to a park for the rest of the afternoon. My sister and her family went back to mum's to start packing (they leave in a few days) & play board games for the rest of the day and evening.
Will definitely do something at ours next year for a change and hopefully spend longer together.

Do you mean do something for your birthday or actually celebrate her birthday for once

The sister is probably hurt her birthday is never celebrated

Especially when it doesn't seem like they celebrate the sisters birthday

Are you @Floppyear by another name?! 😂

And if you bothered to read, the OP said this way back in the beginning.

She only visits in the summer so she celebrates her birthday with friends and I give her a present when I see her.

The sister chooses to be at home for her birthday. Understandably.

They just said they had things to do, no one suggested we join them. I expect some lovely person on here will have a bitchy comment about why!!
I only found out they played board games when mum told us.

Bloody hell OP, I'd be really hurt.

The "things they had to do" which meant the cousins couldn't spend some time playing together was playing board games with your mum.... Wow.

I think I would take that as a clear indication that - for whatever reason - your sister just isn't interested in spending much time with you beyond doing a duty visit. I think your previous suggestion of planning your own thing next year is a good idea.

I don't know why others on this thread have given you such a hard time. I'd be unbelievably hurt at such a clear snub.